Because of course, I hadn’t missed the fact that I obviously hadleadership abilities, just like my parents did. It might be the only good thing that I’d inherited from them in their eyes, but it definitely wasn’t enough to make up for the fact that I couldn’t be more different from them in every other regard.

Where they were organized and disciplined, I was messy and rebellious. They were stiff and unemotional when it came to business, but emotions ruled me and my decisions. I didn’t want to be stuck in an office all day long, I didn’t want every day to be the same, going to the same mind-numbing meetings and playing the capitalist game of ‘who-can-make-more-money-this-month’.

But obviously they didn’t care about that. They were just disappointed that after dumping me into boarding school after boarding school, I wasn’t the little version of them they’d wanted me to be.

The Professor shifted, lacing his fingers together over his stomach. “To be fair, your people skills are something that would be very useful in any job you ever wanted to get, so I guess that isn’t of much help.” He looked out the window for a moment, his big professor brain working, before he asked, “We’re framing this wrong, then. The important question here is: what do you like? What do you want out of life, Henry?”

The question was a tricky one, not because there weren’t things I liked, but because most of the things I wanted were exactly the ones that I couldn’t—and wouldn’t—have.

I liked being around people. I liked not having to sanitize my personality, expressing myself the way I wanted to. Leading people was also something I thoroughly enjoyed, butthatI wouldn’t allow myself to have.

I also liked spending lazy afternoons laying in the grass, staring into green eyes under dark lashes, my chest feeling like a million butterflies had decided to make a home there.

Also out of the question.

Lastly, I was pretty sure I would also like to have a single, pure, unadulterated thought where Antony Andino didn’t haunt me, a single moment in which his name wouldn’t hurt me like a million needles slowly descending over every inch of my flesh.

But that was also too much to ask.

So I said, “I like many things, Professor Larsson, but those are things that life has decided I cannot have. So instead of lingering on silly notions of ‘following my passion’ to find my life’s purpose, let’s just focus on the matter at hand. I thought you’d be a lot more practical about it.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And I thought you weren’t a cynic disinterested in life. One of us was wrong.”

I rolled my eyes and he continued. “I was being practical, it’s justyouwho’s refusing to cooperate. So here’s the deal. You’re going to make two lists, one with three things youlike, no matter how outlandish or fantasy-like they are, and a list with three things that you think you can have and that you don’t hate.”

Leveling him with a look, I said, “I came here for your help, Professor, not so you’d give me homework.”

A rare grin started spreading over his cheeks. “These are my terms, Campbell. Take them or leave them.”

That grin and thatattitudereminded me of Antony so much for a moment that I just couldn’t think.

It must have been why I said, “Fine.”

Getting up, I picked up my backpack, feeling just as lost as I had when I’d come in.

“Feel free to schedule another appointment as soon as you’re done with them,” the Professor said, looking way too pleased with himself.

Might be tomorrow, might be in twenty years.

Fuck my life.

“If I’m still jobless at forty because you didn’t tell me what fucking job to do, it will be your fault, just so you know.”

He nodded solemnly.

I didn’t even know why I liked this guy.

As I closed the door behind me, I heard him call out. “Goodbye, Henry.”

No good, just bye.

After that, because my brain had been fried from overthinking, I’d gone to spy on Antony again in the library, where I’d found him withOliver.

And after our exchange, I had lunch, went to two classes that went on forever, and trudged my way through campus to my frat house, where I now had to come up with a suitable amount of laundry to annoy Antony as much as possible.

“How did your meeting with your advisor go?” Maddox asked, leaning against my doorframe.

“It went amazing.” Hamper in hand I started taking random pieces of clothing that were definitely not ready to be washed. “He solved all of my life problems and I have now decided my passion is the Circus. I’ll be acting as a stand-in lion and trying to eat any person that gets too close to me.”