Page 83 of Sweatpants & Sweet Tea

His size and appearance on paper would be intimidating, but his presence had the opposite effect. I felt instantly at ease. Calm. At peace.

“No, it’s not.” I motioned to the seat beside me. As I glanced around, I saw that the waiting area had really filled up in the pastfew minutes since I’d closed my eyes. Most of the seats were now occupied.

As the man lowered down, he asked, “You okay, darlin’?”

“I’m fine,” I assured him, pasting on my widest smile.

“Well, if that’s fine, I’d sure hate to see whatnotfine looks like.”

I chuckled, not really sure what to say, as another tear fell down my face. I tried to sniff it back but ended up wiping it away with the back of my hand.

“Don’t want to pry, but I’ve got two hours to kill before my flight, and my wife always said I was a good listener. You didn’t know her, but if that woman was anything, she was honest.”

Never in my life had I opened up to a stranger. I mean, it took me three years with my therapist before I was able to scratch the surface of my childhood or relationships. But for some reason, this man, he made me want to tell him everything. Every hurt, every milestone, every disappointment, every failure, every insecurity. I wanted to tell him all of it.

But, of course, I didn’t. Instead, I smiled. “She sounds like an amazing woman.”

His lips curled at the edges. “Maggie was the perfect woman. Now, I know what you’re gonna say—no one is perfect, but my Magpie, she wasperfect.”

He was using the past tense, which made me think that she must not be around anymore. But I noticed the gold band on his left ring finger, which made me wonder if he still wore it even though she was gone.

“So, what’s got the waterworks goin’ today?”

I started to tell him that it was nothing, but instead, when I opened my mouth, I told himeverything. I told him about my past relationships and how I’d molded myself into who I thought each man wanted. I told him that I promised myself I would never do that again. I told him that I had a career that I’d puton the back burner for several men and refused to ever do that again.

I told him that I met Harlan, and he made me want things that I’d told myself I never wanted. I told him that he was the best man I’d ever known and that I loved him. I told him that I didn’t know what to do. I told him I wanted to be with Harlan but that I was scared if I did, I’d fall back into my old ways. I told him I didn’t know if getting on the plane was the biggest mistake of my life because that’s what it was starting to feel like.

And then I asked him, “What do you think? What do you think I should do?”

He exhaled a soft sigh. “Well, now, darlin’, I don’t have that answer for ya, but I know one thing. Folks thought me and my Magpie were too young when we got hitched, but I knew we weren’t. I knew we were doin’ the right thing.”

“How?” I asked. “How did you know?”

“It was real simple. I just closed my eyes and pictured my life. I pictured all sorts of things: me playing in the big leagues, me being poor and homeless, me winnin’ the lottery, me workin’ on my family farm, me working at McDonald’s, me becoming a rock star, and in every single one of them scenarios she was there. At the time, I was a kid, only seventeen. I didn’t know what my life was gonna be, but I knew I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. And then I knew I was doin’ the right thing. She was as much a part of my life as I was. There was no me without her.”

Would that work? No. I was sure I could imagine my life without Harlan.

“Go ahead, then, try it,” Biker Man encouraged as if he’d read my mind.

I closed my eyes and tried to picture all the things I’d dreamed of happening in my life, all the things I’d put on vision boards. I imagined going to work atPulseand coming home to my apartment. But when I got home, Harlan was there.

I imagined going on a work trip to New York, and when I got to my hotel room, there were flowers from Harlan.

I imagined getting out of the limo and onto the red carpet at the Emmy’s, and Harlan was the one taking my hand.

I imagined getting sick, like my aunt, and Harlan was the one beside me at the hospital.

I imagined starting my own consulting business, and Harlan was the one checking out office spaces with me.

I imagined staying in Firefly Island and going to sleep every night, and Harlan’s was the last face I saw before I closed my eyes.

I imagined waking up and Harlan’s face being the first face I saw.

I tried to imagine anything happening in my life without him being a part of it, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t.

“I can’t,” I said as I opened my eyes. “I can’t imagine…”

My words trailed off when I saw that Biker Man was no longer seated beside me. In fact, the only other person in the waiting area was a mom with her two kids who had been there when I arrived.

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