Page 16 of Johnathan

“Mm, I guess it really is. Might have to change my regular order to that.”

“I’m not sure it’s good enough to knock out your favorite.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be getting it for that.”

Her face burned as he cleared his throat.

“So, swimming is a no-go.”

“Yeah. No way. I tried in high school, with the swim credit required to pass PE, but instead of passing the class, I passed out on the pool deck after a panic attack. They let me write an essay on the different events swimmers could do in the Olympics instead.”

“What else? What else are you afraid of, Abby?”

“Why do you want to know?” she whispered. Her hands became awfully interesting as her gaze dropped to her lap.

“I think I want to know everything there is to know about you.”

“Why don’t you just ask Sam?”

“The kinds of things I want to know most are not the sort of things brothers want to think about their sisters.”

Her eyes jumped to his, and she felt the heat from his gaze wash over her.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve been out running in the middle of the night, is it?”

“No. But I always have my mace with me. I’m safe.”

“I don’t like that. You can’t fit a treadmill in your apartment?”

“I don’t want to run inside. It’s about getting away. Finally escaping.”

“Because you couldn’t escape that night. Fuck.” He rubbed his eyes with one hand. “Are you talking to anyone? I mean, a professional?”

“Oh god. You sound like Sam… and Emma.”

“With everything you went through, I’m not surprised other people are worried about you.”

“I’m fine. Absolutely fine. So I have a nightmare once in a while and find the only thing that helps is running? Why is that a big deal?”

“It’s a big deal because you’re using an unhealthy coping mechanism to cover the pain of what you went through. And there are a lot of disgusting people out there, Abby. You have to be smart. Safe.”

“Bell Ridge is safe.”

“A lot less so lately, it feels like.”

She couldn’t argue with him about that.

“Running is a way to feel in control, right?”

“Yes,” she shrugged her shoulders. “And no. It’s a way to control my emotions, sure, but it’s more about switching off my mind. Maybe it’s running from my problems. Maybe not.”

“What if instead of running, you did self defense training?”

“I don’t think it would do me any good. I’m little. If someone wants to overpower me, they will. Trust me.”

John growled. “No. They won’t. That’s what those classes teach. You can use your size against anyone.”

“You know, Emma tried to get me to go a few months ago. Those guys Sebastian served with are running classes from their gym.”

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