Page 56 of Acts of Contrition

I need him. I need him in a way I never imagined myself needing or wanting a man. Not after my life.

I unzip his jacket and feel his warm skin through his black t-shirt while he shrugs it off.

“Do we have time—”

“We have as much time as we need,” he interrupts, kissing me again before he lifts the blood-soaked hoodie off of me. His hands are warm on my waist under my shirt, and because he touched my clothes and hair, they’re sticky with blood and leave trails against my skin.

My shirt follows my hoodie, and the way he looks at me makes me feel like more than an object. He makes me feel desired in a way I never knew was possible.

I’ve never done this before as I lift his shirt off him; never ever actively participated in sex. Now I need to. Iwantto.

Thomas has a slim but powerful body, his chest and arms full of tightly corded muscle I’d noticed even while he was clothed, a slim waist; there is a bit of blond hair on his chest and then a trail leading downwards into his jeans.

My hands leave bloody streaks as I gingerly touch his warm, almost golden skin.

He moves them from his body and cups my chin in his hand. “I need to hear it from you, little dove. Give yourself to me.”

I meet his green eyes, nearly gray in this murky light, and say the one thing I never thought I would in this situation.

“Please.”

As if my single plea unlocked something within him, he pulls me close in a searing kiss as he unhooks my new bra — now ruined with blood — and tosses it away.

He kisses down my throat, my chest, to my breasts, taking one nipple into his mouth. So gentle, despite the fervor of his movements. I close my eyes and savor this feeling before he starts undoing my jeans.

Men had done this to me, but not like this. Not to give me any pleasure. If Thomas keeps this up, I may orgasm just from the stimulation. Is that possible?

“I’ve waited so long to have you, my little dove. Just like this: desperate, wanton, submissive — and all by your choice to give yourself to me.”

Thomas stops and picks me up, stepping over the corpse of my abuser, his boots splashing in the pooled blood, as he sets me on the desk, sending papers and a laptop scattering across the floor somewhere behind me.

“Lift up a bit.”

I do and he removes my jeans and underwear, on which I can see a clear wet spot and find myself blushing.

“Look at my little sinner; covered in blood and naked, yet red as a tomato,” Thomas teases. “Brace yourself and let me taste how sweet you are.”

I do, unable to look away as he kneels before me and parts my legs with his hands, baring me to him. When his tongue touches me I can’t hold back a whine. His chuckle sends vibrations through my whole body.

He licks me more, then delves his tongue inside, his nose brushing my clit with every stroke.

I know he didn’t give permission, but while I brace myself with one hand, I grip his soft blond curls with the other as he brings me closer and closer to Heaven.

When he moves his lips to suck my clit again, I crash over the edge, bright bursts of starlight behind my eyes as I cry out, the only sound in this deathly still office.

He moves away and kisses me. I taste myself on his lips.

Does he want me to reciprocate? I move to kneel but he doesn’t let me.

Eyes dark with desire, he says, “You will only kneel for two people, the Lord and your husband. But not here. I want to take my time while you worship me.”

He leans me back, the blood on our bodies beginning to dry while Mike’s corpse cools on the floor at our feet. Sightless eyes stare up, and I hope he’s watching from Hell. I hope he sees what a real man is and can do to me.

Thomas unbuckles his belt and unzips his jeans, pushing them and what looks like black boxers down enough to free his erection, which is already turning a dark red with blood from arousal.

There’s no fear, no worry, no uncertainty. Just a pure desire to have him do as he said: erase all other men so I know only his touch.

“Lay back,” he commands. “And just feel what it’s supposed to be like when you are truly claimed with the Lord’s blessing.”

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