Page 39 of Destroyed

“Would Sebastian make the guys do something like that with him?” Kaz asks Riley. At this point, we could send Xavier straight to rehab with flying colors. Any test would be sure to pick up the heavy presence of Xanax in his system. But that’s not going to be doing him any favors.

“I can talk to Sebastian,” Riley says, nodding. “Maybe Xavier just hasn’t gotten past the accident, but he’s too afraid to admit it.”

“Well, he admitted a fuck of a lot at my place that night! Saying he was miserable and worthless. If I didn’t feel bad for him, I’d be disgusted. I don’t like crying.” I laugh to make it seem like I’m kidding when I’m not, and Riley knows it.

“Corrine, you’re not the cut-throat bitch you try to make yourself out to be. Are you a little angst and reckless? Sure.” She looks sideways at Kaz and smiles. “But you’re alsocapable of love and compassion. Sometimestoo muchlove and compassion.” She emphasizes the words ‘too much.’

“Where is this going? Is this a pep talk or a slut shaming?”

“Sorry,” she starts, regrouping. “You are amazing, and yes, Xavier's weakness is not something you enjoy managing, but I can see through your facade.”

“My facade?” I ask, incredulous.

Kaz pipes up, then, “You act like you don’t need anyone, but you do. You need Xavier, and he needs you. And it’s annoying that right now he needs you a lot more, but both of us,” she gestures to herself and Riley, “are sick of your back-and-forth internal monologue! We love you and want you to be happy. With your dude.”

“Xavier,” Riley affirms as if I’ve forgotten who we’re talking about.

I can’t help but tear up a bit, not because of the statement's truth but because they’re patient enough to watch me fumble in my feelings and try to help me figure it out.

“Okay,” I say slowly. “So what would you have me do now?”

“First off,” Riley points at my phone. “Respond to his text. You know he’s panicking, thinking you’ll never respond.”

I sigh. She’s probably right. I had told the girls that Xavier and I had gone back and forth this morning, and he’d left me with an important question. One that I wasn’t ready to answer until now:Can we try to start over?

I pause and then message him back:

Me: You never have to be embarrassed around me, Xavier. I understand this situation has been difficult. Of course, we can start over. See you tonight. ??

There. The truth shall set me free. At least, I hope it doesn’t fuck me over.

Chapter 30

Xavier

I’m sitting on my couch a few hours later, staring blankly at my phone. I hadn’t gotten any response when I stepped out of the shower. There was no response when I cleaned my bathroom or did three loads of laundry. There wasn’t even a response after I washed the floor-to-ceiling windows that opened to my balcony. Maybe Corrine was angry? Perhaps she changed her mind about me or isn’t willing to start over. That crippling feeling of anxiety starts to hit me as I reread her previous messages.

Corrine: I don’t want anything to happen to you.

My heart flutters when I read that sentence, which means everything. Corrine doesn’t want anything to happen to me. Suddenly, three dots appear in the message feed, indicating she is typing something out to me.

My heart races, and my knuckles tighten around my phone, but the energy is quickly replaced with calm when her message pops up.

Corrine:You never have to be embarrassed around me, Xavier. I understand this situation has been difficult. Of course, we can start over. See you tonight. ??

My brows pinch up as I stare at the butterfly emoji she left. There’s a memory at the tip of my reach, but I can’t grasp it. I lean back and close my eyes, and before I know it, I pass out.

A couple of hours later, I’m jolted awake by my phone ringing. I answer with a groggy hello, not even bothering to check who it is first.

Jonathan’s voice comes through the line. “Really man? Are you asleep?”

“I guess I passed out,” I reply.

A voice in the background says something, but I can’t figure out what it is. Then Jonathan yells to the voice, “I know, I know, okay.”

He gets back on the line. “We will be at your place in thirty minutes to pick you up for Spin.”

My sleep brain evaporates when I hear the word Spin, remembering that I’m supposed to see Corrine tonight. I jump up quickly and head towards my bedroom to find something to wear.

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