Page 17 of Sinful Desires

Standing on that balcony with the wind stirring my hair and stinging my cheeks, I could almost feel her frail hand in mine. I could smell the hospice and hear the steady, incessant beeping of machines.

And in my head, I heard my vow, one I had been glad to make.“I promise I will, and I promise I am going to make them pay for ever hurting you. All of them. They are going to knowwhat they’ve done, and they will regret it for the rest of their lives. I swear, Mom. I'm going to hurt them.”

Then she had smiled, and it had been so long since I had seen her smile. For the first time since she began to fall apart, she looked happy and at peace. I needed to believe she died that way.

“Hey. Are you okay out here?”

I scrambled to compose myself at the sound of Aria’s soft voice behind me. Of all times for her to come sneaking around. “Just wrapped up my call,” I announced over my shoulder, gazing out into the night.

It should have been me.

Her life should have been mine.

“I was running up to my room to grab a sweater, and I saw you out here. You looked…” Obviously, kindness was not her forte. It was like she had lost track of what she wanted to say, eventually going silent.

“I’m fine.”

She came closer, footsteps ringing out against the steel beneath our feet. “I got the feeling you were having a rough time back there in the dining room.”

“You’re very perceptive.” Shit, I couldn’t afford to let the bitterness leak out.

If anything, she seemed to appreciate that, laughing gently before reaching my side and gripping the iron railing running in front of us. “I hope everybody hasn’t come on too strong. You know what I mean. With Dad making this big deal about including you in the family and everybody trying to meet and learn about you, it must be a lot.”

Good. Let her think that was the problem. “You have a nice relationship with your parents,” I observed, staring outward rather than looking at her. There was no hope of concealing my rancor if I were looking her in the eye. She would see through me.

“I know I’m lucky. I know lots of people who don’t and never did. I don’t take it for granted.” That would probably be a first. I couldn’t imagine how she didn’t take her life for granted. It seemed an impossibility growing up this way, surrounded by priceless artwork and drinking from Baccarat crystal with an entire city laid out before her.

She stretched her arms to the sides, sighing and gripping the railing tighter. “It probably seems like we’ve had it easy,” she mused, almost as if she read my mind. “And I guess we have in so many ways. But Mom raised my sister and me a lot differently than other people our age in our circle. She grew up like a normal person. She went through… a lot,” she added, her voice cracking. “The sort of stuff she won’t even tell us. My Uncle Barrett has made vague references to it from time to time, and he’s always furious and bitter when he does. And usually kind of tipsy,” she added with a snicker.

“Alcohol does tend to loosen tongues,” I agreed. Hence, the fact that I’d greatly lessened my intake since moving in with the family.

“I’m sure you went through a lot. You worked your way up from nothing.” Was that genuine respect in her voice? Or did she feel sorry for me? “And now you can start fresh out here… with a new family.”

“Don’t pretend that doesn’t make you sick,” I warned.

Her laughter was soft, a note of wry understanding running beneath it. “I won’t.”

“I’m not going to forget her.”

“You shouldn’t forget her,” she replied. “Nobody would expect you to do that. She was your mom. She’ll always be your mom.”

Her empty reassurances left a bitter taste in my mouth. I swallowed it back, keen to take advantage of her sympathy. “Imiss her,” I choked out and was rewarded by her sympathetic sigh.

“I’m sorry. I really am.”

The strangest thing happened. She touched my shoulder, her hand molding around the muscle, fingers pressing in. “But, you know, everybody around here likes you and wants you to be part of things. I’m pretty sure Lucian wants to get into a serious relationship with your motorcycle.”

I didn’t expect to laugh, much less loud and hard the way I did. Her unexpected comment was refreshing. She had a sense of humor under that prickly, bitchy veneer. “It’ll be a cold day in hell,” I told her, making her laugh again.

I took the risk of looking her way, finally meeting her gaze. Her eyes sparkled like sapphires in the lights from the countless skyscrapers surrounding us, emanating warmth that didn’t seem entirely forced. She offered a genuine if slightly awkward, smile. “Come on. Let’s go in and finish eating. Valentina swung by Baked and picked up their apple pie. It’s the best in the world, I swear. There won’t be any left if we don’t hurry.”

Something about the moment left me wanting to draw it out. We had crossed a threshold. Returning to the dining table would end the tentative closeness we’d achieved.

“Thank you.” I covered her hand with mine. “You have no idea how much it means. It’s kind of you to reach out.”

Her lashes fluttered, confusion passing over her face before she replied, “Sure. You’re welcome.”

It was a risk, but what was life without it? She flinched slightly but didn’t make a move to stop me as I opened my arms and slowly closed them around her. “Really,” I murmured as she returned the hug. “Hearing that from you means everything. For some reason, your acceptance is what matters most. Probably because I started us out on the wrong foot.”

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