Page 104 of Awakened by Sin

“I’m sorry. I just woke up,” she said hoarsely.

“Carmen.”

Mom cupped her chin and raised it. She attempted a smile even as tears slid down her face.

“I’m fine,” she whispered.

Mom’s eyes filled with tears.

“I’m fine,” she said again.

“You’re not,” Mom said gently.

“I am,” she said even as her face crumpled.

She desperately tried to hold it all in.

“It’s going to be okay, Carmen.”

Mom drew her close. She buried her face in her shoulder and fisted a handful of her starched shirt. No, it would never be okay. As if Mom could hear her thoughts, she hugged her even tighter.

“You’ve been so strong,” Mom murmured. “We’re so proud of you.”

No, she couldn’t hear this now. She shook her head and tried to pull away, but Mom held her tight.

“You’re everything we could have hoped for and more. We raised you to be confident, passionate, caring. You give so much of yourself away and leave nothing for yourself. We were so happy you found Vinny. He understood you just like us.”

“Mom, stop,” she begged.

“It hurts me to see you in pain,” Mom whispered.

She desperately tried to get a handle on her emotions. “I know. I’m trying.”

“But it hurts me even more to see you ignore it.”

Carmen gave in. She went limp in her mother’s arms as sorrow swallowed her whole. She wasn’t sure how much time passed, but the tight embrace never slackened. Warm, familiar hands comforted her while her body was wracked with sobs so powerful, she couldn’t catch her breath. Her mother murmured soft, loving words in her ear while she rocked her. When the storm passed, she lay exhausted and empty in her arms.

They sat in silence. She noticed that the light in the room had changed, confirmation that they had been here a while.

Mom kissed her temple. “Come, I’ll make you a bubble bath.”

Mom assisted her into the bathroom and prepared the bath while Carmen sat on the edge, staring into space. Mom undressed her and urged her in the tub. The sweet smell of jasmine drew her out of the darkness. The warm water soothed her aching, quivering muscles. Mom washed her hair as if she was five years old. She wasn’t capable of doing anything more strenuous than sitting upright.

“Lyla called me this morning,” Mom said.

It took a minute for that to make sense. “Why?”

“Something to do with the Black Viper gang.” Mom didn’t ask questions; she just massaged her scalp, as placid as could be. “Gavin was in some kind of uproar, and Lyla tried to call you, but you didn’t answer, so she called me.”

She tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t alarm her mother and came up with nothing. Her mother knew all about the Black Vipers.

“Carmen Marie.”

She suddenly found her chin caught in a firm grip. Her mother stared straight into her eyes, gaze strong and unflinching.

“I don’t know what you’re doing to work through your grief, but I won’t lose you to the underworld, you understand me? I won’t tell you what not to do because you’ll do it, but I’m warning you, you’re running toward dark stuff. Once you go down that road, there’s no coming back.” Her expression eased a little as she stroked her cheek and then splayed her hand over the angry red scratches on her chest. “This isn’t you, baby.”

Her chest quaked as she tried to keep the well of emotions in check.

---