Page 70 of Water's Edge

“Good night, Dan,” I say. “I had a nice time.”

He leans in and I don’t stop him. The kiss is soft and gentle. I’ve never been kissed like that. He smiles and I kiss him back. Harder this time. Then I pull away and get in my car. He shuts the door.

The kiss has sobered me completely. As I drive home, I can’t help but notice my jaw hurts. I just can’t stop smiling.

Thirty-Four

It’s almost midnight. I drop my purse and keys on the table by the door. I lean back against the door for a beat, close my eyes, replaying the night, the kiss, his smile and laughter. I can’t remember having such a relaxed evening.

It was almost normal.

Or what I imagine normal to be.

Even with three cups of coffee, the alcohol is still holding its own. I’m tired but I know I won’t sleep for a while. I lock my gun in the gun safe, change into a sweatshirt and shorts, and open my computer to check my email. I’m not expecting one from Hayden, although I’ve written quite a few to him. Again no answer.

I log out of my personal email and into my Sheriff’s account. There are more than a dozen messages. Several are from personnel and training. I’ve missed diversity training and cultural awareness twice. I don’t go because it’s four hours of my life I won’t get back while I’m stuck in a chair listening to instructions on how to do things that I already know how to do. It’s like getting a class on how to tie your shoelaces. I also don’t need to qualify with my gun each year. I’m an expert shot with a pistol, rifle, and shotgun. I don’t win a prize, just a certificate in my file showing that I complied.

Too wired to go to sleep. That’s me at the moment. I decide to listen to the rest of the tape I started last night. I take the box from the top shelf of the closet and put it on the floor by my desk. The player is still loaded with the cassette. I think about getting some wine, a habit I’ve developed when playing the tapes of my sessions with Dr. Albright. Instead, I go to the kitchen and get a glass of tap water. I need a clear head for the morning. I settle in the chair and hit the “play” button.

The tape picks up in the middle of a sentence.

Me: —spent my whole life thinking I was alone. I had no relatives but Mom and Dad and Hayden. I told my aunt I need to know everything so I can find my mom. And my stepfather’s killer.

Dr. A: Go on.

Me: I can tell Aunt Ginger is holding something back. Something big. But I also feel that she cares about me. That’s when she tells me that right after my mom had me, a policeman came into the room with flowers. He told Ginger, “Special delivery.” Aunt Ginger told him that the other woman in the room, a Ms. Morales, was sleeping. She said the guy was handsome and wearing a uniform. He told her the flowers were for Courtney. My mom. Aunt Ginger thought they might be from their mom and dad, so she took them from the man. He nodded and turned to leave. She said my mom had the rails up on the bed and didn’t make a move to take the flowers, so Aunt Ginger took them. He nodded at my mom and left the room.

My mom wouldn’t take the flowers, and Aunt Ginger took the card and handed it to her. She said mom started crying and her hand moved to the incubator unit I was in. She told Aunt Ginger, “We need to get the hell out of here.” She sounded afraid. Aunt Ginger said she argued with her. She’d just had a baby. They couldn’t just leave. But my mom swung her legs over the side of the bed, tore out the tubes in her arms, and let out a whimper. My mom knew that she could do nothing to draw attention to herself. She got dressed and repeated that they had to go. Now. My mom was saying, “He can’t have her.” Aunt Ginger thought she’d gone a little insane and was going to press the button for the nurse, but Mom stopped her and handed her the card. It said, “Congratulation to Us. Bound forever. She’s mine. Always will be. In time, I’ll come for her.”

I press “stop.”

“I’ll come for her. She’s mine.” I say the words in a whisper. “Bound forever.”

It brings me back to the case I’m working at the moment.Bound forever.Is that why these women were chained and collared like a dog? Was some kind of sick ownership at play here? All three victims were or had been pregnant; two had had babies and given them up. Yet the first victim, Margie, had the baby excised from her womb. Pregnancies were an undeniable connection to the killer.

I drink my water and consider a glass of wine, but only for a second. I need to keep my focus.

Jim Truitt might have been the father of Leann’s child. Could he also be the father of Margie’s and Dina’s children? Dina gave her baby away. Leann gave her child away. But Margie was still pregnant. Was that something important to the killer? Did he want to get rid of the baby? Did he want her to keep it? Maybe he is keeping the fetus as a trophy. Maybe he has a whole shelf full of jars with fetuses floating in them…

The thought turns my stomach. I start the tape again.

Me: My aunt tells me everything. She tells me how my mom and she were certain the man who had brought the flowers was connected with my mom’s rapist. Her tormenter. My father. They decided that he’d been connected to law enforcement and that he’d abducted other girls. And that my mom’s cleverness had saved her. But then my mom had me. And he’d found her.

I can hear the guilt barely hidden in my voice. I was the reason my mother was on the run. I listen as Dr. Albright’s soothing voice plays.

Dr. A: Do you feel to blame for any of that, Rylee?

I don’t answer for a few seconds. I remember thinking that I knew what Dr. Albright wanted me to say.

She wanted to hear that I wasn’t responsible.

Me: I know I’m not.

Dr. A: Exactly. You were a newborn. You made no choices.

Me: But Aunt Ginger said that Mom had considered giving me away. If she had, maybe…

Dr. A: You can’t go back and change any of that. You were a newborn.

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