Page 47 of Obsessed with the Player

What? “How could we do anything but? We’re like oil and water, we’re so wrong for each other it’s not even funny.”

And what was not even funny either was the splitting sensation in my chest as I said it.

Fuck, why did I have to care so much?

“On paper, you might be wrong, but in reality? Anything but. Andy has always made you light up, brought out a part of you that made you come alive, and I don’t think that’s what being wrong for you is like.” He was quiet, then added, “In fact, I think what’s wrong for you is how miserable you were before this.”

My chest felt tight. I looked away. “I was miserable because I ruined my relationship. I deserved it.”

“No, you were miserable because the relationship was wrong for you and you couldn’t accept it, which is why I hate you’re still beating yourself up because of it.” Jon stood up and came to me. “How many times did you feel like your ex was prioritizing you? That she was in love with you, that you were in love with her, that you couldn’t wait until you saw her next or genuinely wanted to spend time with her? When did she ever make you feel special?”

“I’m not.”

“Youare, Dan, you’re a great guy, and I’m not saying this just because you’re my best friend. The fact you can’t see it only speaks to how long you stayed in a relationship that was wrong for you.”

I took in a ragged breath. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll still ruin it.”

“Why will you ruin it?”

“Because it’s what I do! And—I haven’t changed at all, have I? I’ve just been playing at this going out thing just to shut Andy up, but I’m still just the same Dan as always, I’m not this Dan Andy has been getting along with.”

Jon gave me a look. “Okay, I didn’t want to say anything, but do you really need me to tell you that Andy has had a hard-on for you from the very beginning?”

My heart jumped. “He wanted to fuck me, that’s not what I’m talking about—”

“Dan, you don’t get it, do you? Andy was never even looking for a roommate, he simply jumped at the opportunity and offered once Travis told him—just the way I thought that he would, which is why we set this up.”

I stopped.

I looked at him. “You what.”

Jon rolled his eyes at me, even if he looked a little chagrined. “It wasn’t so much ‘setting it up’ as…following a hunch. And setting things in motion.” He looked at me very seriously again. “But this thing between you two? This mess, these feelings? That’s all you.”

I felt like I couldn't breathe. I turned around, pacing slowly, hands on my hips, trying to organize the mess of my thoughts.

This felt too good to be real. It felt like I finally had to see that Andy’s actions hadn’t been as self-serving as I initially imagined them to be, thinking he was only in it to watch me when my life had crumbled, and I had to admit that I’d already been suspecting it, even if I hadn’t wanted to really consider it.

Deep down, I’d known that Andy wasn’t really an asshole, not the way I’d wanted him to be, and now more than ever Iknewit wasn’t true.

He was thoughtful and took care of the people he cared about. The people in his gym? They were like a damn family, and they worshiped him, everyone had only good things to say about him, even his friends at the bar.

Ourfriends.

The truth that might hide behind this was almost too scary to contemplate, and it made the awful feeling in my chest only grow.

Because I just—I didn’t want Andy to be miserable the way I’d been. I didn’t want to ruin another relationship, I wouldn’t be able to stand the pain of being the cause of it, not when I already cared so much, not when it felt like happiness and comfort were so close when Andy was taking care of me.

As if Jon could hear my thoughts, he walked closer to me and turned me around, hands on my shoulders.

“Some relationships are not meant to work, no matter how hard you want them to, but you and Andy? You’ve always worked. And I decided to go with this because of a hunch, but it needs to be you who decides to be brave here, man. You need to decide to trust.”

Trust.

An alien feeling.

Alien but for every time I’d been with Andy, under his care, under his hands.

I wanted to believe that there was something more to it, but could I?

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