Page 10 of Scars Like Wings

Mom.Mymom. She was…

No.No. No, no, no.

No, that couldn’t be right. No.

No, that couldn’t be true. No.

No, this couldn’t be real, couldn’t be my reality. No.

No, she was not dead. No.

No, it didn’t feel like she was gone. No.

No, it wasn’t true that I would never see her again. No.

No, it couldn’t be.

No, it felt like she would walk through the door at any instant. No, it felt like she was already here. Her presence was all over the room, all over the house. It felt like I could almost hear her from-the-belly laugh now, large, deep, and contagious. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck were standing up, thinking that she was close. If I turned around, I felt like I would see a beaming smile and an awaiting hug. Then this would just be a nightmare, a horrible nightmare that we would all wake from.

Because that’s the thing about nightmares.

Eventually, you wake up and forget all about them.

“Byrd? Treesong? My love, are you okay?” Auntie Max touched my face lightly. I blinked as her face came into view. Her eyes were wet with tears, and she was frowning. Aunt Max never frowned. It looked strange on her face with her laugh lines.

I took in the rest of the room. Uncle Everett was facing away from us, his shoulders shaking. As I looked at Talli, I realized she wasn’t looking at us at all from the front of the fireplace. Arms crossed, her eyes stared just past us, far off elsewhere. Her features were etched with worry and thought.

I should be crying. People cry when they find out their loved ones have died, right? I saw that on television and in movies. That’s what happened. That’s what’ssupposedto happen. Iknew I should be crying, an emotional wreck. I should be screaming to the heavens. I should be asking questions like whymymom or why did this have to happen toher. I should be sad. But I couldn’t bring myself to cry. No tears burned my eyes. Instead, I was numb. I just felt empty.

“Your daddy will be home soon. How about I make your favorite: salted caramel hot chocolate with whip? It will take some of the edge off,” Aunt Max suggested.

I allowed her to guide me toward the bar area that separated the kitchen from the living room. I was on autopilot. Aunt Max’s hot chocolate was her specialty, one of the many things I used to look forward to as soon as the leaves began to fall. Now, though, I didn’t feel anything when I saw Aunt Max take down the ingredients from the cabinets and start a kettle of water. She even plucked my favorite mug with Sailor Moon on it from the cupboard close by. Robotically, I went to sit at the bar to wait for the drink that would hopefully make me feelsomething.

Suddenly, I heard a loudclackagainst the countertop. I looked down. There, hanging from my neck by its gold chain, was Mom’s large obsidian pendant necklace. It was still around my neck from the cavern, but it felt different there now. The pendant rested past my chest, too long and big for me.

I took the pendant in my hand and gripped it so hard I felt pricks in my palm and fingers. I squeezed my eyes shut. An ache punched me in my chest.

We’ll always be around to keep you safe.

Mom.

Suddenly, laughter. It was faint, like an echo, yet deep and boisterous. It cut through everything else in the house to hit me right in my core.

I knew that laugh.

My eyes burst open. I scanned the kitchen, the living room, the stairs. Where had it come from?

Then I heard it again. This was louder this time. It sounded like someone was slowly turning the volume up higher and higher.

Soon, the laugh became loud.Tooloud. I covered my ears as the laugh became deafening, too much for me to take.

When I felt like I couldn’t take anymore, I called into the ear-bleeding cacophony. “Please, Mom!”

The laughter vanished. Silence was left in its wake. Nowthatwas too loud. My ears rang from the sudden change. But I could hear myself think again.

I took my hands from around my ears and looked around. I was alone now with Auntie Max, Uncle Ever, and Talli gone. The house was too quiet, too still. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood on end.

Then a familiar sound: the lock on the front door clicked. I turned.

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