Page 48 of Romancing the Reaper

Lila is waiting for me on the other side of my bathroom door. I’m sitting in the middle of my bathroom floor because my legs have forgotten how to work. In front of me on the tiled surface is the pregnancy test and my ring. They stare at one another just like I’m staring at them both.

Those two little pink lines are unmistakable. I’m pregnant. I’m going to have Kieran’s baby.

The initial shock has given way to a complex mixture of emotions; fear, excitement, and an overwhelming sense of responsibility as I sit here, feeling heavier than I have felt in a long time. I want to think that it’s a good thing, but there’s just so much still up in the air.

“Everything going okay in there?” Lila calls to me. “I don’t wanna interrupt, but I’m getting jittery out here. Let me come in there and braid your hair or something while we wait.”

I can practically hear her pacing the floor, wearing tracks in my carpet. I might have teased her for that before, but I can’t now.

For the last couple of days, nobody has mentioned Kieran. It’s like my little ‘disorder’ all over again. Meals are cut up and delivered for me. I’m treated like I’m made of spun glass because nobody wants to look too closely at what I might or might not have gone through. Nobody wants the specifics. They ask me how I am, but notreally.The two times that I actually managed to ask about Kieran myself, I was basically shooed away. Cristiano said that I didn’t need to worry about it anymore, that he was handling everything.

It makes me want to pull my hair out.

This isn’t going to be what breaks me.

“I’m fine, just give me a minute.” I call to Lila. I can hear her muttering, convincing herself that she needs to calm down and let me process however I need to. It’s sweet that she actually cares so much. Alberto is stationed outside of my bedroom door, a silent sentinel. It’s hurting his feelings that I haven’t really spoken to him since he ‘rescued’ me… but I don’t want to talk to anyone but Lila.

It takes me some time, but eventually I slip the ring back on my hand, and curl my fingers around the test. I think what scaresme the most right now is how alone I’m feeling. Is Kieran dead? Did he die without knowing how I really feel? Does he think that I left him? Why hasn’t he come for me?

I walk out of the bathroom, dressed in a satin tank top, satin shorts, brightly colored fluffy slippers and my knee length satin robe. All flowy fabric that helps me feel just a little bit less restricted here. I can’t even leave my room without armed escorts. So, this? It helps. Lila looks at me with wide-eyed surprise as she glances down to the test in my hand, and then back up to my eyes.

“Well?”

I don’t answer with words, I just hold the test out for her to see and unfurl my fingers.

She doesn’t say anything, she just hugs me. Everything about my wonderful best friend just seems to radiate warmth and light. I am so lucky to have her. I think that if she gave Kieran a chance, she might come to like him. I don’t even know if I will ever get the chance to introduce them.

“So, how do you feel?” Lila asks me, pulling away slowly, still holding my upper arms.

“I don’t know.” I respond. It’s the most honest answer that I can give her.

“We can find you a clinic… I know it’s not ideal, but with your level of fame and connections there’s bound to be discrete places that won’t ask questions…” Lila trails off, trying her very best to be gentle.

I wasn’t sure what I actually wanted to do until she voiced the option out loud. “No. I’m keeping it.”

Lila hesitates for a moment, but doesn’t question me. She just squeezes my hand supportively. “Okay. Well, I think that this needs a celebration, don’t you? Maybe a little bit of shopping?”

How can I deny her anything when her eyes are practically twinkling with excitement up at me? I nod, grateful for her support. “Now we just have to get Cristiano to let me out of the house.”

Lila scoffs. “You leave him to me. Finish getting dressed, and I’ll be right back to do your hair and makeup.”

She bounds down the corridor toward the living room that my brother has been holed up in since I arrived. I know for a fact that my brother isn’t going to agree to it easily. He’s going to have Alberto go with us, as well as at least three cars filled with his men. At least. I just hope that they don’t walk around me in a circle everywhere I go. I don’t think I could tolerate that. Especially since they aren’t willing to even include me in their plans. I guess he just thinks that I can’t handle it. I’m tired of pretending that it doesn’t hurt my feelings.

Sure enough, when Lila comes back, I’m dressed in loose fitting beige pants, a flowy white shirt and all of my favorite bangles and baubles. It might be a bit much for such a simple outing, but I don’t care.

She puts on light, elegant makeup and tells me all about how Crisitano only agreed to let me leave with Alberto keeping guard. I’m tempted to remind them that Alberto was supposed to be watching me when I was kidnapped in the first place, but I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Besides, I still trust Alberto with my life.

The three of us set out for the strip of high-end boutiques at the edge of the city. We shop, we laugh - well, mostly Lila talks and fills the space with her brightness while I orbit around her. We wander and pick up things here and there, spending Cristiano’s money just because I can. He won’t even object at a time like this, he will just think that I’m starting to act more like myself again. The beautiful clothes and accessories are a lovely distraction, I don’t deny it.

We exit the fourth or fifth shop of the afternoon, the sun shining brightly overhead and I can’t help but feel a sense of normalcy returning. Alberto behind us has his arms laden with bags, and Lila is teasing him mercilessly about it. He’s such a good sport that he isn’t even responding to her with anything more than a roll of his eyes.

I turn back to needle him a little bit myself, and then my good mood is ruined.

Out of nowhere, without warning, five large men dressed in all black step into our path, blocking the way forward with menacing expressions. My heart thuds loudly in my chest. I can’t help the way I scan their builds like one of them might somehow be Kieran, finally having come for me -- but they aren’t him. No, I don’t know any of these men.

They move quickly and efficiently, surrounding Lila and myself. Alberto drops all of the bags from his arms and springs into action. He pushes me roughly behind him and back toward the shops entrance. I forget how fucking fast he moves. He’s so gentle with Lila and I that it’s so easy to forget how fucking deadly he is. He fights quickly, brutal blows being delivered to each of them in turn. Lila’s screaming. She won’t stop screaming. I curl into a ball, my hands covering my ears like that’s somehow going to block out the fact that there’s too many of them and Alberto is overpowered.

Panic surges through me, and I try to make a run for it the second I see an opening - but one of the men catches me around the waist. He smells like onions and sour milk. It almost makes me lose the meager breakfast that I choked down this morning. I kick and thrash before pain explodes over the back of my head.

---