Page 34 of Destroyed

She sniffles before placing her hands over her face. “He would call us secretly every week. One day they just stopped out of nowhere. I think you were about sixteen. Do you remember that boating accident with the heir they couldn’t find? It was in the press. They searched for his body for weeks but he never turned up.”

I do remember that. My mind flashes back to my father and mother watching the news. My mother is crying. My father clenched both fists and one tear ran down his cheek. I never saw him show much emotion. At the time, I couldn’t understand what could be so upsetting about a random boating accident. I was also so self-involved in my teenage dreams that I couldn’t bring myself to care about what was happening. Now I understand. I’m angry and sad all at once.

“Is this why Dad was always so distant? Was he mad I wasn’t his?” I ask her as I stand up quickly.

She stands up just as fast and grabs my arms. “No Xavier, your father loves you. He would do anything for you. He’s just hurt and lost. He has always feared you would find out the truth and hate him someday. Hate him for not being good enough, for loving another man, for not keeping…him safe.”

“Eric,” I say with my jaw clenched. “Say his name mother. Eric Lockhart.”

Her eyes go wide. “How do you know his name, Xavier?”

“Do Allen and June ring a bell?”

“Let me, let me call your father. This isn’t good.” She stutters out while frantically searching for her phone.

“Corrine, the woman I was with during the crash, those are her parents.” I eye her, waiting for her reaction.

“Does she know about you? Have you met her parents? Have they seen you, Xavier?” She’s suddenly shaking me. I break out of her grip.

“Does it fucking matter?” I yell backing up. “My whole life has been a lie. How could you guys keep this from me?”

I'm suddenly running out the front door towards my car. I have to get out of here. I have to think. This is all too much.

“Wait,” my mom yells, but I don’t slow down. “I know you're angry, but you must be careful, Xavier. You have to stay away from Corrine and her family. It’s dangerous for anyone to find out who you are!”

I slam the door to my car, cutting her off and screeching out of the driveway. I’m pulling out the pills I keep in my center console within seconds and open the container, swallowing a few down. I don’t bother counting. I’m going to need more than a few to calm me down.

By the time I get back into the city, my head is spinning. My brain is foggy but I’m fucking calm. ‘Calm as a computer, I mean cucumber,’ I think to myself as I pull up to a familiar place.

I’m not sure how long it takes to get to the door, but when it swings open, I’m greeted with a scowl—not exactly the welcome I had hoped for before falling into her arms.

“Hello Flutterby,” I slur.

Chapter 27

Corrine

“WE WERE ON A BREAK!”

The line makes me smile no matter how many times I rewatch Friends. Except this time, I wonder if Xavier or I could technically make the same explanation that Ross tries to use when defending his actions to Rachel.

Werewe on a break when I let Sam come to my place and come in my bed? And my couch? And the shower?

Are we still on a break now?

It’s not like he truly remembers being in a relationship with me. So, I wonder, has he made choices like I have, assuming it’s okay to be with someone else while we’re figuring out what we mean to each other all over again?

I continue to muddle over this feeling that is new to me. I think it’s guilt. Because I believe, deep down, that Xavier is still the man I fell in love with, deep down, and that the fact he’s possibly been pussy deep in someone else makes me a little unhinged.

I sigh, pausing the show and stretching from my couch. I’ve been laying low all day, still slightly shaken up from the events with Xavier and the truths we’re stumbling upon together. I’m lucky that my assistant manages much of the day-to-day needs of the galleries if and when I need her to, though I much preferto control things myself. But today, today… I couldn’t muster the “oomph” to look put together when I felt a little broken inside.

I had told Riley and Sebastian the high-level details of Xavier and me regarding how the evening events unfolded following our copious rounds of shots. What I hadn’t truly acknowledged then or now is the feeling of hope that night left within me. With that hope comes the fear that comes with falling in love, knowing that there’s no certainty, no 100% guarantee.

I have been able to hold onto anger because it’s easier. I’ve been angry about the car accident, angry that Xavier doesn’t remember anything, furious that he never told me about his fiance.

Angry. Because it’s much safer than being scared, lonely, and vulnerable.

I find myself naturally reaching for the open wine in my fridge. I glance at the clock; it’s just past 4:00. Technically, it's happy hour, right? I pour the light Sauv Blanc into my favorite wine glass and rummage for snacks. I plate my slices of cheddar, apples, and pears, placing a bowl of nuts next to them, and smile at my fanciness.

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