Page 24 of Wickedly Tainted

I wiggled under himas I avoided eye contact. “Let me up,” I said.

To my surprise, hedidn’t even hesitate. He released my wrists and sat back on thebed. If I hadn’t been so distracted with my need to run, I wouldhave noticed that he had honored my request to stop immediately.While some men would try to talk their way out of halting theiractions, Damon had respected my boundaries and backed offaccordingly.

I sat rigidly andbrought the blanket with me, covering myself. This would be a loteasier if I was fully clothed. “Damon, we need to t—”

“I know what you’regoing to say and I wish you would stop before you ruin what was thebest night of my life,” he said, his lips in a flat line.

I winced and shut mymouth. It’s not every day I’m rendered speechless.

“Can we justpretend, for now, that you woke up with no regrets about lastnight? I sure as hell don’t have any. I wouldn’t take back a singlemoment with you, Jill.” I swallowed hard as I let his words washover me.

“Let’s pretend youdon’t have any hang-ups about this”—hegestured between the two of us—”and thatyou’re happy to be with me.” He paused and laughed to himself butit held no humor. I felt the back of my eyes burn as I looked athim.

“Sometime soon, wewill get through your doubts or fears, or whatever it is you thinkwill cause us to fail, and you will see that I can make you happyif you let me. But, right now I just want to have breakfast withyou and try to enjoy the day. Can we do that?” he asked.

I was stunned intosilence as he stood from the bed and walked out of the room. Ididn’t even have a chance to say anything to him as he left. Was Itruly so transparent? He had known I was going to stop this fromgoing any further before I’d even said anything.

I shouldn’tentertain this anymore,I thought to myself.I should gofind my clothes and phone, wherever I left them last night, andcall an Uber.It would be cruel to both of us if I were to goalong with his pretending. Because when this ended—and it would end—it wouldcrush me even more. I couldn’t allow these fake illusions to haveone single breath. I needed to stop it before it even started.

So, tell me why Igot out of that bed and walked to his dresser. Tell me why I put onone of his shirts and padded out of that room with nothing elsecovering my body. Call it stupidity or blind intuition, but Iwalked into that kitchen with full intentions of playing pretend. Imay have signed up for my own cursed fate but I wanted so badly tobe someone else. To pretend not to be me, even for just a day.

ChapterThirteen

The smellspermeating from the kitchen were enough to make me salivate. If Iwas a stronger person, I would have walked past all those decadentsmells. I would have strolled right past the man with his shouldershunched, leaning heavily against the counter with his back towardme.

How hard was itto want someone who wanted to constantly run from you?I feltterrible as I looked at him. Couldn’t he see that I was trying tosave him before he got in over his head? I had been resigned to thefact that I would spend my life alone. I knew nobody would want meafter they learned about Jason, and I couldn’t even blame them. Inthe end, I wasn’t worth it. Damon had yet to learn that.

I couldn’t ever tellhim what happened to me. Even though he deserved to know so hecould make his own judgments, I was a coward. I didn’t want him toknow of my defilement for fear of his reaction. I didn’t want tosee the way he looked at me vanish from his eyes.

I wanted so badly tobe someone else. Someone that would take everything Damon gave mewith open arms. I wished I could be someone who deserved it. Sadly,I just wasn’t. But, I could pretend to be.

I walked forwarduntil I was standing right behind Damon. I didn’t doubt he knew Iwas standing there. I wrung my hands and released a shaky breathbefore I brought my arms around him. He stiffened against me and Ithought for a moment that he would shrug off my touch. To mysurprise he grabbed my hands and raised them to his chest, lettingme hug him from behind. I pressed my ear against his back andlistened to his steady heartbeat for a moment before speaking.

“I’m sorry forpushing you away. If it’s any consolation, I’m not doing it forfun. I thi—” I swallowed thickly as myheart rate picked up. I was not the person to open up to anyone, sothis was extremely hard for me. “I think you’re better off lettingme leave before this gets any more serious.” I exhaled in arush.

Damon started toturn to face me but I held him firm. “Don’t,” I begged and to mysurprise, he stopped. “If I don’t get this out now, I never will.”I breathed against him, placing my forehead between his shoulderblades and closing my eyes before I continued.

“I know that whatyou want is for me to be with you and not fight when you try toshow me affection. But the truth is, that’s not who I am. I knowyou’re a good man and anyone would be lucky to have you want themas much as you seem to want me. But, that’s the problem.”

I fought the burn inmy eyes as I continued. “I know this will end badly for both of us.There are things in my past that you won’t like, and you’ll endwhatever this is between us just as quickly as it began. I’m notgood enough for you. And telling you now is a lot easier than youfiguring it out later.” I blew out another shaky breath. “I feel soweak even admitting this, but I’m terrified of the way you willlook at me when you finally see how tainted I really am.”

I sucked in a breathand lifted my head from his back. Blinking back the tears, I triedto compose myself. His head was turned to the side as if he wastrying to look at me. He was so calm it was almost maddening.

I sniffled before Ifinished. “But,” I shook my head and let him turn in my arms. Hefaced me and I focused on the hollow of his throat. I couldn’t evenlook the man in his eyes. I didn’t know what I would do if I foundpity there. “I want to pretend with you. Just for this weekend, Iwant to be the person you think I am. I don’t want to be the personthat has to have everything in my life planned and controlled todeath. I don’t want to be Jill. I want to be Red. I want to be whoyou need me to be,” I admitted as I finally looked into those darkeyes.

I was amazed when Ididn’t find pity lurking there, although I couldn’t name the softlook he gave me. Damon gazed down at me as he pushed my hair awayfrom my eyes, tucking it behind my ear. He left his hand at thebase of my neck, his thumb making tiny circles at my pulsepoint.

“I want you to beyou, Jill. I don’t need to pretend you’re someone else or thatyou’re any different than you are right now.” He paused. “But, ifthat’s what you need then I will give it to you. I’ll take thisweekend and prove to you that this can work. And if you want to beRed, then that’s who you can be,” he finished as he pulled my lipsto his.

His lips locked withmine and I sighed as I leaned into him. I brought my arms aroundhis neck and all but climbed up his body. He squatted to pick meup. Turning, he placed me on the counter, making a place forhimself between my legs. I pulled him closer to me and locked myankles around his ass. Thrusting my hands into his hair, I was theone doing the devouring this time. His hands gripped my ribs, soclose to my breasts.

I moaned against hismouth as I felt his hardness press against my naked sex. The onlybarrier was those damn sweats he wore. Before I could think better,I pushed my hands down to his waistband and started to lower thefabric. Damon shocked me by pulling away.

“I need you insideof me,” I mumbled before I pulled him back down to my lips. Hegroaned as I rubbed myself against him.

He ripped his lipsaway from me again and pinned me with his stare. “I wasn’t going tofuck you until after breakfast, but you seem to be very impatient,”he growled before he bit my bottom lip. I swiped my tongue acrossthe swollen appendage to calm the sting left behind. He watched mewith hooded eyes.

“Fuck,” he raspedbefore he backed away further from me.

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