Page 114 of Scars Like Wings

Third, the claws and fangs.

And now, my eyes and skin?

What’s happening to me?

I replaced my hoodie and bonnet.

Was something wrong with me?

I turned off the light in my bathroom and returned to bed.

Was I dying? Could I be turning into a monster?

I pulled my covers over my head.

Wrong.

Turning.

Monster.

Dying.

Dying.

Dying.

Those words played over and over in my head, my anxiety gnawing a greater hole in my gut. I worried my bottom lip hard enough to sting. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if there was anything I could do. I think that the not knowing scared me most of all.

The sobs came suddenly and strongly within the heat of the covers. Through my tears and crying, I called out. “Mom, please. What’s happening to me? What do I do?”

My sniffles and the silence in between them were my only response.

For two weeks, it was an endless cycle. I would go to bed each night, hoping it wouldn’t be like the night before, but it was like clockwork. Instead of talking to my mom and experiencing the last time I saw my pops alive, I had a haunting nightmare full of wrinkled, faceless dead bodies that lingered long after I opened my eyes. I would wake up early in the morning a couple hours before my alarm went off for work to see through the dark with pained eyes and to feel relentlessly itchy across my skin. I had gone through more bottles of lotion and oil than I wanted to admit to. I had tried taking allergy medicine to relieve my irritated skin and to get a full night’s rest, but it was to no avail, as it continued to happen over and over again.

I told Simone and Maisie what was happening, as well as what had happened at Universal during our brunch date the week after we came home. Unsure of how to talk about Quinn and her daggers, since I had no idea what to make of them just yet, I kept that part a secret. They were shocked but more confused and worried than anything. We were all clueless about what was going on with my body. Maisie suggested I make a doctor’s appointment to see if she could help, and we all agreed that would be a great idea. So, I booked the earliest appointment I could, which ended up being a week out.

Plenty of time for my anxiety to continue devouring me.

There was nothing I could do to hide it, especially as I became more irritable from my interrupted sleep, leaving me a raw nerve. Uncle Everett asked if I was okay at least twice a day. I hadn’t told him what had happened with the energy vampire, worried that he would freak out. But I also didn’t tell him about everything else because I couldn’t get his blank expression when I asked about the grimoire out of my brain. What if all of this was connected? I couldn’t bear to see that side of him again. So, I told him I was having some “girl” problems and had scheduled a check-up to look into it. It was enough to assuage him, so he didn’t worry as much about me, at least on the outside.

Not telling Quinn was what made me feel the worst. I shouldn’t feel guilty given that she was obviously hiding something herself, when it came to her work and family. But I wanted to tell herso badly. I wanted her input and ideas for what could be happening. I wanted her comfort and to hear her say it was going to be okay. But it hadn’t felt right. Aside from her own things she wasn’t telling me, I just had a feeling that I couldn’t explain. It was like I wasn’t ready to tell her, not until I had some idea myself. I had no answers, and I was so scared of what any of this meant.

I didn’t want to worry her.

I didn’t want to lose her.

The idea alone was too much for me to bear.

A few days ahead of my appointment after waking up from one of my nightmares and allowing my eyes to return to normal, I plucked my phone from its charger on my nightstand. Quinn and I had been texting since my birthday trip, but it was just good mornings and good nights with some memes sent in between. Nothing serious. So, I typed out a quick text:

ME

I miss you so much, starlight.

I sent it and flipped over to Netflix to watch a calming cooking show until I fell back asleep again. I had just clicked on my profile when Quinn’s response came through:

PUMPKIN QUEENIE ♥?

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