Page 23 of Obsessed with the Player

And I wanted a lot more of those stupid kisses even if it was probably the worst idea in the world.

I could feel a freakout coming, one I didn’t want to have with an audience, but suddenly, Andy was tucking me into my boxers and opening up the stall door, saying, “I’ll be outside,” before I heard the bathroom door close.

And thus, I was left wondering how the fuck I was supposed to continue my life now that I knew what Andy’s full-blown attention tasted like.

Fuck.

8

Andy Jacobs

As soon asI got outside, I got a cigarette out from a packet I had literally just bought off some random guy at the bar and lit it up.

The front of the bar was blessedly currently empty, the buzz from the crowd fading once the door closed behind me, which did nothing to help with the increasing volume of my chaotic thoughts, which were fighting for dominance as I fought to push them as deep down into the dark depths of my psyche as physically, or, metaphorically in this case, possible.

After a second of the cigarette burning, I dropped it to the ground, used my shoe to put it out, leaned against the wall, told myself that I wasn't a smoker, then got out another one, this time lighting it up, taking a long, disgusting drag, before breathing out and staring sightlessly at the night sky.

I’d just sucked the life out of Dan James’s dick.

After years of telling myself to let it go, to let this attraction die and reside in the mental dumpster where it should, I’d acted on it.

And it had been better than my dirty fucking imagination could have ever conjured.

Just the memory of his moans, his dark eyes, his overcome expression as inch by inch he started giving into me,submitting, in a way I could have never expected or even thought to want, was enough to get me hard again.

There was a slightly submissive Dan hiding beneath the grumpy, tense walls, and I’d gotten to see a glimpse of it. A glimpse that had made me ravenous for more, and fuck if I wouldn’t be imagining all the things that I could do to him with this knowledge.

How I could bend him to my will.

How I could make him come apart, turn to putty in my hands.

This was a nightmare. A literal fucking nightmare.

Because even if I’d gotten to discover this, to experience this first hand, even if I nowknewthat not only he wasn’t exactly vanilla, he was also attracted to me…

I could never act on it again.

And I would never,ever, get to experience what it was like to fuck him into submission.

My stomach tightened and my inner caveman threatened to rise to the surface, outraged and possessive, wanting to go back in there, to continue what we’d been doing, to let Dan know that he couldn’t show this side of him to anyone else because he wasmine, but with all the willpower that I’d been ignoring while I was with Dan, I shoved the caveman down into a deep corner of my psyche and set myself to take a good hard look at reality.

I’d broken one of my most essential rules: I didn’t mix sex with my life.

Worse, I didn’t mix sex withwork, but that was a whole can of worms I didn’t want to get into.

I sure as hell wasn’t going to break my other rules.

You know. The ones about not doing repeats, especiallynotwith people I was going to keep in my life. The rules that keptthe careful balance in my day-to-day life, that made sure I was fulfilled, kept sane, and focused on my goals.

Sucking Dan off hadn’t been part of the plan.

Even if I wanted to do it again.

Even if there was nothing I wanted more right now than to take him apart again.

Even if I wanted to see if he’d soften even more with time, what sides he’d show me.

It was out of the question.

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