Page 52 of Scars Like Wings

Near me, Quinn stepped off the cement floor and onto the ice. Almost as suddenly as Simone, she threatened to fall on her ass before she actually caught herself against the glass wall and assistance railing. Her long legs remained shaky and unsure as she wobbled on this new terrain.

Oh, I was wrong. Everyone else were baby deer, but my beautiful queen was as graceful as a baby giraffe learning to walk on stilts, bless her heart. I couldn’t even stifle my chuckles this time.

Quinn looked over at me, her arms quivering while she struggled to keep herself upright. Her face was bright with humor and some slight embarrassment.

“Come on in, babe, the water isgreaaaaaat,” she joked before she slipped and had to try to catch herself again to keep her ass off the ice. “Okay, it’s messy, but we are all embarrassing ourselves. So, you aren’t going to be alone. Come try it!”

I raised my eyebrows.How presumptive there, queenie.

I walked to the gate.

I took one step onto the ice.

Then I pushed off.

As a child, Pops often joked that I could find a way to trip on energy alone. In ballet, I used to trip on my tip-toes. In gymnastics, I rarely stuck the landing, as if the wind and gravity had beef with me. But it was different on ice. When I was four, Pops, Mom, and I went up to Chicago to visit Pops’ family. As soon as my tiny blades made contact with the crystalized frozen water, I was flawless perfection. I didn’t need the walker or my parents to hold my hand. I could not only skate, but I was a prodigy. Just like playing the cello, I felt a connection down to my blood, bones, and soul. My love for it was instant, deep, fun, beautiful, and justeverything. It had been years since I had last been on the ice, but it felt like I hadn’t ever left. This was a bike I never forgot to ride.

I skated around the rink, loving the cold air against my face that also blew my locs back. I loved the sound of the blades cutting the ice, marking my tracks. The sway in my body as I built momentum was better than anything I had felt dancing at a party or club. I missed feeling so good in my body.

Feeling weightless and elated, I lept off the ice and felt myself spin in the air before I landed perfectly on my blades. I maintained my speed and did more spins, this time on ice instead of midair. I held my arms out as I turned around andaround. Spinning, I held one of my legs out. I bent my knee and brought my foot closer to the ice as I spun. Then I brought my legs together and continued to spin. Losing momentum, I kicked off and away to skate around some more around the rink, panting but with a smile I could not get off my face, even if I wanted to.

How had I forgotten how freeing this felt and how much I adored the feeling?

“Oh my gods, Byrdie!” Simone clapped in applause along with Maisie, Cole, and Nat, who were all still on the icy floor from their fall. Their jaws were on the ice, staring at me. “Youcan ice skate? No, you canfigure skate?”

“I can do a little something-something on some blades,” I shrugged playfully, smiling breathlessly. I skated backwards until I came to a stop against the assistance railing right next to where Quinn still stood. To her credit, Quinn was standing fully now. Yet, her jaw had definitely fallen to the ice where her shaky knees almost had. She stared at me with a look that I could only describe as pure awe. I put my index finger under her chin and closed it.

“That was…magical. Those spins and that jump?! That was incredible!”

“Thank you!” I twirled one of my locs in my fingers, my heart light yet also full. I wanted to relish and bask in this feeling, in the look on Quinn’s face that was blazing so bright?—

You are quite extra, aren’t you?

The thought had no voice, no identity, or personality. It was like a sudden text bubble in my brain with a silent notification. But it made me falter. Not on my skates, but just in my feelings. Had I overdone it? Had I gone too hard like I always do and done the most? I looked down at my skates and the ice underneath, trying to mentally shake the feeling. “I-I didn’t want to be too much of a show-off or anything, especially since everyone elsedidn’t know how to skate, but I think I got lost in the moment a bit.”

“You are more than allowed to get lost in the moment. That wasbeautiful. I wish I had a better word for it. It was justphenomenalandawesomeandextraordinaryand just… wow. You are so gorgeous, I just… I can’t,” Quinn went on.

Another bubble popped up:You’re a little much, girl. You just always do the absolute most.

“Where did you learn to skate like that?” Quinn asked.

You have a lot going on! Where will I fit in?

My face heated under my blush, and the bottommost button on my shacket seemed incredibly interesting and needed most of my attention all of a sudden. “So, uh, I was kind of this prodigy with ice skating when I was a kid. As soon as I got on the ice, I was able to do all the jumps and flips and spins with, like, zero teaching from anyone. Mom really wanted me to be the first Black gold medalist in figure skating, but it wasn’t that much of a passion of mine. It was just something fun for me to do with my family. Just like the cello. I preferred reading or playing video games. That was way more fun to me. But I guess ice skating is something I never forgot how to do. I’m so sorry, I’m rambling again.”

“No, no, it’s totally fine. You aren’t rambling at all. I’m, like, so in awe of you.”

You are amazing. You will find someone. But it isn’t me. I will just have to stand back and watch you shine bright.

My stomach did backflips, and I felt like I could take flight at Quinn’s words. They had so much power. Still, as much as her words made me want to soar, there were also things trying to nudge their way to the surface to ground me. My past, text messages from lives before. They haunted me. I had made a promise this morning. I wanted to avoid getting hurt by a life I created that would never come to be. I didn’t want to reach thishigh and ride it only to crash into so many pieces no one would ever be able to put me back together fully this time. I wouldn’t survive.

So, even though Quinn’s words moved me like no one’s had before, and being with her was unlike being with anyone else before, and touching her made me feel like I never had before, Ihadbeen here before. This time, I was too aware of the signs and the paths this could take toward the inevitable break.

Without really thinking about it, I started to skate away ever so slightly to get some distance. “I can be a little extra at times. It’s a lot, or, at least, I know itcanbe a lot. I know I can be a bit too much for people at times?—”

“Hey. Don’t do that.” Quinn reached out and took my wrist in one of her hands before I got too far away from her. She easily pulled me against her, her warmth and scent all encompassing so suddenly. Instinctually, I placed my hands on Quinn’s chest near her simple gold chain. Quinn placed her hand against my cheek, toasting it after the cold of me ice skating.

Her hazel eyes took on a flambéed caramel color as she looked down at me with that godsdamn smolder that was hot enough to melt this whole arena. Her smirk was gone to make way for the seriousness of this moment. “You will never be too much for someone who can’t get enough of you. And to be clear, I’m that someone, sweets. Everything you do, every word you say, pulls me in more. I just can’t learn enough about you, and I want to learneverything, every detail no matter how small or minor. You are stunning on the outside, and I’m really liking finding out how much more brilliant you are inside, too.”

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