Page 30 of Monsters of Desire and Nightmares of Passion

My breath hitches in my chest when the creature catches her. And still, she laughs. My chest aches with a longing I can’t explain. The answer is in my heart, not my mind.

“Draw, no fair. You have like six legs,” the young girl calls out laughing. The monster stops in its tracks and laughs, too. His laugh is loud and full. He offers her his hand and pulls her up. The girl jumps on his back, riding him like a deadly misshapen pony. I never believed in New Age crap but, as I watch them together, I witness an exchange of energy, of love that was pure. He makes sure the young girl sits comfortably on his back, and she leans close to him, grabbing his chest, before he starts running again. The soft, sweet longing turns into deep pain, a stab of loneliness calling out to me.

“Draw.”

Same as the girl, he can’t hear me. I’m in their world. This is only a memory, a part of my past, a part of who I really am. The girl was me, laughing with joy and riding on my best friend’s back. Draw was my first crush, my monster.

“I can take you for a ride if you like, but I need payment first.”

I remember that moment like it was yesterday. This Draw is not the man from my dreams. The tall young man with the scorpion lower body leans closer until their eyes are on the same level. He’s so much younger in my memory.

I close my eyes again. I’m the little girl. My heart beats like crazy. I’m about to get my first kiss, and with Draw. I’ve loved Draw since the day I was born. He’s my personal guardian angel, only he’s the type of angel willing to kill to protect me. Draw looks at me with his deep red glowing eyes. The twelve-year-old me presses a peck on his lips, scared to kiss him because of his sharp teeth.

“How’s kissing with those teeth going?”

“I don’t know.” His voice sounds sweet and shy.

“Have you kissed so many girls you can’t remember anymore?”

I’m being a tease. There’s nothing I want more than to kiss him.

“Ivy, you know I have a few millennia of experience. But this is new. I took on this new shape for you. Everything that happens with us is new because you are my true anchor. I’ll be anything you need me to be. Your best friend. Your brother. Your lover when the time comes.”

He kisses me. It’s such a sweet kiss.

Something pulls me out of the memory. Suddenly, I’m inside the house that stands tall and proud next to the lake. This is the house I can see from the shore of the lake, a rustic-style house created out of stones and logs. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Is that home? Did I have a home?

My breath catches in my chest again.

I turn around and examine everything around me. The living room is warm and cosy. A huge fireplace is lit, with a crackling log being chewed by the flames. Rustic blankets cover a large sofa, art hangs from the walls, and large windows open toward the lake. Books cover one wall, old tomes wrapped in thick leather, all lined up waiting for me to read them, knowledge and answers right at the tip of my fingers. I can see me there, lounging on the couch and going through page and page of stories.

A large staircase made from thick logs stands to my right. My footsteps are as soft as possible. The last thing I want is to bother the ghosts that call this place home. I’m a ghost in my own rights.

Am I dead already?

“Is this home?” I ask almost in a whisper as I look around the place. I’m aware this is a memory, my memory.

I turn my back to the living room, still listening to the crackling of the fire. My footsteps echo inside the house and, with each step, a new memory resurfaces. The only thing I can’t remember are my parents. I try to wrap my mind around what my thoughts are showing, but there are more closed doors.

Just as I reach the top of the stairs, I take another deep breath. As soon as I open my eyes again, the corridor is in front of me.

“What are you trying to show me?” I ask my subconscious. I hope I’m not dead. I’d like to still be alive, especially now that I know the monsters are my friends and not my enemies. They don’t haunt me. They protect me in their own way. I don’t know why they never told me this.

All I know is that Draw has been a part of my life since day one.

Then Khal.

And Mrez.

Damn, I ran away from Khal like an idiot. He saved me from crazy Dr. Martin. I could smack myself. And I do, giving myself a face slap. The sound of the slap reverberates through the large house. It’s so much louder than expected.

I should have stayed with Khal. He would have protected me. Maybe he had answers for me. What was this damn The Church of Light that Pegg and Dr Martin talked about?

I open another door.

A classroom opened in front of me. At least ten teenagers sit at their desks, jotting down notes. A beautiful woman with long, dark hair floating freely around her shoulders talks to us in a calm voice. I see myself as a kid, my hair up in a ponytail, sitting next to another girl. Emily. Her name was Emily. It clicks in my brain like another puzzle piece. She’s my best friend in the world. Emily has strawberry blonde hair with neon pink highlights. She leans closer to me, takes notes, and whispers something.

“Ivy?”

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