Page 54 of Losing Hope

She nodded this time. “Okay then, I’m listening.”

“I loved your mother very,very much, Hope. As hard as this may be for you to believe, Faith was the first and only time I ever strayed in all our years together.”

One eyebrow arched high as she tilted her head in doubt, but she remained silent.

“Your mother was extremely busy with her charities, and I suppose I was, too, with my work. We stopped spending any real quality time together.” A flush crept up his neck to his cheeks in obvious embarrassment over the topic of discussion. “She was always tired, and no longer wanted to go out, travel, or even just spend time together.”

He glanced over at her sheepishly. “I’m sorry, this isn’t a very comfortable thing to discuss with my daughter.”

“Daddy, I’m a grown woman. I can handle it. Go on.” She waved her hand in the air to indicate he should move along.

He nodded. “I was just peaking over my mid-fifties, and I suppose feeling a bit sorry for myself, thinking perhaps the best part of my life was over. And then, out of nowhere, in waltzes this intern. She’s young, and she’s beautiful and so eager. I began to notice that her eyes followed me everywhere when we were in the same space.”

“Faith?”

Her father nodded with a sad smile. “Yes, Faith. I was so flattered that this beautiful, young woman was interested in me, and God forgive me, I acted on it. I invited her to work on a cover project with me and kept her late one night. It started out slowly. Dinners here and there. A concert. Then, finally, well, I’m sure I don’t have to spell it out foryou.”

“No, I’m sure you don’t, but I’d like you to. I need to understand exactly how her and Mother ended up in that car together.”

His sad eyes locked onto hers as he nodded grimly. “I know, and I’ll get there.” He stood up then and, taking his mug, walked to the coffee pot and poured himself another. He lifted the pot to her in question, but she shook her head no. He stayed on that side of the counter and began to speak again.

“This continued for several months. I can’t say for sure if anyone at the office caught on or not. We were very discreet there, but I saw her three and sometimes four nights a week. I used one of the corporate apartments, so it was easy to just say I’d been working late or at a dinner engagement. I even took Faith to Miami with me for a conference Ihad.”

“Yes, she wrote Gage and told him about the trip. She told him she had fallen in love and that you shared her sentiments.” A scowl dressed her face as she looked at him. “Did you, Father? Did you loveher?”

He smiled wistfully but shook his head no. “There are a lot of things I regret in this life, but that may be one of the biggest. I took this young girl and used her to make myself feel better, not realizing the horrible impact it would have on her. I was a fool to not realize how naïve she really was. I loved the time I spent with her. I loved the way she made me feel young again. I loved how such simple things brought her joy and made me feel like a man again. But, no, I didn’t love her. Your mother is the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

“But you got her pregnant. Did you really ask her to abort thebaby?”

Shame flashed across his face, and she knew instantly what his answer was. Sick to her stomach, she gasped, “Father, you didn’t!”

He moved to sit next to her again and grasped one of her hands in his. “Only in the purest moment of shock and weakness. Shortly after we came back from Miami, I realized that I was making the biggest mistake of my life and needed to end things with her. I asked her to meet me at the apartment, where I told her I had to let her go, and, of course, I apologized for any hurt I was causingher.”

He grimaced at the memory but continued. “She was heartbroken. Said she didn’t know how she was going to live without me and professed her love to me again and again. And, honestly, I was devastated as well but only because it hurt me to know my selfishness had caused her so much pain. She didn’t deserve it. She really didn’t.”

Hope could see that her father was genuinely saddened about the grief he had caused Faith, which only caused her feelings about the whole matter to become more unstable. “Is this when you found out she was pregnant?”

“No, not for another week or so. And, in that time, I confessed everything to your mother. I had committed the worst betrayal to her and our marriage that I could, and she deserved to know the truth.”

Her eyes widened in surprise at his admission. “You told Mother? So, she knew about the affair?”

He closed his eyes briefly and shook his head as if he himself couldn’t believe the outcome of his confession. “She didn’t know until I told her, and, of course, she was hurt and angry, and in a way only your mother could, she was forgiving.”

“Mother forgave you? Really?” Disbelief laced her voice.

He scoffed as if he himself still couldn’t believe it. “She did. She said that, after twenty-five wonderful years, she could forgive me one indiscretion. God only knows why, but your mother lovedme.”

“Because she was amazing, Daddy. How could you have ever stopped seeing that?” Her voice was quiet and filled with disappointment.

He patted her hand, a knowing frown on his face. “I know, baby girl. I know. Don’t think that I haven’t asked myself that a hundred times.”

“This still doesn’t explain the pregnancy and the car accident.” She wasn’t letting him off the hook that easily.

“It may have been five or six days after I had ended the relationship with Faith that she came to my office one late afternoon. She told me she was pregnant and was already over four months along. I was shocked, to say the least, and I confess, at first, I didn’t believe her. I assumed it was a ploy to try to prolong the relationship, and I know I said things that were awful and unkind. I made her leave, and instead of feeling sympathy, I admit, I only felt anger.”

“Well, I suppose that’s a natural reaction, but you must have considered it was possible that she really was pregnant?”

He nodded. “Of course, and she confirmed it the next day when she came by again, this time with a sonogram of the baby. I was shocked into submission, to say the least. And also at a loss. I honestly had no idea what to do or say, so I asked her to come back the next evening so we would discussit.”

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