Page 6 of Beautiful Dark Temptation

Mads didn’t say anything. I just breathed,looked out the window. I hated the trees. A minute of silencepassed. More than a minute. “She won’t give you the money back,” Iwhispered. She probably shot it up her veins already. I didn’tmention that part. “Why you’d do something so stupid like that?” Isaid to the window.

“The why doesn’t matter. And I don’t careabout the money. Do you want to go back?”

When Mad Dog had said he bought me I thoughthe was going to do things to me. Bad things. But he hadn’t. He kepthis distance. He said he bought me so that he’d be able to help meget out, do something productive with my life. I don’t mindhandouts. In the fight between pride and survival, survival usuallywon out. But I thought he was going to force me to be a soldier. Itold him I’d never work for the people who killed my family. Then Ithought he’d force me to do something else, something involvingsex. I wasn’t stupid. I knew powerful men like him who hadeverything used kids like me for other things. Things I didn’t wantto think about anymore. But he never tried anything. He said thatschool had been his idea, and having the Brennan name would keep mesafe in this school. Although I hated him, I didn’t want to go backto my moms. I didn’t want to know what she’d do to me when Danielwasn’t there.

“The only thing you’re good at is havinga pretty face,”Mom had said.

“She’s better off without me,” Imumbled.

Mad Dog made a frustrated sound calling outmy bullshit. “Yeah, let’s play that bullshit card right now. Don’tlie to me, Tomás,” he said. “I know she hurt you in a bad way.”

I didn’t say anything.

“You’ll be safe here,” he finally said.

I snorted.

“Just don’t fuck this up,” Mads added.

I was an inbred fuck up by nature. I nevergot anything right. “Got it,” I snapped.

“You better think—”

“I said I got it!”

I hated this. My brain getting all full ofthoughts I couldn’t make proper sense of right now. It was likefilling your glass with soda to the rim thinking you have enoughspace in the glass, but that foam part makes its way over the edgeanyway. That was my brain. Too full of foam running over theedge.

Mad Dog breathed. Everyone around me neededsome breathing room.

Good for nothing. Not even school.

My mom’s voice always filled the foampart.

“I gotta piss.”

“Jesus, you went already.”

“I gotta go again.”

Frustrated, Mad Dog pulled over and I jumpedout even before he fully stopped. I walked straight into the trees.If he was going to leave my ass, then this was the moment it’dhappen. He could shoot me from the car. My body eaten by bears orwolves, or some shit that lived in the woods. I’d gone out to pissthree times already and he hadn’t done it yet, but each time Iwaited for it anyway.

I didn’t need to piss. I needed tobreathe.

I stopped walking when the trees thickened.I was in the jungle. I snorted. Nick and I had wanted to beexplorers one time. The closest we came was camping at home. Nickand I decided to sleep out in Dad’s backyard in a tent. Nick hadstarted reading a story from this book he loved,Goosebumps,and some guy who had robbed the convenience store at the corner ofour block had jumped our fence into our yard while the cops werechasing him. He’d cut across our yard, and they busted his ass atthe alley near the garbage cans. He’d had a gun too.

Dad had gone apeshit. The cops threatened toarrest him too. He eventually sent Nick back into the house and hadme and Miguel tear down the tent. Miguel had cussed Nick out forit, but I had stayed quiet. I was afraid of Miguel. My brother hada reputation of being insane. I was lucky being on his side, thoughI didn’t know what sidehewas on.

And now I was alone.

My brother Nick hadn’t reached out. I didn’tblame him. I punched him in the face once and we never reallybonded after that. It’d been my fault. After our older brothersdied during a gang war, Nick had been crying. I told him cryingdidn’t do anything. He said hurting people didn’t do anything. Ipunched him in the face and told him he was wrong. Hurting him hadmade me feel better. But that had been a lie. I threw up in thebathroom after I hit him. I wanted to tell him sorry. But what for?Nick wasn’t like us. He was soft and smart. The only one who had achance of getting out. Whatever getting out meant.

Nick should be going to college inCalifornia this fall.

Though we were the same age, I’d never beensmart enough to think about college. Nick loved books, studied allthe time, got into a fancy high school. He didn’t go to thefuneral. Mom said it was because his mother thought she was betterthan all of them. I thought that maybe Mom was right. Nick waslucky to have her. She cared enough for him not to let him go toDad’s funeral.

Everyone hated Nick for being Dad’sfavorite. At one time, I had hated him too. I wasn’t the youngest,Nick was. I wasn’t the bravest, Daniel was. I wasn’t the oldest,Miguel was, and I wasn’t the most loyal, Cruz was. There reallywasn’t anything I was good for. I’d even botched up the easiestthing in the world. Suicide by bodyguard. I thought that would’vegone down as easily as suicide by cop.Not.

Mom was right. The only way I’d survive wasby using my pretty face. Thinking about being used that way made mewant to go back in time and go with the suicide by cop option. Icouldn’t go back to her. Maddox promised that I’d be safe here. Hepromised that we’d figure it out. Although I didn’t have any reasonto believe Maddox Brennan, I had no choice. I wouldn’t surviveotherwise.

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