Page 49 of Falling Too Late

“Keep in mind that there are other people out in the world, even ones with no sexual trauma, who have decided to never have sex. This isn’t a milestone based on age, this is one based on your own deciding factors.” She adjusted in her seat. “Have you experimented on your own?”

I picked at my cuticles, not looking up at her. I was comfortable with Laurel, but this topic was always difficult for me.

It felt like I was powerless.

“I tried watching porn a few weeks ago and it just seemed. . .like a lot.”

“Well, that’s understandable. Porn is a good way to introduce yourself to sex; it’s generally how most people are introduced to it. It could be too much, especially if you don’t understand what you are clicking on. You could always tread lighter and try watching some romance movies that have sex in them.” She reached over to her desk, picking up her notebook, jotting some things down. “Here are some movies off the top of my head that have some explicit scenes in them.” She ripped the page out of her book, leaning forward and handing it to me. I glanced at it beforefolding it and stashing it into my purse. “You may benefit from going the more clinical route.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe picking up an anatomy book?”

I shook my head. “I’ve done that already. I was thirteen.”?And had the library at my fingertips.

“Are you still struggling with the same thought process?”

I sighed. “Yes. Sometimes when I get caught up in my thoughts, I start to scold myself. That voice in my head tells me that if I go through with this then I am saying that everything they did to me is okay, because I’m sexually active now.”

“And what do you do when that voice starts to talk to you?”

“I remind myself that what he did to me will never be okay, no matter what I do with my life. That it will and always has been wrong.”

“Good.” She smiled approvingly. “That’s what matters. Don’t let that voice take over.” She nodded her head, seeming to contemplate something, and checked her watch. “Do you have any plans after this?”??

“None that can’t be moved.”?

“Well, you aren’t the only person I have sat with who has sexual trauma. I would like to introduce you to someone, if you are okay with it?”?

I nodded, and Laurel got up, picking up her phone. She made a phone call and, once she was done, turned back to me. “Okay, here is the address. Go here, and you will meet Riley. Chat with her, and I’m sure she can get you in the right direction.”

I left Laurel’s office with nervous butterflies. I programmed the address into my phone and followed the guided GPS. It took a lot for me to talk to her about this. After I had decided this was something I wanted to pursue, I threw up for a week.

Sex never felt like something that was for me to enjoy. It felt like it was something for someone else to use me for pleasure, because that was what Kevin always told me.??

I was a fuck toy to be used and was only meant to give him pleasure.??

It wasn’t my hole; it was his hole to use as he pleased. All of my holes.??

I pulled into the parking lot and rolled down my windows. There was only a slight breeze, but I would take what I could get. I took in a few deep breaths. I was outside of a shop called Aphrodite’s Desires.??

The building was painted black, and all the windows had coverings on them.??

“Okay, Wren. Let’s go into our first sex store,” I said aloud, trying to hype myself up.??

I got out of my Geo and pushed through the doors. As soon as I walked in, there was a chime throughout the store.?

“Hi, welcome in!” a women’s voice called out.??

“H. . .hello?” I walked in farther, and off to my right was a long counter and a beautiful redhead standing behind it.?

She walked over to me.?

“Are you Wren?”?

I nodded.??

“Hello.” She gave me a wide smile. “I’m Riley. Laurel called and let me know you were coming.” Riley walked behind me and flipped her sign toclosed, untied some blinds that were at the top of the door and let them drop, blocking anyone from seeing in. “Now, we have the whole store to ourselves.” She turned around, her braided hair flipping over her shoulder.??

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