Page 24 of Bull Rush

“Putting these in here with you.” I hold her shoes up for her to see and then set them gently on the floor inside her door before turning to leave.

“Now you’re just gonna walk out?”

I stop short and turn around to look at her. I know this is drunk Haze I’m dealing with, and drunk Haze is the least rational version of her. The one who’s either sweet as peach pie or sharp as a razor at your throat, depending on what mood drove her to drink.

“What would you like me to do?” I ask bluntly, because I’m not in the mood for playing games. She looks fucking breathtaking despite the angry furrow in her brow, and having had my hands all over her just now, and that fucking apple perfume, I’m finding it hard to not want more.

“I just think it’s something that you’re always walking out. You’re real good at that.” There’s the ice water I needed.

“I don’t think now is a good time to discuss that.”

“It’s as good a time as any.”

“So we can repeat it tomorrow when you don’t remember because you had one too many whiskey sours?” I lean against the doorframe. I don’t want to fight with her, not really, but getting her a little more riled than she already is is probably the perfect way to ensure we don’t do anything stupid. Because when she finally asks for me again, I want her to be begging for it.

“Oh fuuuuck you. Like you’re all high and mighty. Like I never had to scrape you off the floor.”

“I neversaid you didn’t.”

“You’re the one driving me to drink anyway. You just fuckin’ show up here one day, naked as a jaybird, telling me I need to pretend to be your wife again. Turning this whole place upside down. Everyone’s justsofascinated that you’re back. Thinking you’re the hero because your face is plastered all over TV. ‘Wronged football hero must serve sentence.’ Please! Wronged?” She scoffs. “More like attention-loving football jerk. It’s like you don’t think. But who cares? No matter what you do, people love you anyway. Purgatory Fall’s hero!” She’s ranting blindly and following rabbit holes left and right while she does it.

“I don’t think I’m a hero.”

“Good. I don’t think so either. I think it was stupid. You could have gotten yourself killed like that. And what did you do it for anyway? Some woman? Who got engaged to the other guy anyway from what I heard.” She laughs and shakes her head. “Didn’t want to wait for you to get out of prison, I guess. Is that why you’re here? She didn’t want you even after you nearly killed yourself for her, so now you come crawling back home?”

I’d swear her blue eyes were almost turning green in this light, but I don’t dare mention it.

“I did it because they were my friends. I wasn’t thinking it through. I thought they were gonna die, and I had to do something. I was never involved with her. She was always with him, for the record.”

“And you what? You’ve just been single this whole time?” Now we’re getting to the real questions.

“I haven’t been getting engaged, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I’m asking if you have a girlfriend or someone back in Cincinnati.”

“I told you, Haze. I don’t fucking cheat. There’s no one back there.”

“There’s been no one this whole time?” Her fingers dig into her forearm, and the motion causes the engagement ring on her finger to glint when it catches the dull light from the hallway.

“I’ve had a couple of friends who I had a mutual understanding with.”

She presses her lips together, and there’s a subtle shake of her head. “Of course you have.”

“I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean. We both thought we were divorced, and if you remember, you’re about to get married to someone else. Got a ring on your finger and everything.”

“Yeah, well. He left me with you, didn’t he?” There’s a quick inhale of breath like she might be holding back tears.

“Haze…” I say softly, taking a step forward. “I think we should get you into bed. It’s late, and you’ve had a lot to drink. I can get you some water.”

“No!” She holds out her hand and takes a step back. The motion makes her catch her leg on the bed, and she trips back onto it, falling into a seated position. She recovers quickly, though, and slides back against the pillows, drawing her legs up underneath her. “Don’t touch me, and don’t do that whole patronizing ‘Oh, Haze’ bullshit with me. I’m fine. I can take care of myself. It’s what I’ve been doing.”

“Suit yourself.” I turn to head for the door. I want to help but I’m not looking to get torn open in the process.

“Just don’t think you’re going to wear me down. You left. And you’ll leave again. I know you. I learned my lesson, and I know better this time,” she mumbles, her head already on the pillow, her eyes heavy.

I pause at the doorway, holding there for a long moment and bracing myself against it for what I’m gonna say next.

“Haze… I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was… finding my parents like that…” I’m searching for the right words and failing. “It tore a hole in me. I was terrified it was going to happen again, and I wouldn’t be able to stop it. That it would be you next time.”

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