Page 77 of Obsessed with my Temptation

“Dude, stop.” Andy came to me and put his hands on my shoulders. “No more pacing.” He looked at me steadily, searching my face. “You fucked up because you got scared and it’s fine. You’re going to fix it.”

I shook my head, looking away. “There is nothing to fix. It’s just delaying the inevitable.”

“According to who? Are you suddenly an oracle? A psychic? Can you tell me the winning lottery number?”

“Andy.”

“No, youlisten. Tell me in the clearest possible way why you’re not going to last.”

“Because he’shimand I’mme.”

Because Scott was good and I was bad.

Because good boys like him would never choose bad boys like me to stand beside.

Because I was stubborn, angry, wretched on the inside, and love didn’t feel like an actual possibility for me.

I loved Scott like I’d never loved anyone before.

And I didn’t want to love him more for him just to leave me. Like everyone had. Like everyone should.

“That could have been more clear, but I get what you’re saying.” Andy squeezed a hand on my shoulder. “I thought you didn’t care about what anyone else said?”

I let out a ragged sigh. “Well, apparently I do.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“But what if they’re right?”

What if I really shouldn’t be with him?

“They’re not.”

“How do you know?”

“BecauseIlove you. Just like I know your sister does. Just like I knowScottdoes. And you’re nothing like what people say. People judge quickly to keep themselves safe in their tiny little boxes, but often enough, they’re wrong.”

I shook my head, hearing him, but his words didn’t compute. It was hard to understand.

Andy sighed. “Look. I know it’s hard to hear, but your biggest enemy is yourself. You’re your biggest naysayer. Your dad isn’t even in your life anymore. Neither are the people in your high school. All you’re trying to fight is the voice in your head, and for what?”

For what?

Exactly.

Because no matter what I did, I would never be good enough to begood.

“People aren’t just good or bad, Travis, but if you had to be one, you’d be good. You just have to let yourself believe it.”

Andy let the words hang in the air.

“You have two options now. One: try to be happy at the risk of beingunhappyat some point. Or two: just keep being unhappy. Keep fighting ghosts.”

“It’s not so simple.”

“Well, then make it so. Choose to either be good for people who don’t care about you, or be good for yourself.”

After that, Andy went to his room and left me standing there.

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