Page 44 of Acts of Contrition

Walking to the foot of the bed, he leans down and this time his smile reminds me of the demon I saw peeking out when he gave me Rick’s bloody ID.

And for the first time, he touches me.

A rough finger slides through my wetness, a ghost of a touch, but enough of one to set my nerve endings on fire, and not in a scared way.

I am restrained in a basement with a crazy future cult leader and I am more turned on than I ever imagined someone as damaged as me could be.

What’s wrong with me?

His eyes remain on mine as he looks at his now glistening finger and puts it in his mouth, sucking my juices off of his skin. A noise escapes my throat; one I never heard come from me before. Of course, it’s so quiet down here, he hears it too.

“You taste so sweet, my scared dove. And soon you will be all mine. After I cleanse you from the inside out.”

Why has my mind now gone to the idea he’s going to like … powerwash me?

He reaches into the sack from which he took the restraints and pulls out a black … something. It’s small, maybe the length of a video game console but higher. It has an attachment part at the front, and has an electrical power cord. Thomas plugs it in and reaches back into the bag, pondering. Finally he pulls out a cardboard box and removes … a plastic purple penis.

In some of the books I found and quickly discarded, the female leads often used dildos on themselves. Having cocks forced on me and then forcing them on myself, that did not interest me.

He said he wouldn’t touch me; he never saidnothingwould touch me.

Oh, please let this be a nightmare,I think as he attaches the dildo to the box.

“I also brought lubricant down with me; it seems I won’t be needing it,” he comments, sounding smug.

Yeah, I am definitely still turned on. Bastard. Have I always been this sick and twisted, or has he beaten that into me?

“You’ve had far too many men forced on you. Forced inside you. For six years, if my count is correct.” He glances at me and I nod. “This — this cold piece of silicone — will symbolically erase them all. Quite literally rearrange your insides, so that only I will be the one to penetrate you in your new life.

“You are unclean, but not by your own doing. Punishment was futile. Cleansing is the only viable option.” He presses a button on a remote he produces from the bag and checks that themachine works. He turns it off and moves it, positioning it at my entrance.

I’m not scared. He isn’t doing this for his pleasure. But I still don’t want that painful, first-thrust feeling. It has always hurt, even when the men were small.

“Look at me, little sinner. Don’t close your eyes.”

I look up, watching him.

He turns his eyes to mine as he slips the currently still dildo inside me. I wince, but … there’s no pain. It’s never not hurt before.

You’ve never been turned on or wet before, idiot,my conscience tells me.

“It’s not supposed to hurt, Diana. Unless, of course, you want it to,” Thomas informs me with a smile as he sits down, facing me, remote in hand. He sits back, as if he is preparing to watch his favorite TV show, and clicks a button on the remote.

It starts to move, in and out, slowly. Gentler than I ever had anyone inside me before. My panicked heart slows, but it doesn’tstill. No, my body now wants something my brain can’t comprehend yet. And my steady, strong heartbeat belies that.

“How does it feel?” Thomas asks after about five minutes.

“Strange,” I admit. “Slow.”

He makes a noise between a scoff and a chuckle. “Slow? My dear girl…” He shakes his head and mutters, “I suppose I have to give her what she wants,” before pressing the button on the remote again, and the dildo speeds up.

Not bruising fast, but faster than it was, and a little uncomfortable, so I decide to risk it and move a little.

Big mistake.

I have absolutely no idea what the Hell it is touching, but every single nerve ending in my body is vibrating like they’re ready to take flight. A random noise escapes my lips and Thomas laughs out loud.

“I’m sorry; all those men, by choice or not, not a single one ever hit your pleasure center, I see,” he says.

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