Could I risk it?
Could I risk everything crashing and burning, again, and withAndy, someone that in just a few weeks had managed to claw his way around my heart, twist himself inside me until I didn't know if I could ever get him out?
Could I trust?
18
Andy Jacobs
As I staredat my empty glass of hard liquor, I contemplated what exactly I’d been drinking. Whiskey? Rum? My heart squeezed at the possibility that it might be the latter, knowing that rum was always Dan’s choice, knowing that it made him the most basic type of guy ever, a fact that as much as I hadn't wanted to admit it to myself, I’d always found endearing.
I'd always found it endearing because I’d found everything that Dan did both irritating and adorable, because I was all fucking heart eyes when it came to him, and now I was here, the truth finally out for me to process, dreading to go back home and find him there, packing his bags, deciding that it was all too much and he would rather go live with his best friend and his brother or even a random stranger than stay a second longer with me.
Vincent had been suspiciously avoiding me for almost twenty minutes now (he had a morning shift today), and when I caught a familiar scent coming off the guy currently settling himself next to me, I knew why.
I didn’t even look at Travis as I said, “I don’t want company.”
“Good thing I didn’t ask.” He took my glass away from me, smelling the contents, and pushing it away. “I think you’re done.”
“Good thing you don't think for me, then,” I said, looking for Vincent again, who was currently sneaking glances at us while busying himself with some other people. He had definitely been the one to call Travis and didn’t want to deal with the consequences.
I felt Travis staring holes into the side of my face. “Are you going to tell me what's wrong, or are you going to keep sulking in silence?”
“I’m not sulking,” I grumbled. “And no one invited you to watch.” Then after a beat, I added, “This is your fault, you know?”
Travis scoffed. “And how did you arrive at this brilliant conclusion?”
I glared in front of me, refusing to meet his eyes as my chest tightened. “You should have warned me I would be the one getting stomped on, and maybe now I wouldn't be here trying to get day-drunk.”
Or maybe I would still be. I doubt I would have listened to him, but still, I wanted to throw the blame at someone else just so I wouldn't have to be alone in my misery.
“I never doubted you would be,” Travis said with a smile in his voice.
I finally turned to look at him with disbelief. “Not even a little support? I hope you’re a better boyfriend than a best friend, because your comforting sucks.”
Travis rolled his eyes. “Tell me what happened.”
My throat felt thick with emotion, but I still said, “He left. It might have gotten a bit too real last night, and obviously, he’s not up for it.” I swallowed before I let out a pitiful dry chuckle. “Of course he wouldn’t be. He hates me.”
“He doesn’t behave like someone that hates you.”
Did he hit his head on his way here? “Do the barbs he sends in my direction sound like sweet talk to you?”
“I don’t know what kind of sweet talk you guys get into, but I’ll tell you one thing for sure: If I hated someone I would havenevermoved in with them, least of all started working for them.” Travis turned to the side, leaning his forearm on the bar. “Not to mention, I see the way he looks at you.”
My stomach turned into knots. “We’re sleeping together,” I said in justification. “It’s a horny look.”
“And Dan is of course someone that sends horny looks to just anyone, right?”
I couldn’t even look at him, teeth grinding against each other. “He doesn’t want a relationship.”
“Of course he doesn’t, he’s hurt.” He looked thoughtful for a second before adding, “Look, I never told you this because I didn’t want to get into it, but from what Scott has told me, Eliot was pretty worried about him before he broke up with his ex. Dan was pretty miserable even if he hid it well, and after something like that, you wouldn’t want to risk something new with someone else.”
Scott was Travis’s boyfriend, and Eliot was his best friend and Dan’s younger brother. The thought of Dan suffering in silence over his ex made my stomach curdle. A wave of protectiveness came over me, wanting to punch a wall on his behalf.
Travis continued. “Eliot also said that over the past few weeks, it’s like Dan has been an entirely different person, a lot morehimselfthan he has been in a long time. Guess what happened a few weeks ago?”
Hope was a bitter and terrifying thing to feel right now. “But what am I supposed to do if he doesn’t want a relationship? He ran for a reason, T.”