Page 50 of Falling Too Late

“Oh, you didn’t need to do that,” I said shyly.??

“Oh, yes, I did.” She waved me off. “It’s easier to feel more comfortable looking around when you don’t have to worry about others coming in. Come on over, let’s chat.”??

I followed her to a seating area by what looked like dressing rooms. The couch was velvet and hot pink. In front of it was a colorful coffee table with two drinks on it.??

“I hope you like iced coffee.” She picked up a cup and handedit to me.??

I stared at her, confused. “Why are you being so nice?”??

She laughed, kicking off her shoes and sitting down on the couch, picking up her own drink. “I’m going to be honest with you.” She patted the seat next to her, but I didn’t move. “Laurel was my therapist a long time ago. So, when she calls and says she’s sending someone down here, I can only assume that something happened in your past to make coming here kind of a big deal. Don’t get me wrong, coming to a sex shop is always a big deal when its someone’s first time, but when Laurel calls. . .” She shrugged. “I just want to make this as comfortable as possible for you.”??

Riley sipped her drink and then continued, “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I can leave you alone, you can browse with all your heart’s desire and pick out whatever you want, or you can give me a little information about what you are looking for, what kind of experience you want, and I will do everything I can to find what suits your needs.”??

I took a seat down next to her, a little overwhelmed. I took a drink of the iced coffee, and a sweetness washed over my tongue.??

“This is delicious,” I commented.?

“Right? It’s my favorite.” She swirled the ice in her already half-gone cup.

The only person I had ever gone into detail about what they did to me was with Laurel. Alex knew a lot, but he didn’t know everything. I didn’t have a girlfriend to tell these things to, but with Riley’s own confession, knowing I wasn’t the only person in the room who had been through this, it suddenly gave me a loose tongue. I wanted to have a girlfriend I could talk to. With my feelings building as of late, I found myself clamming up whenever Alex and I talked.??

“My dad got hurt in an accident. I had accidentally hit the shift lever into neutral and it rolled over him while he was working on it. He got addicted to painkillers and eventually overdosed. To punish me, my mom basically sold me to our downstairs neighbor and the landlord, so she didn’t have to pay forrent. I was eleven.” I kept my head down, staring at the coffee cup. Watching the condensation roll down the side of the cup and to my hand. I forced myself to look up at her. She had a thoughtful look on her face, and I was grateful to see anything other than pity. “Anyway, I got out five years ago with the help of some really amazing people who have treated me like family from day one. I’ve done the work and come out on the other side. I have a really good life. Other than that, I have no sexual experience.” The words rushed out, I felt like I was word vomiting all over this person I just met.??

“And that’s the only reason for today? Just. . .curiosity?” Riley asked, no annoyance in her tone at all.

I could feel my cheeks flush.?

“Oooh.” She moved closer, a smile splitting her face. “Tell me more.”

“It's not just some guy.” I fought with my words before I gave up, finally sighing and falling into the pent-up thoughts that had been circling my head for the last year. “He’s my best friend. And I’m so nervous about telling him.”

I spent the afternoon telling Riley about Alex. Really, I gushed about him. The prospect of it all was new, and I had no idea how to navigate these feelings.??

How would I have told him about my feelings in a different life? All ideas came up blank. I had no idea how to tell someone my feelings. I had never looked at men—or women for that matter—in a way of finding them attractive enough to want to say something or having feelings for them.?

I didn’t know when I fell for him. I couldn’t pin down the moment my brain went from survival mode to enjoying life. I’d spent many nights sleeping in the safety of his arms. He would hold me through my nightmares, and when they passed, we would stay up and he would listen as I relayed them. If I closed my eyes and thought about it, I could feel his hand brushing the top of my head, a gesture that was always comforting.

He took my mood swings in stride. There would be days thatI would fly off the handle at the oddest moments. Something would make me angry and I would scream and yell at him.

He never yelled. He never got upset. He let me scream, cry, and hate the world. When I had exhausted myself from the rush of emotions, he would be there. Understanding and always welcoming me into his arms.

I’d seen Alex angry. I’d seen him fly off the handle and start fights with men in bars because they looked at me wrong, but there wasn’t anything I could ever do or say that would make him upset with me.

I was sad to admit that I’d tried. I tried to push him away. I tried to make him hate me. My own mother hated me, so he would too eventually, right?

Wrong. Alex wasn’t capable of harboring hate, at least not for me.

Riley showed me her shop and introduced me to different things like vibrators, books on sex, and erogenous zones. I about had a heart attack when she showed me a display of edible panties and nipple clamps.?I had no idea that such things existed.

“Hey, some of us like a little pain with our pleasure.” Riley coyly brought the clamps to her breasts and showed me, over her clothes, how they would hang.??

I picked out a few, less intimidating looking things and she bagged them up for me.??

“I’m not suggesting getting drunk and having sex, buuuut,” she dragged out the word, a smile on her lips, “having a couple shots before playing with these toys alone will help you not feel so weird during it.”??

I grinned at her. It had honestly been a fun afternoon and Riley was such a free spirit. She didn’t make me feel weird or awkward from not understanding half of this. “Thank you so much.” I finished paying and she walked me to the front door.??

“Anytime. I hope you come back,” she said, and I could hear how genuine she was.??

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