Page 16 of Sinful Desires

But my empathy only stretched so far. I squared my shoulders and strode into the hall, following the sounds of voices in the kitchen.

“I’m just saying you need to have Ari send a stylist over with something fantastic.” I rounded the doorway as Valentina finished making her proclamation. She stood near the stove, munching a slice of cucumber while Evelyn plated a roast and Aria spooned browned, steaming potatoes into a bowl. I hadn’t expected them to be the ones doing the cooking. Didn’t they have a staff? I’d seen their housekeeper several times, so I knew Evelyn didn’t take all of the household work on her shoulders.

“Would you tell her, please?” Upon noticing me, Valentina gestured toward her mother with the uneaten bit of cucumber in her hand. “They’re having this big party for her nonprofit, and she needs to look like a queen. She deserves it too. But she doesn’t want to take advantage of a friendship or whatever by getting somebody we’ve literally known all of our lives to send a couple of gowns over for her to try on.”

Through all this, Aria pointedly avoided looking my way but laughed softly at her sister’s exasperation. “You changed your hair,” I realized, admiring her now amethyst locks from across the room. She wore them in lustrous waves over her shoulders and down her back.

Aria’s head snapped up, one hand touching her hair as if she was self-conscious. “I went to the salon today. It was time for something new.” Her eyes briefly met mine before darting away while she attempted to hide a pleased little smile by ducking her head.

I then realized Valentina was still waiting for me to back her up. “I have to agree,” I told Evelyn, reminding myself as I did how crucial it was to conceal my absolute loathing of the woman. There was no excuse for what she had done. She knew Magnus was married when she sank her claws into him. It took two to tango, certainly, and I would never have absolved Magnus from blame, but she played a part as well.

She laughed warmly, shaking her head. “How would that look?” she countered, setting the roast aside before going to the glass door refrigerator and pulling a large salad from inside. “The women we help can’t afford couture from Farrah Goldsmith.”

“It’s a special occasion. Thirty years, Mom.” There was obvious pride ringing in Aria's voice and shining in her blue eyes when she looked at her mother. I had never seen such plain heroworship up close. “Everybody expects you to look exquisite, and you know Ari would love to help.”

“I’ll think about it,” Evelyn murmured in a way that told me she was convinced. Her daughters had talked to her into it. All of her false modesty made me sick to my stomach. Yes, she had done good things for people who deserved it. But my mother had deserved it. She had deserved better than what life gave her at the hands of Evelyn Black.

“I’ve been salivating over the aroma of this roast.” Magnus’s booming voice preceded him, and soon he joined us in the kitchen. “Miles. I’m so glad you’re joining us tonight. It will be nice to have all three of you here at once.”

Aria’s jaw clenched as she passed on her way to the dining room. She was still determined to resent me, though something made her hide it better than she had before. Was it gratitude after the fight at the bar or because of the kiss she couldn’t resist? Either way, she hated me for it and likely hated herself for revealing her weakness the instant I touched her.

When I did have her, and I would, there was no doubt in my mind that it would help not to have to force myself to get it up. But it would be a job like any other. Another step along the path I had laid for myself. Which was why it could not come as the result of a rush of hormones. I needed to get a hold of myself before everything went to shit over a pair of great tits and a smart mouth I would love to fill with my cock.

“Let me help me with that.” I took the salad bowl for Evelyn, forcing a smile, chatting with Magnus about his interest in AI and what it could mean for the future. This, I could handle. Aside from my mother, we had business in common.

“I would love to get in on the work you’re doing.” He took his seat at the head of the table, spanning a long, formal dining room. It seemed wasteful, all that space for so few people, to say nothing of the fine china and crystal at each place setting, theheavy silk tablecloth and napkins embroidered with the letter M for Miller.

I had once dreamed of living life at this level. Now, all I saw was the waste in the way he chose to live.

“Could we not talk about business tonight?” Evelyn planted a soft kiss against her husband’s cheek before taking her seat at his right hand. Valentina sat at her right, leaving Aria to sit at Magnus’s left. I gladly took the chair beside her, pretending not to notice how she stiffened at my nearness.

“Seriously, Dad.” It was clear to me, at least, that she went out of her way to engage him while ignoring me. “Isn’t it bad enough you’ve been having all your little hushed phone calls in your study night and day? Now you have to bring it to the dinner table.” She shook her head, clicking her tongue.

Evelyn exchanged a glance with her husband before interjecting, “Now, you know it’s my prerogative to chide your dad over working too hard, Aria.”

“It’s a habit,” Magnus reminded his wife, chuckling. “I’ll try to behave myself.” The look they exchanged spoke volumes.

Volumes that were not lost upon their daughters. “Ugh.” Valentina dramatically rolled her eyes. “Do you two have to flirt in front of us? Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you, like, still enjoy each other…”

“Can you not say itthatway?” Aria asked, looking pained. “I know we’re adults, but yuck.” Their parents laughed, telling me they got a great deal of enjoyment out of embarrassing their daughters. Some things were universal, no matter how much wealth a person amassed.

Somehow, I managed to look pleasant between bites of succulent roast beef. Evelyn could cook. I could give her that much. What a shame the juicy meat soured in my mouth as the happy couple gazed lovingly at each other.

That should have been my mother. I should have been at this table all these years. Instead, I was at the mercy of countless boyfriends, acquaintances, the men my mother gravitated toward in a desperate search for some semblance of normalcy and security. I couldn’t imagine the life she once lived here in this city, though she had gone out of her way to describe it so many times. How fast-paced and colorful it was—all of her many friends and the travels she was able to enjoy while working as a model. Childbirth had gone a long way toward putting an end to her career, yet another layer of guilt that I’d grappled with in my youth. She used to sit at night with a bottle of vodka and a large book filled with photos from her younger days. So beautiful, so young. So undeserving of the shit Magnus had heaped upon her.

My hand tightened around my knife while everyone continued their mindless chatter. These girls didn’t know what it meant to hold the hand of the only person they’ve ever loved as they took their final, painful breath after years of suffering. They couldn’t conceive of the pain of watching a parent deteriorate before their very eyes. The beautiful, spirited girl from those photo shoots may as well have been a ghost the way my mother now was.

“Excuse me.” It was the first thing I’d said since we sat. All eyes turned toward me, watching as I pushed my chair away from the table and stood. “I forgot to place a call to one of my advisors, and it can’t wait until tomorrow. I won’t be long.” It came out in a rush, punctuated by dropping my napkin onto the chair. I needed air. I needed quiet. My thoughts were spiraling, memories overlapping, bitterness gripping my very soul.

I headed straight for the balcony leading out from the front room and all but threw myself out there, taking one grateful gulp after another of air that had gone cold now that the sun had set. The city was coming alive beneath me, all those many floors below. Was this how God felt, if there was a god? Looking downover creation, observing the lights and the activity without being part of it?

I pulled out my phone, though not with the purpose of placing a call. I didn’t often pull up the private folder in my photo app, but it was at moments like this when a visual reminder of everything I’d lost came in handy. I had saved photos over the years, transferring them from one device to the next. It was the ones of my mother and me which I held most dear.

She was healthy once when her demons hadn’t yet taken hold of her. Smiling on Christmas Day, presenting me with a bicycle was the last good Christmas I could remember when she had a steady job. Everything had begun to unravel following that when she met the man who first enticed her to try a drug that would help her forget her worries. Little had she known, her worries would only explode after that point.

She never knew the kind of comfort, warmth, and love now surrounding me. Why couldn’t she have been happy? Why did every aspect of her life need to be a struggle?

“Promise me.”Fuck, her voice had been so weak by then, ravaged by years of heavy drinking, weakened by the drugs that had flowed throughout her body. All of the money I’d made wasn’t enough to save her. With the best hospitals and rehab centers and top doctors, the damage had already been done.“Promise me you will take care of yourself when I’m gone.”

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