Page 61 of Dreaming of Dawson

“Then that means she’s right. If you don’t need to think about trusting her, she’s the one.”

“I thought Stevie was the one,” I said. It was an automatic reaction, but I felt it needed to be said. I may have decided to grasp my future, but I was still confused about my past and I thought putting that out there might help. Tanner understood what it felt like to start again. I hoped maybe he could help me understand it, too.

“I thought you said you’d woken up to yourself about her,” he said, which was just what I needed. Someone to make me question myself.

“I have, but that doesn’t mean I understand what happened, or what I did wrong.”

“Who said you did anything wrong? Even Stevie admitted it wasn’t your fault.”

“I know she did. But how can it not be my fault? She left me. How can I be sure I won’t make the same mistakes again?” With Macy.

“Why do you think the mistakes must have been yours?” he said. “And who even says there were any mistakes in the first place? This is the problem with Stevie having left you with so many unanswered questions.”

“I know. I can’t help thinking it might have been easier if she’d just explained.”

“Maybe she couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Well… has it occurred to you that maybe the relationship had run its course for her? You’d been together since you were kids, and maybe she’d just reached the end of the road with you.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s not a bad thing, man. It could mean that what’s happening to you now is that you’re getting to the same place. You’ve realized the relationship with Stevie has run its course too… and maybe that’s why you’ve opened yourself up to meeting someone else.”

“I told you, I’m not sure I have met someone else.”

“Okay, but you’ve decided to put the past behind you, right?”

“Yes.”

“Thank fuck for that… because I promise you, the future is a lot brighter. My relationship with Sabrina became toxic by the end, but it wasn’t always that way. You know that. We were happy once. But I can honestly say that nothing I ever had with her compares to what I’ve got with Zara. Not one thing.”

“So it’s better the second time around?”

“I can’t speak for everyone, but it certainly is for me.”

“You don’t regret it?”

“I regret the way things ended between me and Sabrina, and I wish we could get along better… for Nash’s sake, if nothing else. But as for everything else? No, I don’t regret a damn thing. I’m happier with Zara than I’ve ever been before. Why? Do you regret what happened with Stevie?”

I remembered Macy asking me the same question, and I gave Tanner the same answer. “I used to, but not anymore.”

“Because you’ve met someone else?”

“You keep saying that, and I’ll keep repeating, I’m not sure I have. Not yet.”

“Well, don’t take too long making your mind up.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re not getting any younger.”

We both laughed. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done that, but it felt good, and we ended our call on a high, him promising to come into the bar sometime soon. I didn’t tell him that would give him an opportunity to meet ‘the one’. I knew he’d work it out for himself the moment he saw her.

Our conversation helped. It reminded me that working out the past isn’t always what counts. Sometimes you just have to let it go, and deal with the present… and the future.

And at least I actually have a future… or the chance at one. One worth holding on to.

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