“Exactly,” my landlord agreed. “Anyway, you need to work out the logistics with Mr. Big Bad and Broody and leave me out of it.”
Mate. The word echoed over and over inside my mind. It felt so right, so perfect, to describe what I felt about Jude. Al left, but I remained standing where I was in the opendoor of my apartment, unsure what to do with this new information. It was pretty obvious that Jude feltsomethingfor me, something at least as intense as what I felt. I mean, he was buying my groceries, paying my rent—food and shelter, providing for me in a sort of modern version of what a wolf would do for a mate.
And he left because he thought it was the right thing to do.
“Well, fuck that,” I muttered, turning and storming back into my apartment. “I’ll just have to tell him that he’s wrong. End of story.”
I dug through my dresser and pulled out an old pair of thermal underwear and some wool socks, dressing as warmly as I could. It would get cold in the woods, but if I left right now, I could potentially find him before dark.
The sun was alreadymoving steadily toward the horizon by the time I parked my car at the usual place, in the pullout often used by hikers. I hopped out and slipped on my small backpack. I still hadn’t replaced all my camping gear, but I hoped I wouldn’t need it. Instead, I just had bottled water and some of the granola bars Jude hadbought me. I figured it would be good to travel light so I could move faster.
Using the tug in my chest as a compass, I headed down the trail at a fast clip. My breath came out in white puffs in the chilly air, but since I’d started all this hiking and camping at the beginning of the summer, my fitness level had gotten steadily better. My legs didn’t burn the same way they had that first trip, and I was able to keep a steady pace without panting.
I stepped off the path when I felt drawn to, but just because a straight line was the shortest route, that didn’t mean it was the easiest. The brush grew too close, sharp barbs ensnaring my jacket and pants. “Fuckity fuck,” I cursed, trying to back out. I heard the telltale sound of fabric tearing. Dammit, I would have to go around.
Stomping back the way I’d come, I had intended to simply backtrack and find a new path through. What I hadn’t expected, though, was to run headlong into another hiker, since I was so far off the trail. “Oh, sorr—” I began, but my words were choked off when the face beneath the knit cap registered. “You again!” Fucking creeper Eric!
He wasn’t smiling this time. His eyes were hard chips of ice, his mouth set in a hard line. It was hard to believe I’d ever found him charming. And it was clear he hadn’t intended to be caught following me. “Morgan,” he said ingreeting. When his gaze shifted to my neck, I pulled the scarf up, covering any marks he might see.
We glared at each other for a long, tense moment. I appreciated that he didn’t bother spewing his lame excuses. It was pretty obvious why he was here; there was no way he could pass this off as a coincidence.
Eric’s mouth twisted into a cruel grimace. “It’s really quite selfish, when you think about it, keeping your wolf to yourself like this. You owe it to mankind to share him with the world.”
“You’re crazy if you think I’ll just hand him over to you,” I spat, shoving my way past him. I couldn’t keep going now, because it would just lead this lunatic straight to my mate.
He laughed harshly behind me, without any real humor. “What’s crazy is that you think he’s yours in the first place. If anything, he’smine.”
“He will never be yours!” I yelled over my shoulder, picking up the pace, trying to get the hell away from him.
I heard his footsteps crashing through the brush behind me. “I will find him, with or without your help!”
It quickly became clear that Eric wasn’t in nearly as good of shape as I was, and he didn’t know the terrain like I did. There was no sign of him behind me by the time I reached my car. There was only one other vehicle, a black SUV,which I assumed belonged to Eric. It was nearly full dark, and I hoped the creepy asshole got lost in the woods and was eaten by wolves. I drove home, and even as I felt the distance stretch between me and my mate, I vowed that I would find my way back to him. This couldn’t be the end. I refused to believe it.
Four whole weeks. Thatwas how much time had passed since I last saw Jude, my true love, my mate. Four weeks since I ran into Eric in the woods. Also, four grocery deliveries, another month of rent paid, and more sleepless nights than I could count.
I’d had every intention of heading straight out to the woods again the next day, but when I’d looked out the window, there’d been a black SUV parked at the curb outside—the same SUV, in fact, as had been sitting at the trailhead, if I wasn’t mistaken. There was someone sitting in the driver’s seat, and I didn’t need to see who it was to know.
“He can’t possibly just sit out there and wait for me to leave again… can he?”
It turned out he didn’t need to camp out in front of my apartment, though, because once the seed was planted, itbloomed into full-fledged paranoia. Even when he wasn’t in sight, I had this awful feeling that he was just waiting right around the corner. Or maybe he put a GPS tracker on my car! No matter what, I didn’t feel safe going back out to the woods without being followed, and there was zero chance I was going to put my mate at risk.
The stress of the situation slowly ate away at me. I was tired, scared, and entirely alone. Most mornings I could barely keep my breakfast down after the nightmares I had. I was tired, sick, and depressed. The days got shorter, and winter moved in, and still, I didn’t leave my apartment. I really needed to take a shower, but I just didn’t see the point anymore. I spent most nights curled up in a ball on my sofa watching nature programs about wolves.
Sometimes I peeked outside around the edge of the curtain, and I swore I saw pawprints in the snow outside. The fire inside me would briefly flare back to life, before I would stuff it right back down. I couldn’t afford that kind of hope; it would break me. It was probably just a stray dog.
My phone rang, and I glanced at the call display. It was my psychiatrist. I let it go to voicemail then listened to her message. “Hi, Morgan, it’s Dr. Hildahl. I just wanted to check in with you because you missed our last appointment.I noticed that you haven’t filled your prescription. Could you give me a call, just to let me know how you’re doing?”
I had no intention of calling her back. She would never understand.
Chapter 13
Jude
I didn’t move frommy spot beside the cookfire, though it had long since died low. I had been lying here staring up at the sky since dinnertime—which I hadn’t bothered to eat—as the sky panned through a kaleidoscope of colors, finally settling into a deep navy blue. The kids had created a chorus of squeals and laughter, Mal trying to teach his little brother and cousin how to make snowballs, before everyone had retreated into their cabins for the night. The soft murmur of voices was all that was left to be heard. Even the lights from their windows had dimmed to the warm flicker from fireplaces. All that was left was me, staring up at the stars, trying to find the exact constellation of Morgan’s freckles.
There, my wolf said, coaxing my attention over to the west.Morgan’s left cheek.
My beast had long since given up trying to convince me to go back to our mate. He was the only one who understood my suffering. While we both agreed on Morgan being our first priority, we disagreed on what needed to be done to keep him safe, but it was hard for him to argue with someone who wouldn’t listen, let alone be willing to talk about it.