Page 54 of Bound By You

Yeah, while Candy's arms were wrapped around you, and you just let her, you didn't shove her off of you, which is what you should have done."

He growls in frustration. "I was in shock that she had the balls to do it; I didn't want to hurt a woman, Phoebe. If it pissed you off so much, why didn't you fight for me? Why didn't you pull her off me? I fucking killed her as soon as you walked out!I sliced her neck!" His voice gets louder with each word, and I shake my head. How could he turn it around on me?

I speak calmly, " I was still testing you, Alex. I'm not the one who wronged you; you wronged me. You were supposed to be proving yourself to me, and you failed, epically." I take a deep breath. "Five minutes and fifty-eight seconds—that's how long you let her touch you while you did nothing. After that, I'd had enough of watching you be clueless and finally decided I couldn't be with you." A tear slips out, and I whisper, "I nearly died because you couldn't understand how to push her away from you. In that moment, all I could see was your lips on Selene's, Candy on the floor at the club sucking you off, or you fucking Mindy. I didn't fight for you because I didn't think it was worth fighting for anymore."

Tears run down his face, but I don't stop.

"For five months, you went from woman to woman, even after you realized I left—and still, knowing the reason, you still fucked other women. I couldn't even get a tingle when another guy kissed me; it felt wrong, like I was cheating on you, even though you didn't care. Even before I left, you made me fall in love with you, a man who was still happily fucking my sister. You made sure that you were my everything, even though I wasn't yours because, if I was, you would have realized that sleeping with your fiancée’s sister was a bitter betrayal of what you felt for her."

Tears now run down my face. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I continue, "We needed to talk about this; in the end, I still would have left you again, because these feelings would eat me alive. I don't want to resent you or throw your wrongdoings in your face. I want to be happy with you. We can't just brush this under the rug, Alex, you know we can't."

He turns away from me, making my heart jump in my chest while more tears fall from my eyes. I watch him watch theanimals, breathing heavily, and hoping and praying he doesn't fall back into his old ways.

twenty-nine

Alexandr

I breathe heavily.

I fucking hate this. I get why she wants to talk about this, but I don't want to, either. I know I messed up big time, but we've been happy. We’re supposed to move on, but I guess that was naïve of me.

I turn and look at her, tears falling from her beautiful green eyes, and I sigh, hating that I've made her fucking cryagain. I walk over to her and lean down, wiping her eyes with my thumbs as I place a gentle kiss on her lips.

I whisper, "Just give me a second baby?"

She nods.

I walk back into the house, go to the living room, and get my phone out. I find the number I want and press the call button. She answers after it rings three times.

"Alexandr? Is everything okay?"

"Mama," I rasp

She sucks in a breath. "What's wrong?"

I sit on the edge of our sofa, looking at all the photos of Phoebe and I on the mantel above the fireplace, and take a deep breath.

"She wants to talk about the past; I just don't know if I can. I really fucked up back then."

She sighs. "Sweetheart, this is probably something she really needs. Neither of you actually faced your problems; you managed to ignore the way she left you because she nearly died, and I know you wanted to make things right without bringing back the hurt and pain, but it'll only ruin you both in the long run."

I groan and drop my head, my elbows leaning on my knees.

I whisper, "What if she realizes how much I fucked up and thinks it's too unforgivable? What if she leaves me again?"

I hear my mother sniffle, then there's a shuffle, and my father's voice comes on the other end of the phone. "Son, I know how hard this is, believe me, I've been in your shoes before, but you need to talk to her. She needs this to move forward. I know it feels like you have moved past it all, but she has not. It's still in her mind. This isn't something you can sweep under the rug."

I clear my throat, keeping control of my anger, hoping I don't bite my father's head off since he's just basically admitted to cheating on my mother.

I rasp, "She knows about the phone calls I keep getting from Selene, but she thinks it's something else."

He sighs. "You need to talk to her, son. I know you didn't want to tell her, but you need to. This will only build up, and you'll lose her anyway. You can do this, I promise."

I groan again, and rasp, "Okay. Thanks,Papa." Then, I hang up.

I have not called him Dad in Russian in a long time.

I drop my phone on the table, notice another message, and sigh.

---