The memory of him leaving me that night hit me again. I had always fought with the anger I felt for him. He left to protect me. But I’d needed him more than anything at that moment. I could still remember begging him to stay, but he left anyway.
If he hadn’t, Kevin would still be out there.
Riley held my hands and bit her lip. “Can I play devil's advocate here?” I sighed and nodded. She squeezed my hands tighter.
“Wren, he’salive.”She stressed the word. “This is your second chance. Think about it from his perspective. He had no contact with you for years. Yes, you were told he died. His lawyer was the only person who could identify him because of whatever fucking bullshit reason Jon spilled to you, but let's forget that. You were mourning him, and he thought you were ignoring him. I can understand him getting out and being pissed off. So, maybe, you should give him a chance? Forget the chaos of that first meeting and try talking to him. Explain what happened. His anger is misplaced. It should all be on Jon, not you, cakes.”
Hot tears streamed down my cheeks as she spoke. She wasright, but I still wasn’t sure it was Jon’s fault. Emotions were running high back then; he could have just simply made a mistake. Her words settled into me and I cried harder. My heart ached with too many emotions. He was alive, but Gloria was dead.
“Oh god.” I pulled back, looking to her. “Riley, Jon told me that Alex committed suicide because his mother died.”
Riley nodded, knowing this, but she didn’t seem to be catching on to what I was saying.
“Ri, when Alex came into the house, I showed him her death certificate. What if he hadn’t known his mom died?”
Her brows shot up to her hairline and her mouth popped open. “Oh shit,” she whispered.
I pulled my hands from hers, covering my face. “What if that’s how he found out?” A flood of memories hit me. Watching him and Gloria together, laughing. Her griping at him about something he did or didn’t do. The pride that’d shone in her eyes at her son.
“Cakes, you’re the best person to tell him. You’re his best friend. Almost more if that night had never happened.”
The pain of that night always felt like it had just happened, overshadowing the good that had occurred since. What could have been between Alex and I?
I shook my head. I wasn’t going to dwell on what had never happened. I needed to push my feelings aside and talk to Alex about his mother.
CHAPTER 38
ALEX
I wasn’tsure what time I had fallen asleep on that mattress in Wren’s shop, but I woke to Queen licking my cheek.
“Come on, girl, quit it.” I groaned as I rolled away from her. I had been using an old sweatshirt balled up as a pillow. The bed felt huge to me. Even though I shared it all night with the dog. Not long after Wren had left with her, Queen came back, scratching at the door till I opened it. Growing up, sharing that XL twin mattress with Wren had been cramped, but not once did we complain about it. In prison, the bed was the same size, only less comfortable and had stains that I’d tried not to think about too much.
I felt like a kid, staying up all night with a story, reading from a flashlight. Only this time the flashlight was from my phone. Doing so had drained the battery dry.
Ma had written mostly about me and everything I told her I did at school that day. She wrote down her grievances with me and talked about how much she missed my dad. She worried about not being there enough for me and things she planned on doing to make more money to make up for not being around much. Reading her journals was a lot like going down memorylane. Her handwriting was sharp and sometimes messy, like she had to get it all out in a short amount of time.
When the journal entries of Wren started, I read them like I had been starving for information. Some things surprised me.
Ma had almost taken Wren to the police station.
I planned on taking her to the police station today. Candy and I have been talking and she’s right. If her mother puts out a missing persons notice and they track her to our house, I could get thrown in jail for kidnapping. I can’t let anything happen to my son or myself. I have to be there for him.
But when I came home early today, Alex was smiling. I don’t think I’ve seen him smile like that since his father died. He’s been doing better in school and he looks happy. I feel guilty, because of course my son has been lonely. I have been so worried about making sure the power and water stayed on that I never thought about how he must be lonely all the time.
Now he has Wren, and I’ll be damned if I take that away from him. Wren is a sweet girl and I think she needs Alex as much as he needs her. I still can’t believe the horrors that were happening just next door to us. I can’t help but feel guilty. If I had just been home and noticed the things that had been happening. Of course I heard them fighting a lot, but I would just ignore it. People fight all the time and I was too tired to deal with anything more.
Maybe I could have done something to help the poor girl.
I can’t separate them now. Alex would never forgive me. She will be eighteen in a year and then there’s nothing anyone can do.
If something happens to me, at least they have each other.
I sat up. The mattress cover Wren had it stored in crackled, causing Queen to groan. I could tell it was early. I closed Ma’s journal, set it in the box closest to me and stood, throwing my shirt over my shoulder. It was hot and muggy in here and I had stripped down to my boxers sometime in the middle of the night.
Ma’s journal didn’t surprise me at all. I wouldn’t have forgiven her if she took Wren away. Nobody could have guaranteedher safety except for us. We kept her safe. We gave her a home and the time to help her heal.
I pulled the cover from my old truck, a warm feeling growing in me. I had saved up every paycheck I could to buy this thing, worked day and night to make the necessary repairs, and had figured it had been long gone. The keys sat on the dash. I grabbed them and tried to turn the ignition over. It ticked before it died. I popped the hood, noting the battery was probably dead. I rounded it and opened the gas tank, shoving my nose close to it and inhaling. The gas had gone bad. I wanted to get it up and running as soon as possible, and to do that, I needed to get into town and buy a battery and get some gas.