Page 77 of Falling Too Late

I finally looked away, staring into terrified blue eyes. I was going to tell her that I thought I saw him. I tried to say his name but, it wasn’t possible.

“I’m sorry.” I pushed out. “I just thought I saw someone I knew, and I didn’t look both ways.”

Her eyes searched mine before she let out a nervous laugh. “Jesus, Wren, you scared the shit out of me.” She clutched her chest before she bent over, laughing more. I tried to laugh withher, but I was spooked. I had dreamed of Alex regularly after everything, but I had never actually hallucinated him.

“I better get home,” I told her.

“Send me a text when you get home, okay?” Her eye met mine and the guilt hit me. She was still worried about me.

“I will.”

CHAPTER 28

WREN

I wasneck-deep in my clawfoot bathtub, submerged in hot water with a tequila perched on the little side table I’d purchased just for that purpose. I had music going softly in the background and I was trying to relax and reason with myself. The steam rose and clung to the walls of the bathroom. My skin was tinged red. I always made the water as hot as I could stand it.

I loved taking hot baths. I imagined Alex crawling in behind me, telling me how I looked like a lobster and drawing circles on my skin.

I imagined a whole life with him. Sometimes I even talked aloud in the house, as if he was in another room. I wondered if we would have fought, and what about. Would he have been the type of lover to be overbearing? See me wearing shorts and a tank and not allow me to go into town wearing something that showed too much skin, like in the movies I had watched?

Or would he have been the type to let me wear what I wanted and be proud that I was his?

I could never figure out what version I liked more.

I imagined a simple life with him. One where we were content with it being just the two of us. Fucking until the early hours ofthe morning and then sleeping till noon just to get up and do it again.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath before sliding down under the water.

Alex is dead.He hanged himself in his cell.

Jonathan identified his body.

The state would release his ashes to me here in a few months, and then I could put him to rest next to his mother.

Then I could move on.

There was no moving on from Alex, but I had to stop letting myself wade in the stagnant water.

Alex is dead.

I said the words over and over in my head, but when I closed my eyes, he was there. His messy brown hair, warm brown eyes, wide smile. That’s how I remembered him. His strength and the lengths he would go for me.

He killed for me.

I had to keep kicking.

I stayed underwater as long as I could, letting my lungs burn until I couldn’t hold it any longer.

I forced myself to come up for air slowly, taking in slow breaths.

Once the water had gone lukewarm and my tequila ran dry, I drained the bath, drying off before tying a robe around me. As I opened the bathroom door, two large German shepherds scrambled to get up.

“Hi, guys.” I smiled down at my Velcro dogs.

Gavin and Troy hadn’t been able to help themselves, bringing me home two puppies to keep me company after everyone had finally gone back to their own homes. King and Queen had been the best things to happen to me since.

I had focused all my energy into training them, getting help from Mario and some of the guys down at the station who worked with police dogs.

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