Page 51 of Bull Rush

“Well, I think if you want to come back to the Chaos,there’ll be room for you next year. If you stay in shape, keep training, all that… They only signed the guy to a one-year deal. I know everyone fucking misses you, and Quentin, Easton, and I would all kill to have you back. Most of the guys really. The only holdouts would be the ones who went to college with the new guy. You know how that is.”

I laugh. “Yeah, I know how that is.”

“But the coaches I know have already grumbled about missing you in camps.”

“Well, I appreciate being missed.”

“Would you come back?” Cooper’s question is pointed.

“I mean. I miss playing a fuckton. Being on that field. Playing with you guys. There’s nothing like it in the world. I just don’t want to set my hopes too high.” The idea of never setting foot on a gametime field again haunts me, but I know the reality of my situation.

“I swear, I honestly think there’s a ninety-percent chance of you coming back. Barring the new guy being Superman and shooting to the top of the league in sacks or something this year… They’d rather have you out there.” Cooper tries to comfort my ego.

“I guess it’s wait and see then. I’d like to be back out there. It also just depends on how all this goes.” I glance back over my shoulder in the direction of the ranch—not that my chances there are any better.

“All this being your wife?”

“Yeah. Her. The ranch. Being home. I forgot how much I loved everything here.” I wince as I admit it.

“Are you guys really giving it a try? I know you mentioned she was engaged, but they broke up? Bea said something about your parole officer wanting you here, and I didn’t press her for more information.” Cooper’s brow furrows.

“They’re on a break while we work things out and I getthrough this parole. They’ll revisit their situation when that’s over.” I shrug.

“Oh.” Cooper looks down at his drink and swirls the ice around once before he looks back up at me. “You gonna be all right if that doesn’t end the way you want?”

“Were you gonna be all right if Bea went back to your brother?”

He gives me a flat look and shakes his head. “It’s none of my business. It’s just that you’ve been through a lot in the last year. I hate to see anything more for you like that.”

“I know. You and Bea are good people. But I have to see some of these through for better or worse. Prison gave me more time to think than I’d had in a long time. I’d been in such a routine with practice and games and off-season training and just all of it… Having to just sit with my thoughts. Fuck. I don’t wish that shit on anyone.”

“Yeah. I can only imagine.” Cooper gives me a sympathetic look.

“I fucked up a lot of things. Ran instead of standing my ground and seeing it through. I don’t know if I chose the wrong path or not, but I have to see what it could have been like.”

“And she’s fine with that?”

“I told her if it doesn’t work out, I’d give her the ranch and the inn—all of it and a nice settlement too.”

“That’s a pretty big bribe to leave your ass.”

“Maybe. But it’s what she wants, and I’d rather see her have it, whatever way it goes. I just wanted a shot at making it work first.” Cooper’s the only one I could really admit this too. My brothers wouldn’t understand, and her brothers would gut me for trying.

“And how’s that going?” Cooper looks at me thoughtfully.

“Ha. Well… she hates me. That’s for sure. For everything I did and didn’t do.” It hurts to say it out loud, but it’s the truth.

“But?” He looks at me hopefully. “There’s a but, right?”

I shrug. “She likes fucking me. So I’ve got that in my corner. Having someone to take her rage out on when she’s having a bad day doesn’t seem to be hurting my cause either.”

Cooper laughs and shakes his head. “I guess that’s all you can ask for.”

“I want a lot more than that, but I’m willing to wait her out. Fuck knows, I deserve a lot of her anger, and then some. I wasn’t the best husband after things went down with my parents.”

“Understandably.” Cooper gives me a look of sympathy. “She knows you’re sorry for it though?”

“I think so. I apologized a lot.”

---