Page 58 of Obsessed with my Temptation

“Scott, we’re only concerned about your future—”

“Well, letmeworry about my future. Goodbye.”

Mrs. Kent watched me with an astonished expression as I got up and left.

I was fuming. It was outrageous that my professors would come this far for such a little thing, that they would call me out for hanging out with Travis—

And then dread started sinking in again.

God, had I just talked that way to one of my professors?

I walked around campus, lost and trying to regain my breath after that shit show.

Emotions battled inside me. I wanted to scream with frustration, while at the same time, I had to fight the urge to go back and apologize, beg for forgiveness, and promise to never do a bad thing again. Just so I wouldn’t be seen asbad.

A terrible thought hit me right then.

Why did Travis even like me?

Why did he even like someone like this? I was a coward who hated the box I was in while also being compelled to make myself so small I never had to come out of it again.

But I didn’t want to be this person. I didn’t want this feeling of shame rising through my chest to be what I felt for the rest of my life. Because this fledgling relationship we had, how could it ever last if I couldn’t even stand up for myself? If I let things like this dominate my future and my decisions?

It couldn’t.

Travis would inevitably move on to someone more shameless, more open, and proud to be who they were. Someone who wasn’t a shell of a person, constantly wearing a mask.

The thought was sobering.

But even if it happened that way—would I be able to live with myself if I kept this up?

* * *

I was still thinking about it, still reeling, as I tried to study with my friends in a study room in the library that afternoon. We often came here, since Eliot often had a hard time concentrating when he studied by himself, and we could just chill, talk, and study without worrying about anyone else.

“I saw Mark Jacobson earlier today. Are you still hanging out?” Eliot asked all of a sudden.

The question, which was directed atme, managed to break me out of my overthinking spiral. With a long blink, I reoriented myself and had to go back and think about what he’d just said.

“No. Why would we?”

Just hearing his name in relation to me made me queasy. After learning what had gone down with Travis—not to mention the fact that theyused to hook up—I’d avoided him at all costs. I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t explode all over him or make it blatantly clear that Travis and I were close enough that he told me this sort of stuff—which had to be very close, because Travis didn’t look like the oversharing type.

And a part of me wanted people to know what we were to each other— to see that we were together and he was mine and I was his. I didn’t want to hide my feelings when it came to something of this magnitude.

But then I had to remind myself that Travis and I weren’t in a relationship. And that we’d probably never be.

Not to mention that I was still the guy who was terrified to see how people would react if I stopped being my ‘perfect Prince’ persona.

It left a sour taste in my mouth.

“Well, you went to that party together, right?” Eliot furrowed his brows. He was sitting by the head of the table, his back to some windows that looked into the library. We were all surrounded by a mess of open notebooks and loose papers.

Eliot and I found peace in a little chaos like this, even if Antony was one of the tidiest people I’d ever met. I wondered how he could stand the both of us.

“I did, but that’s the last time we hung out together. He’s not really the type of person I want to hang out with.” I felt it was important to make this point, even if my friends didn’t understand what it was about.

Before they could ask about it—and Eliot would havedefinitelyasked, I said, “Henry Campbell was also there.”

---