Page 27 of Stuck With My Christmas Crush

I feel overwhelmed with blissful serenity. As if I want this moment to last. I want Charlie here with me. She makes everything beautiful. Even a life-threatening situation of being snowed in was kind of fun because of Charlie.

I give myself a shake, then pick up my shovel and survey the cleared path, banked up either side with gritty grey melting snow all the way to the gate. I snort clouds of steam like a dragon.

I don’t want to be grumpy. But it’s the only way I know how to be. Perhaps Charlie can teach me to lighten up. Maybe it starts with snow angels. But I guess I’ve missed that opportunity. I’ve missed a simple fun thing and now it’s too late. I pause my shoveling again. What is wrong with me? Why do I think I need to change? I don’t. But then… Suddenly I’m sad and anxious.

Charlie has got under my skin, alright. For the first time in a long time, I’m conflicted. I don’t know what I wantanymore. This is intense. I don’t even know why. My guard has been up for so long I’m not even sure it can come down. Or if I want it to.

The driveway is clear to the gate. I pull the chain through. The gates creak as I pull them open. The snow on the road up ahead is melting, but I’m aware that as the sun goes down, the surface water will freeze over like a skating rink, making the drive to town impossible. I check my phone for road conditions and travel updates.

“If we’re going, we’d better go now,” I shout over to Charlie who is doing her best to run around in my hiking boots with Rocko in the winter sunshine. She stops running and turns around, combing hair out of her eyes with her fingers.

“Okay,” she says looking back at me.

We stand still facing each other for a moment. I wonder if Charlie is thinking the same idea as me, that maybe I don’t tow her back home today. We have enough food and firewood. And what if she stays for another night here with me? Maybe it will snow again, and I’ll have another chance to make a snow angel on the front lawn. And I won’t be so grumpy. And maybe I can tell her that I like her and that I remember seeing her at a kid’s birthday party in the summertime. And how I thought she was pretty then. And that she’s pretty now.

I’m hoping Charlie will say something like, ‘Do I have to go? Can I stay here with you and Rocko?’ But she doesn’t. Charlie drops her gaze and walks to the gatehouse and out of sight.

Rocko gives me a look that says, “See what you’ve done, idiot? It’s all your fault.”

Chapter 14

Charlie

“How about you call him and stop moping around like a world-class moping around champion?” Lou says exasperation in every syllable. She flops down onto the couch next to me in our living room.

Festive lights pulse in multi-colored disco rhythms around the window looking out to the street. An illuminated snowman takes up position in the corner, opposite our enormous, over-decorated Christmas tree. I scan the chaotic loops of tinsel and all manner of ornamentationthat are haphazardly crammed into our living room, from floor to ceiling, and think about Jason.

It’s been a week since I was snowed in with the most beautiful man in the world and his big smelly dog, and I can’t quite get back to normal. Whatever normal is. It’s as if I left a part of myself in that little gatehouse, like an abandoned sock left under the bed.

“Call who?” I say back to my roommate.

After we cleared the snow from the driveway and shoveled it away from the gate so it would open, Jason hooked up my car and towed me to a garage in my neighborhood. It was slow going on the country back roads, wet with meltwater runoff and treacherous with fallout from the storm. We had to stop a couple of times to move large branches off the road so we could pass. The city streets were better, having been cleared, then scattered with grit, to stop the expected ice-rink freeze up. Thankfully, traffic was minimal. Sitting in Bertie’s driver’s seat, my foot covered the brakes, as we coasted into the outer suburbs, then to the car mechanic, who is familiar with my ancient rust bucket of a vehicle. Miraculously, the sign on the customer’s door displaysOpen.

Jason stops in the parking lot and unhooks the tow rope. I pull on the hand brake, open the door, and get out. I’m nervous and I don’t know what to say. Jason speaks first.

“We made it.” He coils the rope around his hand and elbow. “I hope you can get him fixed. And it’s not going to be too expensive.” I nod. “It may even be worth looking around for a new car.”

“A new old car?”

Jason laughs. “Yeah. A newer car in better working condition. Something reliable and road-worthy.” I nod some more and try to think of something to say, but everything seems trite and clichéd. I open my mouth, then close it again. “You okay?” asks Jason.

“Yes. Sure. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. And, Jason… thank you. Really, I… don’t know what else to say, but… You saved my life. I’m not even being dramatic. Which is unlike me. I’m nearly always dramatic.”

“Charlie.” Jason interrupts my blathering. “You are welcome. I’m happy we got you back safely, so…” He extends his hand out for me to shake. Formal. Business-like. Impersonal.

“So…hasta la vista, baby?”

“Yes.” Jason laughs and I feel my cheeks color up as I cringe at my inappropriateTerminatorreference. “Take care, Charlie. Maybe I’ll see you again.”

Then Jason; love of my life; the most beautiful man in the world; my hero; my everything, takes a step back and gets into his Chevy. He starts the engine and drives away. And what do I do? Nothing. I just stand there, rooted to the spot, with a million astonishing thoughts on quick-fire, pinging around my brain.

I want to run after him and jump through his open window and cover him with kisses and tell him how I feel. But I don’t do anything. I just stand there in the mechanic’s parking lot and watch him go.

“Jase the Ace, of course. Charlie.” Lou is still exasperated. “You are getting a medal for denial.”

“I can’t call him. I don’t know what to say.” I slump back into the cushions. “I’ll just wait until he calls me.”

“What? After you said,hasta la vista, baby,in your Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. He’s never going to call you.”

---