Page 88 of Healer's Call

“To be held. To know I was safe.”And loved.I keep that last part to myself. I'm not delirious enough to think that love is what this is about right now.

“You weren’t safe growing up?” he asks.

“I grew up in foster care, bouncing from one home to the next.” I don’t tell him anymore; I can’t tonight.

“I’m sorry you weren’t safe growing up,” he says in a low voice.

“It’s okay.” I nestle closer to him. “You weren’t either. Maybe that’s why fate paired us together.” He doesn’t say a word, and I wonder if I went too far. But I don’t really care right now. My filter is gone right now. I’m not sure how long we sit that way, but my mind and my heart rate finally begin to slow down enough at least that I can ask the questions that have been buzzing inside my head. “What was he?” I whisper, breaking the long silence. Mav doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t even move. “Please tell me; I-I need to know.” I pull back and look into his eyes. “Was it a vampire?”

“No.” His answer is swift and harsh.

“A rogue wolf?” His dark gaze finally meets my own, and I see the rage there. Hatred even. I suck in a breath. “Mav?”

“It was one of our own.”

Shock ripples through me. “Wh-what? Who was it?” My stomach is sick at the question.

His eyes meet mine without flinching. “Jacob.”

The air is sucked from my lungs. “Why?” The word comes out hoarse and broken. I feel like I’ve been gutted.

“I didn’t ask him before I killed him,” he says without batting an eye. Silence follows his comment.

“I’m going to be sick.” I stumble to my feet and barely make it to his toilet before I unload the contents of my stomach. Nothing makes sense. Jacob was my friend...I thought. And now, he’s dead because Mav killed him. I wonder if he feels guilty. A sick feeling tightens my stomach, and I throw up again. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Rose,” he warns.

“If I wouldn’t have called your name—”

“Stop,” he says.

“You wouldn’t have come.”

“Rose, stop.”

“And you wouldn’t have killed him,” the words come out on a sob. “It’s my fault he-he's dead.”

And then he’s right there. In front of me, crouched next to me on the floor. “Look at me.” My anguished eyes meet his. “I am only going to say this one time. This is not your fault. Any man that enters your room, especially at night, forfeits his life. You’re mine; everybody in this pack knows that. To enter your room without your consent is to sign their own death warrant.” My heart cries out at his words. Oh, how my heart wishes he meant them the way I want him to mean them. I drop my head onto my arms on the toilet, feeling absolutely depleted. He stands up and walks over to the sink. A moment later, he squats down next to me again and gently wipes my mouth. He puts the cloth down and then reaches for me and swings me up into his powerful arms again. He puts me on the other side of his bed and pulls the covers over me. “I know you probably can’t sleep but at least try to rest.”

“Are you leaving?”

“No.”

He paces the room, and I settle on my back. I know I won’t be sleeping anytime soon, even though my body is exhausted. My mind is too keyed up. It's only a few minutes later thatthe shakes begin. Maverick grabs another blanket and settles it atop me. “It’s the adrenaline,” he says softly. “It will fade.” He resumes his pacing, and I resume staring at the ceiling. Unbidden, my mind turns to Jacob; and sorrow fills my heart. Sure, I avoided the guy because he was always flirting with me, but I thought he was at least a friend or friendly. I’ve never been great at seeing people for who they truly are; I guess I always want to see the best in people. But this time, I really messed up.How could I have not known that he hated me so much, he wanted to kill me? And what did I do to deserve that?A single tear drips down my cheek, and I don’t even bother to wipe it away. For the first time since I got here, I wonder if I really should just give it up and head back to the Northwoods Pack. My heart squeezes, and I blink back more tears.I’ve given so much to this pack, and it’s just not enough.I roll over and curl into a ball, so Mav can’t see my tears. I feel a sense of hopelessness that I haven’t felt in a while. It’s something I hoped never to feel again. And yet, here it is. The hopelessness feels like it’s going to take over my mind. I squeeze my eyes shut because the pain of being awake and alert is more painful than revisiting the images in my nightmares.

I have no idea how much time passes. I hear voices come and go. Some I recognize; some I don’t. I always recognize Mav’s low voice, though. I keep my eyes shut through it all. If my eyes are open, someone might mistake me as awake and try to talk to me. And I can’t face anybody tonight. At some point, the voices finally fade. And then I hear his voice. “I know you’re not asleep.” But I don’t open my eyes. I can’t. “That’s okay. You don’t have to open your eyes. Just know that you’re safe, Rose. Now and always.”

My heart crumples in my chest because as much as I’ve longed to be safe, I’ve longed to be loved more. And that’s what he’s not capable of giving me. A thought hits me that hurts morethan the events of tonight.I’m going to have to give him up.If I don’t, I’m only risking greater heartbreak later on. He’s not going to commit; I’m only going to hurt myself the longer I let these feelings fester in my heart for him.

Chapter 42

Maverick

About an hour later, her breathing finally shifts into something deeper. I move around to the other side of the bed, being careful not to wake her. In the dark, I can see the wetness on her cheeks still. As much as I want to reach out and wipe the tears away, I don’t want to risk waking her when she’s finally sleeping. I stare down at her and vow that nothing will ever hurt her again. I leave the room, ready to track down Eli and Cade. They’ve been keeping me in the loop, but I still need to find them. An urge to shift ripples through me, but I lock it down. My wolf is riding me hard because of what happened to our mate. And I get it. I’m not really in control of myself at the moment either. I stride into Rose’s room. A quick glance around the room reveals the body is gone, and the blood stains have been removed. Still, Rose won’t be sleeping in here. Eli appears in the doorway, a fierce scowl on his face. “Talk to me,” I demand.

“I already told you. We’ve got nothing.”

“And I told you, that’s not good enough!” My claws make an appearance, and I wrestle my wolf down.

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