Page 5 of Stuck With My Christmas Crush

“Thanks.”

“It must be lonely out there. On your own.”

“I’m not really on my own. I have Rocko. He’s great company. Anyway, it’s Christmas soon and nothing is set to move in the property market until the entire legal profession sobers up after New Year, so there’s no real rush. Looks like I’m stuck there for a few weeks at least.”

“Well, try and find the joy in it. Otherwise, it’ll be a drag and you get so boring when you’re grumpy. No one wants that. Not me or Maddie. Got it?”

“Got it. Look on the bright side,” I say as if articulating the words will affect my negative mindset.

“There you go.” Meredith punches me again on the other arm this time. “And about Christmas. Are you going to grace us with your presence and presents this year?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s nice to be invited and… It’s just not…”

“Maddie will be disappointed if you’re not here with us.”

“I’ll need to sort out some security up at the mansion and there’s Rocko to consider… Any other time.”

“There’s something wrong with you if you don’t like Christmas. And bring Rocko. We love him.”

Meredith may be right. There might be something wrong with me. But it’s not that I don’t like Christmas, it’s just that I would rather be on my own while the rest of the world goes crazy; eats too much; gets gifts they don’t want; watches sappy stupid movies. And don’t get me started on Christmas songs. I can’t stand Michael Bublé and Mariah Carey and all the rest of those Christmas classics on high rotation in every store in every mall. The whole tinsel-covered commercial con makes me want to run and hide.

“If I wasn’t stuck up at the mansion.” I point in the general direction. “I’d be far far away, somewhere where Christmas doesn’t even exist.”

“Scrooge.”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I mean.”

“Grump.”

“And again. Is the next one going to be Grinch?”

“Yes. How did you guess?” Meredith hugs me. “The invitation is there if you want it. Anytime. We love you. Now get lost, soldier.”

“Bah. Humbug. And it’s ex-soldier, again.”

“I know. I just like needling you.”

Meredith is my kid sister, but she has always seemed older and wiser than me. I trust her more than anyone elsein the world. And I don’t like to disappoint, but Christmas is not my friend. The whole holly-jolly shebang makes me nauseous. And anxious.

Every year it’s like watching a parade from the sidelines. I don’t get how people are so invested in something so commercial and trite. I’m planning to have a nice time with Rocko without sleigh bells or snow.

I climb back into the Chevy and drum the steering wheel. Focus on the positive. Key in the ignition. Get my head down and get the mansion ready for a quick sale. Turn the key, start up the engine, and back out of the driveway. Sell the mansion and I’m free.

On the way out of town, I remember to pick up a few things from the supermarket. Dog food mostly. But it’s a good idea to go shopping when I happen to be in town. Living at the mansion means it’s inconvenient to run out of anything when it’s a thirty-minute drive to the nearest store.

At the supermarket, I sit for a minute in the busy parking lot, mentally preparing myself, as if I’m on a military exercise. Then, like a bullet from a gun, I’m in through the sliding doors, blotting out the inane jolly songs that assault me at full volume. I ignore the oversized grinning Santas and twinkly-colored festive lights. Every product seems to have holly or mistletoe pictured, or an elf or reindeer. Icharge up and down each aisle, avoiding collisions with families and their shopping carts, gathering what I need at breakneck speed to get to the row of checkouts as fast as possible. I assess which line to join and stand patiently, inching forward, until it’s my turn.

The checkout operator is wearing a Santa hat and Christmas tree earrings and has a snowman painted on her cheek. She twinkles at me as she scans my items.

“Do you have plans for the holidays?” she asks with a friendly smile.

“No. Not really.” I’m in no mood to chat.

“Do you have a Jolly Holly Holiday Christmas discount card, sir?”

“No. I don’t.”

“Well, would you like one? It’ll give you ten percent off your purchases from now until the end of January. All you do is fill out the form with your details and…”

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