Page 63 of Falling Too Late

Silence filled the car.

“Do you really mean that?” His tone had changed. I turned to look at him and could see him white knuckle the steering wheel. Was he. . .mad?

I watched him. I was so confused. Jon said Alex liked someone; Alex told me that it was just sex. I had no idea what to believe anymore. And why was he acting this way?

“Do I need to?” I asked.

“It's not about you needing to, it's about you wanting to.” He aggressively flipped the indicator to turn.

“Well, if you want to know who and where I meet everyone, then I should tell you that I met Riley at a sex shop.” The words fell out of my mouth unintentionally. The liquor gave me loose lips. I tried to muster up shame or embarrassment, but the alcohol covered that up for me.

Alex slammed on the brakes, pulling over to the side of the road. He turned to me and I could see the shock written all over his face, the streetlights the only illumination provided.

“Why the fuck were you at a sex shop, Wren?”??

The shock in his eyes had me laughing. Typically, Alex was the one pushing my buttons to get reactions out of me. Him giving the big reactions was something new. “Because my therapist recommended it.”??

“For what reason?” He sounded bewildered.?

“Oh my god, Alex, what reason do you think?” I was still laughing. “Because I don’t know how to have sex!” I threw my hands up in what little space we had together. “I have never had sex before. Not consensual. I don’t have a clue as to how it’s supposed to be like. I just know how to lie there and take it.” The crassness of my words had him flinching. The more I spoke, the angrier I became. “I don’t have firsts. I have never been kissed by a guy I liked. I don’t know what it's like to lie in the arms of someone who loves me. I don’t know what an orgasm feels like. I don’t even know how to touch myself! I don’t fucking know anything!”??

My throat was raw from shouting. The alcohol had burned up in my anger. Somehow, admitting all this out loud to him in the heat of the moment, and not in a controlled environment like Laurel’s office, made me angry.??

I was so angry.??

I had missed out on something that should have been normal, and now I was struggling with how to take my first step. Since I decided I wanted to try, it felt like a ticking time bomb. Like if I didn’t get to it soon, it would never happen for me.?

Or Alex would find someone he wanted to be with.?

Quietly, Alex put the car in drive and took us home. I missed my buzz and was grateful that Riley had slipped the rest of a bottle in my bag.

We got home and I managed to stay upright long enough to open the fridge, pull a can of soda out, and head upstairs, shutting the door behind me.

I stripped out of my clothes, pulling on one of my sleep shirts before I dug the bottle of vodka out of my purse and cracked thesoda open. I took a few swigs before chasing it with the soda and set everything down on my desk.

I was going to do it tonight. I pulled out the items from where I had stashed them on my desk chair and pulled out the double-headed vibrator and the lube, leaving the other items in the bag. Moving to my bed, I chased another shot of vodka down, slowly feeling it warm my blood and loosen me up.

I peeled the foil protectant off the lube and put a little dab on my finger, massaging it between the two. It was smooth and had a warming effect.

“Oh,”I whispered in wonder.

I dabbed a little on the smaller head of the vibrator, rolling it between my fingers to coat it completely. I leaned back on my pillows, pulled my shirt up around my waist, sans panties, and turned it on. The vibrator was quiet. Gently, I glided it down my center, jerking it away at the sensation.

“Woah.” Settling back down, I softly moved the head between my legs. I played with it, discovering the more sensitive areas of my center.

My skin heated in a flush and sensations built. I didn’t understand what they were, so when it got too much for me to handle, I pulled it away.

Preparing myself, I took the smooth drumming head and place it at the top, finding a spot next to my clitoris where it wasn’t so sensitive that I would explode on impact.

A moan escaped me, and my knees started to shake. I clasped my free hand over my mouth and decreased the pressure slightly.

Holy shit!

Right as I felt like I was about to crest a hill, my door swung open. A startled squeak slipped out of me and I shot up, fumbling with the buttons to turn it off.

“Wh-What the fuck Alex!”

Only the streetlamp illuminated my room in an amber hue. It cut across his chest. Slowly, he walked into my room and I wasgrateful that the shirt fell around my hips, hiding my lack of panties.

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