Page 80 of Monsters of Desire and Nightmares of Passion

“Did you convince the others to join us?” Mrez asks, worry lingering in his voice.

Draw exhales softly. Just then, I notice all the vials and jars lining the walls of this place. It looks like something out of a mad professor’s dream. Dead, unseeing eyes look back at me from questionable liquids. Herbs, dried and fresh, hang from the ceiling, intermingled with chains and dangling ropes. The small space and the arid smell make me want to retch again.

“Can we get away from here?” I sound so much weaker than I want to, but I’m done. This is too much. All the feelings I had pushed away now invade my soul like an avalanche.

“No, we should stay and try to convince our people to fight.”

“I don’t want to stay here anymore. I want to go home.”

“If you go, they won’t join our ranks. You have to spark their hope again.” Draw sounds serious

I have to bite my lip. Two days ago, I was merely a nurse, then everything changed and pushed me into this fight I somehow sensed we were losing. Anger surges inside me.

“Why are we doing this? We lost Khal already, and we’re going to get killed before we reach those crazy church guys. I’m done. I don’t want to run around anymore. Take me home.”

I stand up, threatening to push away Draw and leave the hut. The post-coitus cloud is long since gone. I need to get away from this place. I want to be home, in my small apartment, with Powder. I want to read a pervy novel, drink tea, and order Chinese food. I want the monsters to go back to my dreams and leave me the fuck alone. I’ve had enough—enough pain, enough loss, enough suffering. For years and years, all I hoped to remember. Today, all I want is to forget. I would gladly start with a clean slate again.

I open the door and exit the hut.

Draw follows me. “You’re right, Ivy. This isn’t your fight, and it’s not easy. We can’t even convince our own people to fight against The Church of Light. And yes, we lost Khal. I’m not even sure his sacrifice was worth it. I understand if you’re sick of it and want nothing more to do with it.”

Mrez remains silent.

“Ivy, we’ll take you home. And we’ll pick up Powder on the wat. After that, you’ll never have to see us ever again.”

“I can’t do this,” I try to explain. “My friends tried to kill me, and I was poisoned twice in less than three days. I’m done. I’m sorry, but I wish I had never known about this world.”

A deep roar surrounds me. It sounds like a mocking laugh. I recognize the voice as belonging to The Healer. I turn to the direction the sound is coming from and flip him off.

Mrez holds my hand. “Ivy, if you leave, the Shadows won’t join us. It’ll be impossible to defeat The Church of Light. When they’ve defeated us, they’ll probably come after you.”

“I don’t care. I’ll move. I’ll get myself a gun. But I’m done with this. You picked the wrong woman. I’m not a fighter. I’m a freaking nurse, for God’s sake.”

Mrez’s head sank. I feel the pain running through our connection but, to be honest, I’m so over this that I don’t give a damn anymore. Let him hurt. I just want to be gone. It’s all so much I’m about to scream. Instead, I feel dizzy.

“It’s the air,” Draw whispers. “It has a certain effect on humans.”

The world began spinning badly and, just like that, I passed out.

Draw

Ivy faints and I gather her in my arms. I know I’m being selfish. I’m leaning on her to do what I want. I never even tried to talk to her about Khal’s death. Do I really expect her to save my world? What does she care if the Shadows live or are engulfed by the Nothingness? It’s her right to choose, and I’m taking that right away from her.

Maybe we should have left Ivy years ago, left her alone to live her life after her mind shielded her from us. For a while, she had been living a normal life. The Church of Light would not have found Ivy without our energy footprint all over her. We compromised her safety because we needed her in our existence. And that was for pure selfishness.

None of us could stop from entering her dreams again and again, tasting her, watching her moan, pushing her toward ecstasy. It’s all on me. I’m the alpha and, as such, I should have stopped this. I should have organized my people and hunted The Church of Light before they became too strong. I should have been thinking about something else, and not about Ivy’s wetness and about how much I wanted to bury my cock inside her. The energy and desire are undeniable.

Ivy has already lost so much. She lost her family, her home, her friends. She even lost her memories, all because of us. And we ruined what little she had left.

I’m selfish.

Ivy’s sweet scent fills my nose. Mrez follows as we both head toward one of the portals that leads to the human realm.

Red eyes trail our steps, eyes belonging to Shadows either too scared or too weak to fight. The Anomaly broke their spirits and I’m not strong enough to inspire them. I tried so hard to convince them to fight alongside us. I hoped to save them from extinction, but my hope was repaid with fear. I did my best to explain to them what the consequences to the world would be if The Church of Light wins. They said they will hide. Some of them are still connected to humans, able to survive off what little fear they can generate in their humans feel now and then. Even Xam was of no help. He remained frozen in terror of the Anomaly, like all the others. And why not be afraid? Her claws had already ripped deep into their minds and souls. The only thing they had left to lose was their existence. It reminded me of the way a human would survive for the rest of their miserable life on nothing but rice crackers. There was no taste or joy, but they didn’t care so long as they were alive. They want to hold on to their small existence, no matter what, and are not ready to face the Dark Lord who would be rising soon.

Never in my existence have I been so ready to end everything as I am now.

The plan is simple. I’ll take Ivy home and leave her there, erase our connection to her, and leave. Then I’ll offer myself as a sacrifice to The Church of Light. I am her mate, as is Mrez/ Our blood has mixed with hers and is now the same, so they can use us and leave Ivy alone.

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