Page 94 of Obsessed with the Heartbreaker

But I couldn’t. All along, I couldn’t stop thinking about how worthless I felt. That I wasn’t good enough. I felt like a fake, a fluke, and a liar, because I would never be this perfect guy, the one I thought would make his parents proud with his accomplishments and be able to give back to them for all their love and hard work. The one for whom it was easy to be successful, that had a life and a career. The one that would make even the Campbells proud, who would repay their kindness tenfold and prove their generosity had been well-deserved. It was fighting against the current to pretend I was something I wasn’t and I just felt sotired. Tired of trying to justify my existence.

As I spoke to the interviewer, spine straight and forced smile on, I thought of my parents. My mother, who had made a name for herself even when she hadn’t had a higher education. My father, a recognized hero firefighter who left this world while doing his duty. My sister, who had become a star chef through sheer stubbornness and grit.

I was so nervous and desperate to prove myself that I completely blew it. Every word felt wrong in my mouth. Every twitch on the interviewer’s face felt like a sign of doom. A dark cloud was forming over my head.

I was getting in my head and Iknew it. But I couldn’t stop it.

Because I realized I would never feel good enough.

Not for my parents to be proud of me.

Not to justify and repay Connell and his wife’s kindness in paying for half my tuition.

And not for Henry. Not to stay by his side in the long term.

So as the interview finished, I went out of the room with heavier shoulders. I caught a glimpse of none other than Keller, who wasalsoapplying for the internship, and instead of waiting for one of his cutting remarks, I left him there without a word.

Once outside, walking quickly down the sidewalk without direction, I wondered why I was doing any of it. Why I was trying to prove myself to the world like this when it felt like a losing battle. Why I was depriving myself of having alife.

What did it have to matter if I wouldn’t be as good as my parents or sister? So what, if I got a less prestigious job where I could quietly spend my days, have some work colleagues that were easy to tolerate, have work-friends I could have an enjoyable lunch with, and then go home to the friends and family I loved?

It wouldn’t be so bad.

I hoped it wouldn’t be.

But what would be absolutely terrible was not seeing Henry ever again. Not having him as part of my life. Having to content myself with seeing him once a year at the most, when he forced himself to go visit his parents, and having to be satisfied with being on the receiving end of one of his nods from the other side of the road.

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. The sound of cars, the passerby’s hurried steps, the breeze in my ears, all of it faded as one thought in my mind shone like a beacon with terrifying clarity.

I was in love with Henry Campbell.

And I was going to tell him.

After avoiding getting shoulder-checked by some hurried businessmen, I moved to the side of a building I didn’t even recognize and got my phone.

It rang only twice before a voice came.

“Connell Campbell.”

“Hello, sir. Is this a bad time?”

It was mid-afternoon. I hadn’t even considered whether Connell might already be done with his work at this hour, but I’d called his house landline, so if he’d picked up, it would be because he was likely done with it.

“Antony! Not at all. But wait, let me—One second.” There was the faint sound of him walking and closing a door behind him, likely the one in his study. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, everything is…” I trailed off.

No. Things weren’t okay. And, for once in my life, I wasn’t going to lie about it. “I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Is this about Henry?”

“It is. I wanted to talk to you about the…favor you asked of me.” Taking one deep breath, I decided to be as blunt as possible. “I can’t do it.”

“What do you mean? Is my son giving you trouble? I know it’s hard work, but it’s not something that I need you to do in two days or two months—”

“No sir, I—I just won’t do it. I don’t think following your footsteps is in Henry’s best interest.”

And I’d never been willing to convince him otherwise in the first place. Henry was many things, but a rule-follower was not one of them. The Heartbreaker everyone knew and loved was made to soar all on his own, carve his own path, discover his own passions and motivations by himself. Not forced by worried parents who wouldn’t look close enough to realize their son was perfect just the way he was.

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