Page 47 of Beautiful Dark Temptation

“I think I’m bisexual.” The word bisexualdidn’t seem as daunting as I thought it would. It was a word. Acategory in a spectrum. It was a part of me but not the only thingabout me. And it felt good to just get it out to someone Itrusted.

It took a while for Kieran to say something.And he went with, “Yes, I can see that you’re not straight.”

I lifted myself on my elbow to look at him.He had that flushed after sex look on his face. His bottom lip abit more swollen, and my scent on him. He looked at me as if he sawsomething special. Something worth loving, maybe? I was confused.He moved a strand of hair away from my face, his finger slidingacross my heated skin.

“I’m not kidding,” I said, pushing thetopic.

“Neither am I.”

“What about you?” The question just burstout of me. I knew he wasn’t straight either, but I wanted him toadmit it. To give us a chance beyond the night. I wanted it so damnmuch, even if it meant being a secret. I’d wait for him to be readyto come out in public. I’d wait forever.

“What about me?” he asked, his voice turningcold.

I already knew I’d fucked up this moment,but I kept going anyway. “Are you gay, bi, pan, any of the othercategories that are equally valid?”

He pushed me aside and sat up, swung hislegs over the side of the bed, and started for the bathroom.Running. Anger was a potent thing right now. I grabbed the firstthing I found—a paperback I’d been reading—and threw it at the backof his head. It connected and plopped to the floor. “You’re such adick!”

He spun back to me. “Why, because I don’tneed a label?” he shot back.

“No, because you don’t want to admit it!” Idragged my ass up so that I was sitting against the headboard anddropped my knees open. I enjoyed the slow drag he gave me from myface to my dick. I cupped myself knowing I was playing a dangerousgame and I didn’t have a good poker face to go with it. “Admit youlike dick. Say it, Kieran. At least be honest with yourself.”

The next few seconds were like looking at apixelated image forming something evil. Bit by bit. And I wasentranced. It made me afraid and excited. I wanted to see the realKieran burst through, no holds barred, unafraid, unrestrained. Iwanted him to trust me enough to just let it all go.

He moved with purpose. His fists clenchingand unclenching. My own body reacted, waited for the assault. Wecould go to blows. I didn’t care. Fighting only intensified thisthing we had for each other. I didn’t even want to look at itdeeper than what it could mean, but if he needed this to escapewhatever headspace he’d crawled into, then bring it on.

But he stopped as if he’d slammed into abrick wall. The stone-cold features on his face turned to somethingmalicious. Darker. It sent the hairs along my body rising. My cocksoftened and I knew he’d go for the ache I’d carried deep inside ofme.

I just knew it.

“You need to learn your place,” he said withthat calm deadly voice he’d used on me before. The voice thatlifted that darkness to the surface. “Don’t think that this meansanything. And if you ever breathe a word of this to anyone, I willadd you to my growing list of bodies I’ve put in the ground. Do Imake myself clear?”

I clenched my teeth together so hard I wassure they’d pop. “Crystal,” I managed to croak out, hating thecrack in my voice.

He plucked the towel from the floor, wrappedit around his waist, and rushed out the door as if his own demonswere chasing him. They probably were.

Fuck him for making me come to terms that Itoo liked dick on my own while he ran from it.

I turned over and closed my eyes.

We were done. Our fuck-fest over. That’s allit was. I knew why he had to hide it from everyone else. Hell, Iwould’ve protected his secret if he asked. I wasn’t going to forcehim to come out. I got it. But to threaten to kill me? The prickleof tears burned my eyelids. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want tobe sold, branded, or used.

Dad had taught us how to survive. To steal,cheat, and even fight our way out of shit. I had to play thissmart. I wasn’t weak. I didn’t need him to protect me. I didn’tneed Maddox. Right there, on that bed, I made a decision. Fuck themall if they thought I’d just let them run my life. I had to claimmy life back. I had to get out of this place.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Tomás

Those moments I stood on stage pretending tobe someone else were the most spectacular of my life. It’s the onlyword I found to describe it. I sang. I danced. And it was somethingI was good at. It had been something I loved to do. Excepteverything outside the bubble of the performance tainted it.Tainted me. I hated it. I hated my life at Arcadia. I hated havingto ignore Kieran after what we did. After how he made me feel. Theemotions warped me. They scrambled my brain, and I couldn’t makesense of it. He’d dug his claws into me, made me his, and thenignored me. I knew he was deep in the closet. I was okay with that,but he continued to have girls around him, hanging off his arm likea fuck you to me.

And I couldn’t stand it anymore. It got tothe point that I stopped going to the house. I spent my time in thetheatre building for rehearsals, then when I was exhausted as allhell, I slept in the loft above the chapel.

When I was six, my grandma died. Mom hadbeen invited to the funeral because Grandma wanted to stick it tomy mom one last time. At least that’s what Mom had said. Daniel andI wore suits Dad bought us for Easter mass the year before. Theonly time we ever went to church. Daniel hated the suit but Brendasaid he looked nice, and he had liked her even back then so he worethe suit.

The church had been small. Rafters in theceiling, creaky floors, and the sound echoed all around us. My AuntTita had cried to God. Really loud. She was my mom’s oldest sister.But when everyone had left. I stayed behind playing with my HotWheels while Mom stared at the cross on the wall. “I hate thisplace,” she had said. “The stains of all those suffering bleed onthe walls, the floor, the ceiling. They scream and nobodylistens.”

I tried listening to the screams, but Ididn’t hear them either. It wasn’t until Daniel died and we werethe ones suffering that I understood what she meant.

The chapel was old, but at night I imaginedall the hurt and pain that bled into the walls. I didn’t sleep welland woke up with nightmares of my grandma and Daniel clawing at thewalls, trapped inside, unable to come back. I woke up screaming,sweating, and alone.

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