Page 77 of How to Be a Scottish Mistress

“I am grateful to the earl for his kindness and support,” Fiona began. “His willingness to foster Spencer has relieved me of a tremendous burden, however I can no longer, in good conscience, impose on his generous hospitality. Therefore, I am leaving.”

Aileen watched her intently. “Yer explanation sounds so simple and reasonable, but yer actions prove the words false. Why must ye steal away under cover of darkness, like a thief in the night? Does the earl even know that ye are gone? What are ye hiding, Fiona?”

“Nothing,” Fiona replied beseechingly.

Aileen pursed her lips and took a deep breath. “On the day of my arrival, there were several women eager to tell me stories about ye. Vile, spiteful, dishonorable things, yet I refused to believe what they said. ’Twas rumors and gossip and I wouldn’t be a party to it.” Aileen studied Fiona closely, her expression darkening. “Was I wrong to ignore them? Are ye in truth the earl’s mistress?”

“Oh, Aileen.” Unthinking, Fiona moved forward. Aileen’s eyes widened and she moved away. The rejection stung, yet Fiona realized that Aileen’s pride must surely be hurting. “I swear to you, anything that existed between the earl and myself ended the moment you stepped inside the walls of his keep.”

“And before?”

Fiona lowered her chin, embarrassment heating her cheeks. “The past has no lasting meaning. ’Tis over and done and quickly forgotten.”

“Not by everyone,” Aileen said flatly. “Certainly not by the earl.”

“You are mistaken,” Fiona whispered, not daring to let even a sliver of hope enter her heart.

“Nay.” Aileen shook her head adamantly. “Something isn’t right.”

Fiona opened her mouth to dispute those words, but then a sudden, exhausted weariness overtook her. The days of emotional turmoil, the week of pain and sorrow and loss came crashing down on her. Fie, if she were sitting on her horse, she might very well have toppled off.

“Go back to the castle, Aileen,” Fiona said wearily, having neither the strength nor the stamina to argue anymore. “Forget what you have been told, forget what you have seen this morning. Move forward with your life and be happy. Please.”

Aileen held herself tightly, refusing to meet Fiona’s gaze. Then, as if something snapped inside her, Aileen twisted her lips into a snarl. “Ye think me a child. A silly agreeable lass, timid as a newborn kitten, who believes everything she is told, who blindly follows everyone else’s commands without question or complaint. Well, ye’re wrong about me. Dead wrong.”

“I never thought you were timid, Aileen. Young, yes, and innocent. But I’ve seen your spark of passion and strength of character. Qualities that will stand you in good stead as you mature.”

Aileen shook off Fiona’s attempts to placate her. “I will not be shamed by ye, Fiona. I’ve seen the way the earl looks at ye.”

Fiona gasped. “What?”

“He hides it well, but every now and again it emerges. The longing in his eyes, the sadness on his brow. Pray, do not insult me by denying it.”

The bitterness in Aileen’s voice startled her. Fiona had been so caught up in her own misery she hadn’t realized the extent of Aileen’s distress and disappointment. Or knowledge.

“Then you understand why I must go.”

“Aye. ’Tis best, I know. But I also know if ye run from him, he’ll chase after ye.”

Fiona’s gut tightened. “He won’t find me. Especially if you keep my secret and say nothing.”

Aileen put her hand on her horse’s flank as if to steady herself. “Don’t ye see, it will be worse? If he never finds ye, he will never forget ye. How can I live with that truth?”

Fiona looked at Aileen in shock. “You are exaggerating his feelings for me. They are not that strong or that constant. In but a few weeks’ time, I will be nothing more than a distant memory for him.”

Aileen lifted a wry brow. “’Tis what I pray fer every night.” Her breath hitched. “I willnae share my husband. I willnae allow him in my bed while he pines fer another in his mind and heart. He must choose me willingly, freely, or else he’ll not have me.”

“He already has chosen you,” Fiona choked. “You will be his bride, his countess.”

Aileen closed her eyes. Fiona could see the rigid set to her shoulders. She was holding herself tightly, striving to remain composed. “The earl made an agreement with my father. I dutifully accepted that decree without knowing the facts.”

Fiona couldn’t stop the flood of pity that washed over her. Aileen was so young! Yet surely old enough to understand the unfairness of a woman’s fate in this harsh world run by men. Women of their station rarely, if ever, had the right to voice an opinion about the men they married. More often than not, they had to suffer their husbands until death dissolved the union.

“You cannot defy your father,” Fiona said gently.

Aileen’s eyes flew open. “He willnae force me to wed if he believes the earl’s offer to be self-serving and insincere. Therefore, I have decided that I will only marry the earl if he freely pledges his honor and fidelity to me. And he must speak that vow while we are standing side by side, so that I may judge for myself its truth and sincerity.”

Chapter 17

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