Page 61 of The Highlander Who Loved Me

A few tendrils of hair had come loose from her braid and were curling on her neck. Her creamy flesh looked so inviting. He knew her skin would feel like silk under his questing hands and lips.

Oh, how he longed to place a kiss in that tender, vulnerable spot at her nape and trail his way downward, kissing and caressing every inch of her! Yet he stoically resisted the temptation, allowing the flame within him to slowly ebb.

“Have ye been drinking?” he asked gently, for he could find no other answer for her uncharacteristic behavior.

“Just one extra glass of wine fer courage,” she admitted. “But I’m not drunk. I know exactly what I’m doing.”

“Then ye best explain it to me, Davina, ’cause I haven’t a clue.”

“I want to share yer bed tonight, James.”

He snorted ruefully and shook his head. “I fear our past will make marriage between us a hardship.”

She withdrew slightly. “I’m not asking fer marriage, James. But I am asking ye to lie with me and help me bury the past once and fer all.”

“Ye dinnae mince words, yet it still makes no sense.”

He could see that her hands were trembling, yet she fixed an unwavering gaze upon him when she spoke. “The innocent lass who believed that life would treat her well died the afternoon we were attacked. I dinnae remember much of what happened, but the feelings of terror and fear and utter helplessness remain with me.

“Do ye know what it’s like to be fearful of yer own shadow? To feel the humiliation of being unable to leave the walls of yer home without shaking so hard yer teeth rattle?”

“God’s blood.” His voice was raw with tortured emotion.

“I do, James. I know. Ye tried to comfort me after that attack and I turned you away because I couldn’t bear to face the truth. Fer the past five years I’ve locked myself away, hoping to ease the pain, but it only grew worse. Fer so many years, I’ve prayed fer strength, I’ve sought solace in strong medicine to ease my pain, to pull me away from the darkness that plagued my mind and heart.”

He bit back an oath. “Ye cannae run from the pain, Davina, fer it will always follow. Ye must face it, conquer it.”

“As ye did, by running off to the Crusades?”

He turned with a growl and she lowered her head. “Forgive me, James. I’ve no right to judge. I treated ye cruelly, unfairly. Ye did what ye needed to survive.”

“So this is to be my payment? Having ye in my bed fer one night?”

“No, James, this is my way of breaking free from the past and finally escaping the walls of isolation that surround me.”

“Ye are no longer fearful of intimacy with a man?”

She swallowed so hard he could see her throat move. “I’m no longer terrified of facing the truth. If I’m not a virgin, then so be it. It almost doesn’t matter, fer I will forever feel violated by that horrid outlaw.”

James cursed under his breath. “I should have saved ye, Davina.”

She reached for his hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Oh, James, ye did save me. We are both alive to tell the tale and that’s because of ye.”

He raised her hands and rubbed them against his cheek. “I dinnae deserve yer forgiveness.”

“Ye are being daft!” she cried. “Pigheaded! There’s nothing to forgive. Ye did nothing wrong.”

James bit the inside of his cheek to prevent an outburst of temper. Arguing would solve little. He would carry this guilt to the grave, yet knowing Davina did not blame him eased a bit of his sorrow. Yet he had no right to expect her to fill the emptiness in his heart.

“I have nightmares too,” he confessed quietly.

Her eyes watered and he noticed the trembling of her chin, but she did not let the tears fall. “Let’s join together and banish these nightmares forever,” she said. “We’ve both learned ’tis pointless to cry over what’s been lost, to spend our days and nights wishing things had been different.

“’Tis a most unusual twist of fate that has brought us together again, James. We should not waste this precious chance. I want the memory of making love with ye to fill my dreams instead of the fear.”

Her heartfelt plea rattled him to the core. Emotions he did not want to identify and acknowledge stirred within him. Stalling for time, James added some wood to the small fire burning in the fireplace. The flames rose, dispelling the chill in the chamber. But not the rising fear in his heart.

Once consummated, there would be no graceful way to end the relationship. If he took Davina to his bed, she would become his wife. McKenna honor demanded no less.

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