Page 84 of Once A Crime Lord

How many times had Carmen said that since Manny’s murder? When would it be okay? She was so tired of being afraid. Sadist dominated her dreams and waking moments. It was unbearable. If she ever got the chance to face Sadist, she wouldn’t hesitate. She would do whatever she could to kill that fucker. No matter how much she built him up in her mind, he could bleed and therefore die. She had to remember that.

Her body begged for sleep, but her mind wouldn’t cooperate. She tried the breathing technique, but after fifteen minutes, she gave into her body’s compulsion to move. When she threw back the covers, Carmen moaned.

“What are you doing?”

“Sorry. I’m going to get something from the kitchen.”

“What time is it?” Carmen asked hoarsely.

She glanced at the clock. “Midnight.”

“I’ll come too.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know, bitch, but you need me.”

Carmen slipped into a silk Chinese robe with a dragon on each breast. She belted it with a yawn and slipped into two fluffy pink clouds that masqueraded as house slippers. Carmen carried her phone and checked on Nora through the video monitor as they passed.

“What was the dream about?” Carmen asked as they started downstairs.

“Same old.”

“Sadist?”

“Yeah.”

“The only way you can exorcise that fuck is to watch him die. Maybe Gavin can mount his head on the wall after. Then you can throw darts at him anytime you want.”

Lyla paused in the entrance of the kitchen, dumbstruck by the imagery. “That does hold some appeal. Damn, I’m going to the dark side.”

“You never had a choice. Besides, it’s better on the dark side. You do what you want and don’t have to spend your time feeling guilty. You want something? Go get it. No if, ands, or buts. Besides, knowing Sadist is dead would make me feel better.” Carmen dug around in the cupboards and came up with cocoa packets and a bag of colorful marshmallows. “Maybe after he’s dead I’ll know what to do next.”

Lyla tossed a kettle popcorn packet in the microwave and tried to shrug off the images that clung to her memory. How did her mind conjure up Sadist’s voice so perfectly? That mocking, sweet voice that should have belonged to a nice man, but instead belonged to a monster.

Carmen handed her a mug with a mound of heart and star marshmallows.

“I think I need some cocoa with my marshmallows,” she said dryly.

“You have to eat the marshmallows to get to the cocoa,” Carmen said and popped one into her mouth. “Come on, they’re good for you.”

“I’m going to tell Nora not to believe a thing you say.”

She ate a green marshmallow. She felt as if she were thirteen again. Who knew that she would be married to a crime lord, have a child with him, and still be eating popcorn and marshmallows with Carmen as if they were still innocent preteens?

“It’s good, right?” Carmen asked.

“Yes. This is how I should end all shitty days.” She poured popcorn into a bowl. “I’m so sick of this. I want this to be over. I want Gavin home, I want Sadist dead, and I want Jonathan alive.”

“Two out of three isn’t bad.”

Lyla glared at her. “I need all three.”

“You can handle two out of three.”

“Jonathan has to live.”

“Girl,” Carmen drawled, “just take what you can get. Before you saw Jonathan at the casino, you forgot he existed.”

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