Page 21 of Once A Crime Lord

She sank onto a couch across from her. “I want to help.”

“Gavin hasn’t found a lead?”

“No. How long is this going to last? One day, I’m going to want to take Nora to a park to meet other kids. I might want to go shopping or visit your mom instead of making her drive here.”

“Mom doesn’t mind.”

“That’s not the point! We’re here twenty-four seven. I keep waiting for another attack or a phone call telling me Gavin’s hurt.” Her hands clenched into fists. “I want to do something. I need to help, and I want some kind of normal in my life. This isn’t what I want for Nora.”

“It won’t always be this way, and Gavin can handle himself.”

“I know that, but he’s still human. He bleeds and can be killed just as easily as someone else.”

“I think of him as The Terminator,” Carmen said. “He can go into any situation and come home without a scratch.”

She thought of the knife wound on the back of his hand. “He’s human.”

Carmen gave Nora big, smacking kisses. “I used to be so focused on going to the clubs. Now, this is my whole day, and I’m good with it.”

“We’re getting old.”

Carmen sniffed. “You’re getting old. I’m just getting more fabulous.”

“Whatever you say.”

Carmen settled Nora on a blanket, turned on her belly, and propped her chin on her hand. “Tell me about him.”

“Who?”

“Your ex, hello!”

She pictured him in her mind. “He’s cute.”

Carmen scrunched up her face.

“Jonathan’s an average guy in every way. He’s cute, polite, stable.”

“Gavin would kick his ass,” Carmen predicted.

“Of course he would. I don’t think Jonathan knows how to throw a punch.”

“If Gavin finds out about him, mention that. Maybe Gavin will let him live.”

“Gavin can’t get mad about Jonathan. We have a baby together.”

“So?”

“So, I’m taken.”

“That hasn’t stopped Gavin from being a jealous psycho.”

True. “He won’t find out about Jonathan.”

“You’d better hope not.”

She played with Nora and Beau while Carmen watched TV. When Nora and Carmen drifted off, she carried the baby upstairs with Beau on her heels. She activated the baby monitor, which gave her a view of the crib from her phone, and walked outside. She wrapped her arms around herself as she paced around the pool.

Of course, she didn’t regret Nora or her marriage to Gavin. Despite the rocky dips in their relationship, they were meant for each other. She knew it in her bones, but that didn’t stop her from realizing how much she changed since she left Jonathan. With Jonathan, she could be herself. With Gavin, she had to stand her ground against his much stronger personality and her moral compass no longer had a needle.

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