I snapped it closed and shoved it into myhoodie pocket. Dr. Casera went on. “The school does not havewireless access. Every connection is hardwired. You have been givena tablet and laptop. Every building has more than enough ports toallow you access for your study needs. There is no access to socialmedia platforms of any kind. We have a closed, secure network thatis monitored. We have the highest security protocols in place.Again, to ensure the safety of our students.”
I shifted in my seat. This was a prison.“Are we able to go off campus?”
The smile of his remained. “There may befield trips, teacher sponsored events, and special accommodationsfor a release, but that would need to be approved by your sponsor.Everything you need—convenience stores, clothing stores,restaurants, are all within campus.” He looked at Mad Dog.
It took me a moment to absorb what he wassaying. Mad Dog held the keys to my prison. I shot to my feet. “Noway.”
Dr. Casera seemed to have expected this,giving me time to process, but a prison warden was a prison warden.“If freedom outside these campus walls is what you need, we canmake arrangements. This is not a prison.”
“Bullshit. This is a prison.” I glared atMad Dog who didn’t even move.
What are your options?that fucker’sbody language said. No skin off his back. I’d die here or outthere. Pick one.
I walked to the back of the room, runningthrough shit in my head. I could try Nick. He’d probably let mehang out with him. I could try Aunt Tita. She was my mom’s oldestsister. She would take me in. I had uncles too. I could go back tofamily. Any one of them would take me in.
But then what? What if moms wanted me back?She always knew which buttons to push to get me back. The thoughthad me vibrating.
A chair scraped the floor behind me, and Iturned to see Maddox climb to his feet. Not Mad Dog as I knew himbut the killer, Maddox Brennan. He remained on his feet, leaningagainst the arm of his chair, just watching me play this shit outin my head.
I paced for a few seconds and then stoppedat the window, looking out over the green grass and trees. I felttrapped. An animal in a cage. A fancy cage, but a cage. I’d been inthis position before. A feeling of hopelessness poured over me, andI planted my forehead on the cool windowpane. The glass in front ofme misted as I exhaled, and I drew a happy face. I used to drawthem all over Daniel’s car windows so when he’d be making out witha girl and the car windows misted, he’d see all of them. He used toget pissed and chase me around the trailer for it. Shit, it hurtnot having him anymore. It was like a part of me had died too.
Maddox Brennan had killed him and thenbought me. Despite him not wanting sexual favors, he stillcontrolled me. He’d wanted me here and here I was. Everything paidfor—housing, food, books, tutoring—by him. I had nothing he didn’tgive me. I’d sold my soul to the man who killed my family.
And it stung.
Dr. Casera and Mad Dog remained silentbehind me, letting me process my shit.
“What would you have done ifIkilledyourbrothers?” I asked into the window. I didn’t care thatCasera was in the office. Dealing with the mafia, cartel, whatever,he probably knew everything about everybody.
“I would’ve killed you,” he said.“Slowly.”
My eyes burned and I shut them. I didn’twant to see my own reflection anymore.
“But you’re not me,” he added.
No, I wasn’t Maddox Brennan. He likeddrinking some expensive bourbon shit with oranges. I’d snuck andtasted some and it was nasty as shit. No, thank you. I was a beerguy. I knew he worried about his brothers, not so much about hisfather. That seemed strange. I knew his mother wasn’t in thepicture, though I didn’t know why, and figured he’d be tight withhis dad. But nope. I also knew his tells—when he was angry, when hewas thinking, when he wanted to crack a joke. I’d learned early onin life to measure a person so that I could read them. We’d fought,laughed, and watched The Flash together. He preferred DC. Ipreferred Marvel.
I knew he cooked good, learned from hisnana. My mom’s food choice had always been beans and eggs. At leastuntil the eggs got expensive. After that it was beans and cheese.Daniel and I learned to pick the green shit out of the cheese whenit started to grow. Mom said to make sure we ate at school becausewe didn’t have much at the house.
Daniel would often eat at his girlfriend’shouse, and he’d bring me some leftovers—chicken and rice—if I werelucky. But like Dad, he couldn’t keep the good girls for longbecause he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Brenda, one of hisGFs, had been good for us. She had two jobs and went to college.She’d bring us food sometimes and lock herself with Daniel in hisroom before sneaking out. I didn’t even mind sleeping on the sofathose days because it meant eating. She said her mom would kill herif she found out she was Daniel’s GF. She took a chance, and hemessed it up.
I saw her at his funeral the day we buriedhim. She didn’t stand next to Mom or the rest of the family, butshe did give me a sad look as if she knew what Mom did to me. As ifshe knew what was coming for me. She gave me a piece of paper witha phone number on it. I had called it the morning I meant to die. Idon’t know why I called. Maybe because I wanted to know if someonewould remember me after I died. Maybe to hear someone’s voice.
Anyways, when I dialed the number Brenda hadgiven me to tell her not to forget me, it’d been the number to theabuse hotline. I hung up and threw the paper away.
“Didyoudo it? Didyoukillthem?”
In my heart I wanted him to tell me hehadn’t killed them. That he hadn’t put a bullet in my dad’s headand then watched him burn. That he hadn’t done the same to Miguel,Cruz, Daniel. That it hadn’t beenhim. As if just orderingthe kill would somehow make me less of a sellout for wanting hisprotection, for accepting his help.
“Yes,” he answered. “I killed them.”
I turned to look at him. He wore noexpression on his face, and I envied how he could just turn off theworld. “Why?” He still never explained shit to me.
He shook his head. “Not doing this with youagain,Tomás.”
“One day, I’m going to kill you.” The wordsjust easily spilled out of my mouth with no emotion behind it. Asif it were the truest words I’d ever spoken. “I will make it mymission in life to end you. Just you. I won’t even try to hurt youby killing those you love the way you did me.”
That got a rise out of him. I saw thetension in his shoulders, the muscle twitch in his eye. The thinline of his lips as if he were grinding his teeth. “It won’t bringthem back.”