Page 82 of Mistaken Impression

“So, what made you decide to lose weight?” Mac’s saying, while he pretends to stir something in an empty bowl.

“I’d always been a little on the heavy side, and decided the time had come to do something about it… for me, not my boyfriend, or anyone else.” Vivian’s reading from her script again, and sounds as wooden as the chair she’s perched on, but when she’s finished, she looks up at Mac.

He stops what he’s doing and leans a little closer to her. “Good for you. That’s the best reason there is, you know?”

“I know. My boyfriend says he loves me whatever size I am…” She lets her voice fade deliberately and gazes up at Mac again, fluttering her eyelashes. “He’s always telling me how beautiful I am.”

“You shouldn’t doubt him.”

What on earth possessed Gavin to put that line in the script? It’s so sycophantic… although judging from the sparkle in Mac’s eyes, and the smile on his lips, I have to wonder… is he acting anymore? Or does he believe what he’s saying? Vivian seems to. She can’t take her eyes from his.

I’ve always hated the way she plays up to Mac… even when he was still ‘Blake’ to me, but now, it feels so much worse, because he means so much more.

I can’t focus, and their words drift over me as I try to work it out. Is he really that good? And if he is, has he been playing a part with me, too?

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard him say that line today… the number of times I’ve seen him look into Vivian’s eyes, his own twinkling with what appears to be admiration. I can’t recall how many times I’ve wanted to run from the room, to be by myself, to work out what’s real, and what isn’t. My head is spinning and I can’t decide what, or who to believe. Did I imagine the look in his eyes this morning, when he told me that what I did to him was perfect and that watching me come was magical? Did I read too much into him saying I was too tempting for him to risk riding down in the elevator with me? Or am I right…? Am I mistaking lust for love?

“Okay, everyone…” Ruby raises her voice and we all turn to face her. “That was almost there. We won’t be able to work late tomorrow, because we’re all watching the show at five, so I think we’ll move into the studio first thing, and start rehearsals at ten. Have a good night, everyone.” People start to move around, packing up their things, and Ruby turns to me. “Does that give you enough time to get everything prepared in the morning?”

“Yes. That’ll be fine.”

“Good. It went well today, don’t you think?”

I nod my head, watching Mac out of the corner of my eye. He’s studying his script, and Vivian gets up, walking around the island unit, going up to him and pointing to the page. She’s standing a lot closer than I feel comfortable with, but he doesn’t move away. Instead, he shakes his head, flipping back a couple of pages and saying something to her, although I can’t hear what.

I can’t bear to watch anymore. I excuse myself to Ruby, and put my notepad on the table, going out of the rehearsal room and along the hall to the ladies’ room. Inside, I shut myself into a stall, clenching my fists, telling myself over and over that Mac has done nothing wrong… that this is me, not him.

I hear the outer door open.

“Jeez… who the hell left the window open in here? It’s freezing.”

I don’t reply. I’m not sure a response is expected, but I hear whoever it is closing the window before they enter the stall next to mine.

Suddenly, I remember the note I made about the weather, and I flush the toilet, even though I haven’t used it, and quickly wash my hands, for no apparent reason, before rushing back to the rehearsal studio. A few people have left, but I look around, noting that Ruby has joined Vivian and Mac, and that Gavin is still sitting at the table. I dash over to him.

“Can I talk to you about something?”

He looks up. “Sure.”

Even though I don’t think I’ll need it, I grab my notepad from the other end of the table and sit beside him. “It’s just that, at the beginning of the show, Abigail has to say a line about the weather turning colder.”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“Well… if this show won’t be airing for a few weeks, then the weather will already be quite cold by then, won’t it?”

He frowns, tilts his head and then pulls his copy of the script a little closer, flipping back to the beginning, and then he turns to the second page before he nods. “Yeah… I see what you mean.”

“If we take out the word ‘turning’, it’ll work better, won’t it?”

He grabs his pen, scratching out the word ‘turning’ and then picks up the script and reads the speech aloud. “How’s that?” he says as he finishes, looking up at me.

“I think that works.”

“Have I referred to the weather anywhere else?” he says.

“Only where Abigail remarks that it’s cooler here than in Miami, but I don’t think that matters, does it?”

“No, I don’t think so.” He stands, putting his pen in his shirt pocket. “We’d better just go tell Blain and Vivian… and adjust their scripts.”

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