Page 81 of Silk and Steel

“Believe it or not, the first time I met him we tried to kick each other’s asses. Seventh grade, the back playground where all the bad kids hung out. I remember it like it was yesterday.”

I chuckle and turn slightly toward him. His eyes are distant, but more peaceful than I’ve seen in a while.

“Why were you fighting?”

“Oh, it was because of a girl.”

I laugh and shake my head.

“I should have known. Deets, please.”

“Her name was Beulah McGillicuty, and she told me that Jake was writing bad things about her on the bathroom walls. I had a crush on her so I was going to beat him up. But it turns out she lied, and she was mad at him for not being into her.”

“That’s messed up.”

“I know, right? After that, though, we were inseparable. Even enlisted in the Navy together. The first night of Hell Week, he had this stupid, crazy idea…”

For the next two hours, I listen and he tells me tales of his friend, Jake. Inevitably, Cole arrives at the last memory he has of Jake. The day he died.

“And it should have been me,” Cole says. The pain in his eyes makes me want to weep. “I was the lead demolitionist on the detail. I should have been the one who…”

“He took that decision away from you. It’s understandable that you would be mad at him.”

“I’m only mad at myself…” Cole sighs, his face briefly illuminated by the headlights of a passing car. “No, you’re right. I guess I am mad at him. He knew exactly what he was doing. He didn’t hesitate.”

“You didn’t either. You were ready to sacrifice yourself, but he beat you to the punch.”

Cole laughs, some of the agony fleeing from his face.

“I guess you're right. You know, he always was one step ahead of me, the son of a bitch.”

“Do you think he would want you to blame yourself?”

Cole’s brows draw down low, his lips purse as he considers the uncomfortable, but necessary, question.

“No. He definitely wouldn’t want that.”

“What would he want?”

“Probably he’d want me to sing his praises night and day, and tell everyone what a fucking saint he was. He was a vain bastard.”

When we finally arrive back at my neighborhood, both of us are talking and laughing. The air feels clear. While Cole and I couldn’t help but give into our mutual passion, there have been things in the way of fully expressing it. Julian. My past. His guilt over Jake. My guilt over the things Julian has done.

Now, there’s nothing to hold us back. I forget about the fact that I look like a barbie doll and he’s a tatted up ex sailor everyone calls a one-man army. We just click, we just work, and I’m not worried about the how of it.

All I know is Cole makes me feel safe, happy, and appreciated. Three things I never felt with anyone before. It’s easy to love Cole. I can only hope that I’m easy to love.

“Cole,” I say as we pull into my driveway. “Am I easy to love?”

“Well, based on the noises you made…”

“Not what I meant! I mean, am I emotionally hard to love–you know what, never mind. I don’t want to talk about it now. The moment is ruined.”

He arches his brows

“I’m sorry, you were saying?”

I give him a stern look and stick my tongue out.

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