Page 73 of Obsessed with my Temptation

“It’s fine,” I said, wanting this to be over, but it was not fine.

“It’snotfine, Travis. And I want you to know, like your sister does, that we support you if you want to do something different. If you want to not go pro and have a different job—”

“Ican’tget a different job, Mom. Who would want this?” I asked, opening my arms.

An intimidating guy, a bad reputation. Someone full of anger and spite.

Layla chose that moment to stop eavesdropping and come into the kitchen.

“I saw Andy the other day, you know? He mentioned he wanted to open a gym. That he wanted to open it withyou,” she said, putting her hands on her hips. “I think that’s a very solid option. And even if you wanted to try something else, it would be fine. We’ll figure it out.”

I shook my head, feeling overwhelmed andangry. At myself, at the world, at my father.

“I’m not going to do that. I’m going pro.”

“Why, Travis? Just to spite a man who isn’t even in our lives anymore? Why do you care what he thinks?”

“I don’t,” I said, even though I did.

I fucking did. Too much.

I needed to go pro and get my stupid degree because I wanted to prove to the naysayers that I could. That I was good enough for something. Because I’d accepted long ago that I would never be seen asgood. I would always be the bad guy, I would never be credible.

Butthis—being pro, having a degree. It was objective reality.

And not doing it felt too much like letting my father win.

Ihadconsidered Andy’s offer. I had imagined it for a second and then stopped. Because the dark cloud of failure would still hang on to me like tar, and I couldn’t live with that. Not one more year, not for my entire life.

“Just consider it, son, will you? For once, try and think only of yourself. What you would want in your life if your father wasn’t in the picture, if I’d done what I had to and divorced him when I should have. If I had supported you when I should have. I can’t go back in time and undo my wrongs, but I don’t want you to regret anything, Travis. And I want you to live your life.”

Her words hit on a tender part of me that hurt too much to look at.

I left after that.

I felt too raw, too fucked up to talk to them anymore. I drove and drove until I calmed down, with the windows down and the cool air stinging my naked arms. Until I was cold enough on the outside to cool the inferno going on inside me.

My separation from Scott was only supposed to be temporary, the result of exams and my upcoming competition, but it felt like a preamble to the bitter end. To Scott realizing his worth. To him realizing that he was wonderful and didn’t have anything to be afraid of, and he wouldn’t need me anymore. He’d move on to someone better. Someone who wasn’t all anger and bitterness, who could stand proudly by his side.

I was almost thankful Andy had gone out and he wouldn’t see the mood I was in.

But when I got to my apartment building, there was someone sitting in front of the door.

Scott.

Chapter 23

Scott

“Scott?” Travis’s voice came like a beacon from the darkness of the street—and of my heart. His hair was backlit by a nearby light, drawing a line at the edges of his face, highlighting his jaw, his nose, his neck. “How long have you been waiting here?Jesus, why didn’t you message me?” he asked as he came to me, holding a hand out to get me up and feeling my cold hands.

They were surprisingly almost as cold as his. What had he been doing?

“Sorry, I can leave if you—” I started saying, but he didn’t let me finish.

“No. Come in.”

We climbed up to his apartment and he welcomed me into it as easily as he’d accepted my presence earlier. The fact that he hadn’t even asked what I was doing there, just accepted it and held my hand, warmed my chest at the same time as it made my heart heavy. Because this was somethingboyfriendsdid. Showing up unannounced.

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