Page 141 of Cook

“Then what was it?”

I thinned my lips together, refusing to mention Massimo. Or Sloan. Fuck, I shouldn’t have left Cook back at Serenity. I needed him more than ever.

Mel waited, hands on her cup with her eyebrows raised. An image of Mom flashed through my mind, and I winced.

“Maddie,” began my sister, even using the same tone as Mom. “I miss you, even now that you’re close. Even when I know you’re safe, and I do know you’re safe with Cook.”

“You don’t act like it,” I murmured.

“He’s a good guy.” She sighed. “I can see that you’re settling in well with him. You’re really growing into yourself here.” Her kind words didn’t match her pained look. “But I think you need more than what he can help with.”

“And you think you know what I need?” I asked, venom lacing my voice.

“I only have an idea.” Mel reached for me, but I snatched my arm away. Before pulling her hand back, I watched her fingers curl into a fist.

“I know this can’t be easy for you, Maddie. None of the kids at the recovery house are having an easy time.”

“I’m not a kid,” I gritted through clenched teeth. That was the difference between them and me. I’d hardened myself enough to deal with the Gambinos’ games for much longer than anyone else. I knew how to make myself conform and survive.

“I know.” She ran her thumb around the rim of the mug. “Is it worse that you had to grow up in it? You were there so much longer.”

A shudder ran down her body, and she dipped her head as she wiped the corner of her eye. Seeing the emotion leaking from her eyes did something unexpected. It melted something inside me. Perhaps I was wrong to push her away so hard.

“I’m okay. Here,” I said, needing her to believe it. Lifting my hand, I chewed on my thumbnail, mumbling, “And that I know Cook is coming back.”

“You weren’t earlier,” she said. “Maybe you’ll be okay tomorrow and the next day. But one happy moment doesn’t mean you’re well. Healing isn’t a linear process. It’s up and down. You’ll have good and bad days. It’s about taking a proactive approach.”

“So I don’t have another night like tonight,” I murmured.

Sloan and Massimo. Running away from Serenity. I never wanted to feel this way again. Like the world had been spinning so fast around me, and I was caught in the tornado. Whipped one way and then another. Torn to pieces and lost. All I could think about was escaping, and I couldn’t see anything until I finally stopped and looked back. I didn’t want that pain and fear and anger and sadness. I would never get better if the waves of this continued to knock me over.

“Okay,” I said in a barely audible voice.

Melanie leaned back on her heels. “Really?”

“You’re suggesting the recovery house, yeah?” I wouldn’t be ready to go back to Serenity or Phoenix for a few days.

“Doctor Ava, at least,” said Mel. “She can help you. She specializes in PTSD and came here specifically for the opportunity to work with the kids.”

I had braced myself for that. “I’ll try not to attack her again.”

Mel cracked a smile. “That’s a start.”

She reached out to me, but I pulled back again.

“A start,” she repeated. “Maybe we can have her come here instead of making you go to the recovery house.”

“Really?” I asked, my turn to be surprised.

With a small smile, she picked up and walked over to a photo of the huge cactus outside in the morning sun. “Can you tell me more about your art? You know I’ve never had the eye.”

I straightened my dress and stood, telling myself I could do this. It had been my choice to call her, and she now asked about something I enjoyed. She was trying. We couldn’t connect over our pasts because I wanted mine left in the dust. However, I could make one little effort,too, and hope that’s all it would take to start something new with Mel.

Chapter 24

Cook

Midnight church. Shit, maybe weshould call this onemidnight mass.

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