Page 84 of Mistaken Impression

“Okay. Did I get something wrong in the rehearsals?”

I stare at him for a moment. “Not exactly. Not in the way you mean.”

“Ella… I can sit here all day and all night trying to second guess when and how I’ve screwed up, but it’d be so much easier if you just told me.”

I take a breath, letting it out slowly. “I know you’re gonna say I’m being silly, but I hate the way you behave around Vivian.” There. I said it. Although I’m not sure it helped. Mac’s frowning, his brow furrowing.

“Behave? You mean act, don’t you?”

“They’re the same thing.”

“No, they’re not. The way a person behaves is about how they conduct themselves. Acting is just pretense.” He moves a little closer and reaches up, caressing my cheek with his fingertips, but I pull back slightly and his frown deepens. “Don’t you get it, Ella? I might try to behave like the perfect gentleman around you, but I fail dismally every time and end up behaving like a perfect fool. That’s what you do to me. You make me foolish and carefree… and so damn happy.” He stretches out his hand again, and this time I let him touch me, closing my eyes at the moment of contact. “If you want me to put it another way,” he says, and I open my eyes again and stare into his. “With Vivian I’m Blain, the TV presenter… the character I’m portraying. With you, I’m Mac. I’m me.”

“But the way you were looking at her… it was like you believed the things you were saying.”

He cups my face with his hand, shaking his head. “I didn’t. I don’t. It’s just pretend.” He leans in closer, gazing into my eyes. “I’m not pretending with you. I never have. This is real, Ella. Very real.” I suck in a breath and he dusts his lips over mine in the gentlest of kisses. “Did that feel real?”

“Yes.”

He kisses me again, a little harder.

“And that?” I nod my head. “Good. I don’t think I’m capable of pretending with you.”

“I don’t think I like you pretending with other people.”

“It’s just a job.”

“Have you ever had to kiss anyone, as part of a performance, I mean?”

“Yes.”

“And sex?”

“Are you asking if I’ve ever acted in a sex scene? Because actors don’t actually have sex when they’re playing a part… you know that, don’t you?”

“Even so… have you?”

“No. I’ve never been in a sex scene. Apart from making those commercials, which were all about bodybuilding, and nothing to do with sex at all, I’ve only ever acted on the stage. It’s never been required.”

“But you’ve kissed someone on stage before?”

“Yes, I have.”

“What’s it like?”

“It’s part of the job. It’s no different to shaking someone’s hand, or passing them a cup of coffee. The foremost things in your mind are, am I standing in the correct place, are the angles right for the audience, and what the hell is my next line? It’s nothing like a proper kiss. Especially not… not one where you actually care…”

He tilts his head, leaning in, and captures my lips with his. Within seconds, I’m on my back, and as he reaches between us, unfastening my jeans, I wonder… does that mean he cares?

“I never thought I liked goat’s cheese, but served warm, with that dressing, it’s absolutely delicious.”

Vivian’s reading of her lines is so awful it makes me cringe, although it’s nothing like as bad as the way she keeps leaningover, showing off her cleavage to Mac, or the way she takes her time eating the food from the fork, and then licks her lips, slowly and seductively. Nothing’s changed about the way she behaves, but I don’t feel as insecure as I did yesterday. Last night saw to that.

Mac might have rushed me out of my clothes, but once we were naked, he made love to me so slowly… so tenderly, I couldn’t fail to be convinced by how real it all was… or how much he cared. I know he was hoping to set my mind to rest, and he did. And after dinner, he took me to bed and set it to rest all over again.

This morning, as we walked down the stairs together, hand-in-hand, he looked down at me and smiled. “Do you think we’ll be able to come home tonight without any dramas?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to keep causing problems. It’s just that this is all new to me.”

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